


You Burn Brighter than the Stars

by FarawayTreeFairy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Anxiety, F/F, F/M, James and Sirius are flatmates, M/M, Remus and Lily are flatmates, Remus has anxiety, Sirius is a flirt, Smut, University, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 09:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8707906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarawayTreeFairy/pseuds/FarawayTreeFairy
Summary: Remus meets Sirius at the university bookstore where he works and falls instantly in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fan-fic of any fandom so please be gentle with me. Constructive criticism welcome. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this or how long it's going to be.

'Excuse me?' came a low voice from behind Remus, startling him out of his stupor as he alphabetized the English literature section in the campus bookstore, Flourish and Blotts, where he worked.

'Jesus Christ!' Remus exclaimed, clasping his hand to his chest as his heart leapt into his throat. He turned and found himself looking into the face of the most gorgeous man he had ever seen. If possible his heart rate sped up even further as he took in the storm grey eyes, high cheekbones and straight Roman nose. Allowing his eyes to wander further beyond the man's face he noted he was wearing a band tee, jeans so tight they should be illegal, a leather jacket, and had his black hair tied back into a man bun of all things. 

'Sorry,' smirked the handsome stranger, looking anything but. 'Didn't mean to give you a heart attack.'

'It's ok, I just didn't hear you coming,' As soon as the words were out of his mouth Remus could feel his face burning and the other man's smirk grew wider.

'I've never had that complaint before,' the man said silkily and Remus felt himself flush an even deeper shade of red.

Willing his face to return to its normal colour and his heart rate to slow, neither of which were likely to happen anytime soon Remus thought dryly, he took a deep breath and slightly more brusquely than he had intended asked 'Right, how can I help you?'

There was laughter in the other man's eyes, along with something else Remus wasn't certain of. It looked like attraction but Remus instantly dismissed it, there was no way this man who looked as if he had stepped out of the pages of NME magazine would be attracted to someone like him. That was even if he was gay. Remus internally shook his head, and looked back at those storm coloured eyes for the other man's answer.

'I've come to collect an order. My name's Black, Sirius Black,' the rock god- no, Sirius- replied.

'The brightest star in the sky!' blurted Remus, instantly cringing at his outburst. Blushing even deeper if that was possible, his face already felt as it was on fire, he looked at Sirius sheepishly from under his fringe of curls.

'You know your astronomy,' Sirius quirked an eyebrow, making Remus' heart stutter.

'It was a hobby in school,' explained Remus walking over to the counter, grateful for the chance to look away from this handsome man and try to collect himself. 'I have to say you don't meet many people named after the night sky.'

'You clearly haven't met any other members of my family then.'

Hearing the bitterness underlying the airiness of Sirius' tone Remus looked up at Sirius as he crouched down in front of the shelf where the customer orders were kept and frowned in concern. Catching the worry in Remus' expression Sirius barked out a laugh. 'That's a story for another time, one preferably involving whiskey.'

Remus felt his heart lurch at the implication of them seeing each other again but shook it off telling himself it was just a figure of speech and continued looking through the customer orders until he came upon the one he wanted, labelled Sirius Black. Standing up he made a 'found it' gesture and scanned the textbook, an intimidating looking tome on art history, into the till.

'So you didn't pursue your love of astronomy and go for a degree in astrophysics then?' asked Sirius leaning lazily against the counter but looking entirely regal at the same time as he watched Remus ring up his order.

'It was more a hobby than a life's calling so I'm studying history instead. Should I assume that you're studying art history?'

Standing up to withdraw his wallet from the inside pocket of his leather jacket to pay for the textbook, Sirius replied 'I'll have you know this is just a bit of light bedtime reading.' He then burst out laughing at the bemused expression on Remus' face. 'I'm joking, second year art history student. My parents wanted me to study business but as I said my family is a story for another time. How much do I owe you?'

'Fifty pounds please,' Remus internally cringed at the price. University textbooks were so expensive, he was glad for the book vouchers he'd received as a bursary. He noted however that Sirius didn't even wince at the price, merely handed Remus his bank card. 'Is there anything else I can help you with?' he asked as he handed the card machine to Sirius for him to enter his pin number.

'Well, I-'

'Pads!' came a loud and rather excited voice from the doorway of the shop cutting off whatever Sirius had been about to say. Sirius' head snapped up and looked over to the source of the voice, grinning when he saw a young man with a shock of black hair standing up from his head bouncing over towards him.

'Pads I've been waiting for you for the last ten minutes outside the Hooch Building, how bloody long does it take to buy a book? Pete's waiting for us in the SU bar,' complained the newcomer, punching Sirius in the arm.

'Fuck off Prongs, my new friend and I here have been discussing the intricacies of the universe,' said Sirius airily, handing the card machine back to Remus with one hand and shoving his friend with the other.

A knowing smirk appeared on the man's face which turned to a look of recognition as he turned to face Remus. 'Remus! I'm so sorry, I didn't realise it was you. I forgot you worked in here, how are you? Haven't seen you in lectures recently.'

'Hello James or should that be Prongs?' said Remus smiling wryly.

Sirius looked from James to Remus with a slight frown on his face that turned to a look of understanding when he connected the dots. 'You're the Remus who's on James' History course.'

'The one and only, not too many Remus' around here I do believe,' replied Remus dryly. Turning to James he continued 'I've been a bit under the weather lately and had to miss a few days classes. Most of this week has been spent either in the library catching up or working in here.'

'Well in that case you are most definitely in need of some R and R!' exclaimed James, bouncing excitedly again. 'We're having a Halloween party next week at our flat and it's going to be epic. You should definitely come along.'

Remus glanced at Sirius who was nodding in agreement. 'Would it be alright if I brought my flatmate Lily?'

'The more the merrier,' James spread his arms expansively. 'I'll send you a message on Facebook with the details. Fancy dress is of course obligatory.'

Remus grimaced as he handed Sirius's bankcard and newly purchased textbook back to him. 'And if I don't turn up in a costume?'

James grinned wickedly. 'I'm sure we can come up with a suitable punishment. Anyway, come on Pads, Pete will be thinking we've ditched him.' Walking towards the door James called over his shoulder 'Remus I'll be in touch.'

Sirius followed behind James but just before he got to the door he turned back to look at Remus, a hint of a smirk on his lips. 'See you next week Remus.'

Feeling himself blushing again Remus simply lifted his hand in farewell not trusting himself to speak. He waited until Sirius and James had exited the shop and were out of sight, then groaning he gently banged his head against the counter, all the while thinking of a pair of storm grey eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of social anxiety, excessive drinking and stomach pumping.

Remus finished his shift at the bookstore at 4pm and headed home to the small flat he and Lily shared that was a fifteen minute walk from the university campus. Normally he would have taken great pleasure in the journey, as he had done that morning on his way to the bookstore, because autumn was his favourite time of the year. He loved the cool, crisp days with clear blue skies that provided a blank canvas against the leaves that were turning beautiful shades of yellow, orange and red.

This afternoon however Remus was too distracted by thoughts of Sirius to pay attention to the autumn splendour surrounding him. As he mentally replayed their conversation from earlier in the day a red flush stole across Remus' face that had nothing to do with the chill in the late afternoon air. 'I've never had that complaint before,' Sirius had said, and Remus felt a bolt of pure lust shoot through him at the thought of being the one to elicit sounds of pleasure from Sirius. He sighed heavily, knowing there was no way Sirius found him attractive, and besides he was obviously far too much of a extrovert to be interested in someone like Remus who found social situations to be a constant source of anxiety. His idea of a good night was being curled up with a good book, a mug of tea and a big bar of chocolate.

Sighing again Remus looked up and realised he was outside his flat already. He let himself in, hoping Lily was still at the library studying as he wasn't currently in the mood for company.

'Lily?' Remus called. When no response came a feeling of relief came over him, he probably had a couple of hours yet before he had to raise the subject of the Halloween party with Lily.

Remus went into his bedroom to retrieve his laptop and the notes he'd made for his essay before making his way into the open plan kitchen-diner. He made a cup of tea and sat at the table to make a start on his essay for Religion and Politics in Tudor England, grateful for the distraction it would provide him from thinking about Sirius.

Two hours and 1,000 words later his phone beeped informing him he had a new Facebook message. Picking up the phone Remus opened the messenger app to see the message was from Sirius. His heart began to thump, what could Sirius possibly be contacting him for?

 **Sirius Black:** Hello again Remus. My twat of a flatmate is still drinking in the SU bar and doesn't appear to be returning home anytime soon, so I have taken it upon myself to pass you the details of our little soirée next week. That is if you and your girlfriend Lily are still keen? By the way you know your name literally means wolf wolf right?

 **Remus Lupin:** At least you won't have to carry him back to your flat if you're already at home. Wolf names are somewhat of a family tradition, my Dad's first name is Howell...

 **Remus Lupin:** And Lily's not my girlfriend.

 **Sirius Black:** Ah that's priceless! I am wiping away tears of mirth as I type. I may not have to carry him back home but if I get called to the hospital at 3am again because James needs his stomach pumped I cannot be held responsible for my actions.

 **Sirius Black:** Also, my apologies, does that mean you're single then?

 **Remus Lupin:** Yes I know all about the famous stomach pumping incident of Fresher's Week 2015. I remember James wore that hospital wristband proudly for a week afterwards.

 **Sirius Black:** I was forced to cut it off of him in the end. And you didn't answer my question.

 **Remus Lupin:** Not that's it any of your business but yes I'm single. To get back to the original purpose of your message, where and when is your party next week?

 **Sirius Black:** My, my touchy aren't we? Saturday 29th from 8pm onwards. Number 12 Phineas Street.

 **Remus Lupin:** Thanks, I guess I'll see you then.

 **Sirius Black:** Great! Looking forward to seeing your costume and you of course ;-)

Frowning at Sirius' message Remus put his phone down on the table next to his laptop. Surely Sirius couldn't be flirting with him? Shaking his head he decided that no Sirius was just being friendly. His stomach dropped slightly at the thought of attending the Halloween party, as a rule he tried to avoid situations involving people he didn't know. Although James was his friend he was also the host and as such would not be spending much time talking to Remus. He hoped Lily would agree to go with him, because his desire to see Sirius again overrode his natural instinct to avoid situations that made him anxious. Frowning at the fact that all it took was one achingly handsome man to ride roughshod over his common sense Remus decided to turn his attention back to his essay and tried to put all thoughts of Sirius out of his mind.

An hour later Remus looked up as he heard the sound of a key in the lock.

'Hey Remus! I've brought dinner, I figured you probably wouldn't have eaten since breakfast,' called Lily from the hallway.

'Hey I've eaten,' protested Remus mildly.

Lily came in through the kitchen door holding two bags of takeaway, looking pointedly at the chocolate wrappers on the kitchen table. 'Chocolate doesn't count as a meal. And have you had anything to drink other than tea?'

Remus gestured to the water bottle on the table next to his laptop. 'I'm putting the birthday present you bought me to good use.'

'Good,' Lily smiled, putting the bags of food on the kitchen counter. 'So how was your day?'

'Uneventful for the most part. Had to chase a couple of freshers out of the book shop earlier who were giggling at the smutty parts in _Lady Chatterly's Lover_.' Remus got up and stretched, then proceeded to clear the kitchen table so they could sit and eat.

Lily snorted. 'Did you chase them with a broom?'

Remus elbowed her. 'That was one time!'

'It's a shame you're doing a history degree Remus. I think you'd make the perfect librarian, what with the cardigans and jumpers and predilection for telling off rowdy youngsters.' Laughing Lily danced over to the table to avoid another elbow in the side from Remus and started laying out plates and cutlery on the table.

'Speaking of rowdy youngsters, I saw James from my history course earlier. He's invited us to a Halloween party he and his flatmate Sirius are throwing next week.' Remus busied himself taking wine glasses out of the cupboard as he told Lily this so she wouldn't see the blush that was creeping up his neck. When no reply came however Remus looked around the cupboard door to find Lily watching him with her arms crossed.

'What?'

'You don't like going to parties. They make you anxious.'

'Who says I want to go?'

'Your voice does. As does the red flush on your face. James has never had this effect on you so I can only deduce it must be his flatmate that's turned you into a teenage girl.' Lily raised an eyebrow at Remus daring him to contradict him.

Sighing, Remus reached for his phone. He brought up the message from Sirius and from there navigated his way to Sirius' Facebook profile. He tapped on the profile picture, which showed a grinning Sirius with his arms around a big black dog. With the profile picture enlarged he wordlessly handed the phone over to Lily.

'He is gorgeous,' Lily admitted. 'I didn't know that you two had met before. You've never mentioned him when you talk about James.'

Remus recounted his chance meeting with Sirius in the bookstore earlier that day as they ate, all the while being acutely aware of the blush that now seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face.

'He messaged me earlier too,' Remus admitted once they had finished eating.

Lily stretched her arm out, making a beckoning gesture with her fingers. 'Let me see.'

Stifling a groan Remus complied. 'It's nothing exciting.'

When Lily was done reading she looked up at Remus with a shrewd look in her eye.

'Nothing exciting? Remus he asked if you were single and persisted until he got an answer. And look at the wink at the end! Definitely flirting with you.' She set Remus' phone down and folded her arms as if that settled the matter.

Remus ran his hand through his tawny curls in exasperation. 'He was just being friendly, no way was he flirting with me.'

Lily's eyes flashed in annoyance. 'Remus John Lupin. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're smart, you're funny, you're a wonderful friend and you are bloody gorgeous to boot. Any guy would be lucky to have you.'

Remus started shaking his head but Lily continued on as if she hadn't noticed. 'Do you even realise that half the students who come into the bookshop come into stare at you? Your manager Marlene told me so a few weeks ago.'

'What?' Remus looked up at Lily, bewildered.

Lily threw her head back and laughed. 'Remus you are so bloody oblivious. No wonder that you can't tell that Sirius is flirting with you when you've literally got written proof of it on your phone.' Rolling her eyes she got up to open a second bottle of red wine and sat back down, pouring them both a glass.

Remus shook his head, unable to make sense of what Lily was saying, and slightly uncomfortable with her singing his praises.

Sighing Lily took pity on him. 'So when is this Halloween party and what are we wearing?'

Flushing red again Remus read the message from Sirius again to check the date of the party. 'Saturday the 31st, it's on Phineas Street.'

Lily raised her eyebrows. 'Nice area of town, wonder how they can afford to live there?'

'James' parents have money, I think he said something about them having bought a flat for him to live in,' Remus couldn't help the twinge of envy as he said this, his parents didn't have any spare money to help him out at all. He had to make do with what he earned from his job at the bookstore as well as having a rather large student loan, which he knew he was going to need a well paid job to pay back.

'Well I like our little flat, even if it does have its....quirks,' quipped Lily.

'Like the temperamental boiler, the front door that sticks, the dodgy tap in the bathroom and the window in my room that won't open for love nor money,' Remus listed on his fingers.

'Exactly,' beamed Lily. 'Anyway, back to the subject at hand- our costumes!'

Remus groaned. 'How can you be so excited about dressing up and making an idiot of yourself?'

'Excuse you', Lily retorted, kicking him under the table and slopping some of her wine in the process. 'Oops. No one's going to laugh at you, we're students, fancy dress is what we do. When I went to the supermarket last week there was a group of guys all dressed as Where's Wally and no one even batted an eyelid. People are used to it living in a university town.'

'I suppose you have a point,' Remus conceded. 'And James did say there'd be a punishment for those who don't come dressed up.'

'Lucky for you, I have an amazing idea for what to wear and the best part is we can do a joint costume!'

Remus dropped his head into his hands, not liking where this was going and regretting giving Lily wine, she always got overexcited when she'd had a couple of glasses. 'Come on then, let's hear it.'

'Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf!' Lily exclaimed excitedly.

For the second time that day Remus groaned and gently banged his head against the nearest available surface.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Facebook messaging I'm afraid but the next chapter will have proper conversation in it I promise! Sirius calling Remus by the incorrect middle name was taken from a Pinterest pin I saw and it was too good not to use. I have a feeling I may have seen it in another fanfiction, no idea which one because I have read sooo many lately.

Remus' first thought on waking Sunday morning was of grey eyes. He rolled over onto his stomach, pulled a pillow over his head and groaned into the mattress in frustration as he remembered how _mouth-watering_ Sirius was and the fact that he would be seeing him again next weekend at the party. It was of no matter though, despite what Lily said, Remus could simply not believe that Sirius had been flirting with him. Remus was far too boring, he worked in a bookstore, studied history and wore cardigans with elbow patches for God's sake. His dreams of Sirius the night before, the content of which he would be taking to the grave, would stay just that. Dreams.

With that depressing thought in mind Remus didn't feel ready yet to get up and face the day, especially as he felt slightly worse for wear after all the wine he and Lily had consumed the night before. Instead Remus reached for his phone where it was sat charging on his nightstand and scrolled lazily though his newsfeed on Facebook as he lay in bed. Facebook was something Remus normally avoided going on as he felt it didn't help with his anxiety but that morning he needed a distraction from his thoughts.

Remus laughed when he came across a photo posted ten minutes before of James spread out face down on his bed wearing only a pair of boxers, with his glasses askew and a small puddle of drool below his mouth. Shaking his head Remus saw it had been taken by Sirius, who had tagged James in it for all their friends to see. Sirius had captioned the photo ' _The morning after the night before_.' Smiling Remus liked the photo and commented ' _At least you're not in a hospital bed this time James_.'

Remus put his phone back down on his nightstand and had just gotten up and pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms when a message beeped on his phone. Picking it up he saw he had a new Facebook message from Sirius and cursed as he felt his heart speed up and a blush steal across his face.

 **Sirius Black** : You liked my little photo of James then?

 **Remus Lupin** : You know some people consider it polite to greet one another with good morning or hello.

 **Sirius Black** : It is not a 'good morning' Remus. That bastard had me up half the night with his drunken antics! I've had to check on him every half hour to make sure he's not choked to death on his own vomit and to top it all I had to wrestle his clothes off him because he was comatose. It is far more difficult to undress someone when they are unconscious and far less satisfying too. I drew the line at the boxers though, as much as I like cock his is not one that I am interested in seeing.

Swallowing heavily Remus had to read the message twice. Sirius was gay!

 **Sirius Black** : Remus? You've gone all quiet on me. Shit you're not weirded out are you? I figured you knew, I mean it's not exactly hard to tell I'm gay.

 **Remus Lupin** : Sorry I got distracted for a minute. And of course it doesn't bother me Sirius, it would be pretty hypocritical of me if it did.

As soon as Remus had sent the message he instantly wished he hadn't disclosed his sexuality in it. Shit what if Sirius thought he'd said it in the hopes of eliciting a date from him? Or even worse thought Remus was after a casual hook-up? When he hadn't received a reply a few minutes later, at odds to Sirius' previously almost instantaneous replies, Remus felt vindicated in his belief but also disappointed because a small part of him thought that maybe Lily had been right about the flirting. A beeping jolted Remus out of his melancholy thoughts and he opened the message with trepidation.

 **Sirius Black** : Sorry. I had to, er, go do something a minute. Anyway, good to hear, I thought I'd scared you off.

A feeling of relief swept through Remus as he read Sirius' message and he didn't even think to question precisely what it was that Sirius had needed to go off and do.

 **Remus Lupin** : So what happened with James last night then?

 **Sirius Black** : Ok so let me set the scene for you. I was tucked up in bed, sound asleep like a good little student when I was rudely awaken by the buzzer to our flat at 3am.

 **Sirius Black** : I figured James was too wasted to use his keys to get in, so I decided to ignore him for a while, teach him a lesson for disturbing my beauty sleep (that's a cue for you by the way to protest and say 'But Sirius you don't need any beauty sleep, you're perfect as you are'). But the buzzer went again, not stopping this time and I thought James had passed out leaning against it. So I had no choice but to get up.

 **Remus Lupin** : You poor thing. And I'm not pandering to your apparently already sizeable ego.

 **Sirius Black** : Why Remus is that a hint of sarcasm I do detect? Anyway this'll have you feeling sorry for me. I get downstairs to find it's a taxi driver rudely ringing the buzzer because he needs my help to remove James from his vehicle. James who, by the way, was sprawled half in the taxi and half out onto the pavement in an apparent bid to escape the contents of his stomach which he had released all over the backseat of the taxi.

 **Remus Lupin** : Oh God that's horrendous! Saved you a trip to casualty to get his stomach pumped though.

 **Sirius Black** : Mock all you like Remus, you weren't the one who had to pay the taxi driver £100 for him to get his cab cleaned!

 **Remus Lupin** : Ouch, that's a lot of money. Is James awake yet or is he still unconscious?

 **Sirius Black** : I will be getting it back, don't you worry. James is dead to the world still. It's quite fun actually, I'm trying to see how much stuff I can balance on top of him before it all falls off or he wakes up. I'll send you a photo.

Remus chortled at the photo of James with items ranging from shoes to textbooks balanced on top of him.

 **Remus Lupin** : I believe he is missing the classic poorly executed drawing of a penis on his face.

 **Sirius Black** : Remus Elizabeth Lupin you are a genius!

 **Remus Lupin** : That's not my middle name.

 **Sirius Black** : Haha! James now has a cock in permanent marker on his face. I think this may call for an updated Facebook photo. By the way I've just added you as a friend.

Remus exited the messenger app to find that Sirius had indeed sent him a friend request, which he eagerly accepted. He was browsing Sirius' profile, no mention anywhere of a boyfriend, when a new notification came through. Looking he saw he'd been tagged in a photo. Clicking on it he saw Sirius had posted a new photo of James, tagging Remus in the caption, thanking him for the idea of drawing a penis on James' face, one that was highly detailed and artistically rendered.

 **Remus Lupin** : Nice drawing, more detailed than I was expecting though.

 **Sirius Black** : I got a bit carried away but thank you, let's just say it is a very accurate representation.

 **Remus Lupin** : Wait. Is that a drawing of your own appendage?

 **Sirius Black** : Certainly is Remus, and there was me thinking I'd have to wait until our third date for you to see my cock.

 **Remus Lupin** : I don't even have a response to that.

 **Sirius Black** : How about you agree to meet me for lunch tomorrow?

 **Remus Lupin** : Are you asking me out?

 **Sirius Black** : Are you always this obtuse Remus? Of course I bloody am you fool! What do you think all this flirting's been in aid of?

 **Remus Lupin** : Right. Ok. Well my lectures finish at one tomorrow and then I have an hour before I start my shift at the bookshop.

 **Sirius Black** : Great, I'll meet you at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow just after one then.

 **Remus Lupin** : See you then.

Remus put his phone down and then flopped backwards onto his bed, a massive grin spreading across his face. A date! He had a date with Sirius! Suddenly he sat bolt upright- what if he was still asleep and this was all a dream? Grin vanishing Remus pinched himself, hard. Nope, definitely awake. Smiling again, Remus picked his phone up and reread his conversation with Sirius just to make sure he hadn't misunderstood. But no there it was in black and white, Sirius asking him out on a date. Lily was right then, Sirius had been flirting with him, and he, Remus, was totally oblivious to it.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius whistled happily to himself as he stuffed his phone in the back pocket of his skinny jeans and walked into the bathroom to fill up the bucket he was carrying. A date with the mysterious and also very cute Remus Lupin more than made up for less than three hours of sleep the night before. Sirius placed his bucket into the bathtub and turned on the cold tap, letting it run to make sure the water was especially icy before filling the bucket. Once it was full Sirius made his way into James' room, the occupant of which had yet to show any signs of life after his bender the previous night. Sirius was dead on his feet and just wanted to go back bed so he had decided it was time for James to wake up. He made sure he had removed all the items he had previously stacked on top of James before he stood on the bed and emptied the bucket of ice cold water all over his best friend.

'WAAAAH! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK PADS!' James screamed and sat up, looking around frantically. Upon sighting Sirius, who was bent double laughing, he tackled him and the two of them rolled off the bed onto the floor.

'You. Fucking. Arsehole. Sirius. Black,' James punctuated each word with a punch. Sirius weakly raised his arms in front of his face to try and ward off the blows but he was still howling with laughter, tears running down his face, for it to be more than a desultory effort.

Quickly running out of steam James flopped to the floor and lay on his back. 'You could've just woken me up with a bacon sarnie and a cup of tea you know. What the fuck am I going to do about my bed?'

Sirius, who had been taking deep breaths trying to control his laughter, looked over at James. 'But where would the fun have been in that?'

James looked thoughtful. 'Fair point. Seriously tho-'

'I am always Sirius.' James' hand shout out and slapped Sirius on the arm.

'In all _sincerity_ though, how in the name of arse am I supposed to dry this mattress?' James frowned and gestured to his bed, which was now sodden and dripping onto the carpet.

'Not a bloody clue mate, try ringing mum. Anyway, I've been up since 3am thanks to you so I'm off to bed now,' Sirius looked pointedly at James, who at least had the good grace to look sheepish.

'Ah yeah sorry Pads. Pete insisted on getting a bottle of this new drink, Firewhiskey I think it's called. Fucking strong stuff, I'm not sure I have any taste buds left.'

'Sounds delightful,' Sirius replied dryly as he made his way out of James' room. 'Oh and by the way,' he called when he got to the threshold of his bedroom. 'You owe me a hundred quid for throwing up in the back of taxi last night.' A crash from James' room that sounded suspiciously like James falling over in shock was the only reply Sirius got. Chuckling to himself Sirius shut his bedroom door and crashed onto the bed. He was asleep in seconds.

ooOOOoo

Sirius awoke several hours later feeling human again and padded his way out to the living room where James was sat on the sofa holding his iPad, talking to his mum on Skype. Sirius chucked himself onto the sofa besides James and leant against him to get himself in to the shot.

'Afternoon Euphemia,' Sirius smiled widely at Mrs Potter, who was sat at the large oak table in the Potter's kitchen, with a fire roaring in the grate behind her.

'Sirius darling, how are you my love?' asked Euphemia, smiling back fondly at him.

'All the better for seeing your beautiful face. Makes a change from looking at James' ugly mug.'

'Oy!' protested James. 'You had plenty of ogling opportunity on your date with that law student last night.'

'Yeah but he was a pretentious bore. Talked about himself all night and how _Daddy_ was going to hire him at the family firm once he was fully qualified. Good looks are rather diminished by a shit personality. Anyway Mum doesn't want to hear about my boring date, I'm sure she'd much rather hear about your night,' said Sirius waggling his eyebrows and elbowing James in the side.

'Shove off Pads.'

'Boys,' chided Euphemia but she was smiling indulgently at them. 'What were you asking me about just now James before Sirius joined us?'

'Ah, yes. Well. See the thing is my mattress is a bit wet and I need to know how to dry it out,' James' cheeks went red, not wanting to reveal how and why he'd ended up with a wet bed.

'This wouldn't have anything to do with the genitalia drawn on your face would it?' smiled Euphemia, her eyes laughing.

'WHAT!' James shoved the iPad into Sirius' hands and shot up to go and look at himself in the bathroom mirror.

Euphemia wiped a tear from her eye. 'I was just waiting to drop that in there, he clearly didn't know about it or he never would have Skyped me looking like that.'

'Pads what the holy, buggering fuck have you done to me? It won't come off!' James' voice carried clearly down the hallway, and Sirius looked sheepishly at Euphemia. 'Permanent marker,' he explained.

James re-entered the sitting room, sat next to Sirius and grabbed the iPad, elbowing Sirius as he did so. His cheek was very red from where he had tried to scrub off the life-size penis Sirius had drawn on him.

Euphemia bit back a smile. 'Use some of Sirius' nail varnish remover love, that will get it off. As for the mattress, if you've got a couple of hot water bottles between you, fill them up and place them on the mattress. The heat from the bottles should dry it out, might take a while though so you'll have to sleep elsewhere.'

James looked towards Sirius who held up his hand up. 'No way. I'm not sharing a bed with you, you hog the covers. You can sleep in here on the sofa tonight.'

Shrugging James turned back to look at his mum. 'Thanks mum, I'll call you and Dad later in the week.'

'Ok dear. Love you boys, take care. And for God's sake try to stay out of trouble,' Euphemia replied wearily.

'Love you, bye.'

'Love you too mum, bye.' James ended the call and placed the iPad on the coffee table in front of him. 'I was feeling guilty about being glad your date ended badly last night because otherwise I would have been stuck out in the cold all night waiting for you to come home. But now after seeing the monstrosity on my face I don't feel at all bad.'

'Fuck off Prongs, I don't sleep with guys on the first date. And my cock is not a monstrosity, unless of course we're talking about size....'

James snorted. 'Gideon Prewett, Caradoc Dearborn...'

'I don't sleep with guys on the first date ANYMORE,' Sirius repeated loudly. 'Anyway an hour for a lunch date doesn't really leave much time for any _extracurricular_ activities.'

'What? Your date yesterday was in the evening.'

'No you twat, my date tomorrow. With Remus. I asked him out to lunch and he said yes,' Sirius attempted to sound casual but he was aware of a slight flush rising on his face.

James' eyebrows raised so high they disappeared into the mop of hair that was sticking out at odd angles all over his head. 'I knew you fancied him! He was the reason I was waiting out in the cold for you for sodding ages yesterday, wasn't he? You were too busy mooning over him to remember me, your best friend since school, your brother from another mother.'

'I do not moon,' denied Sirius mildly. 'Although I may have been surreptitiously watching him for a while before I went to ask him about collecting my order. He's so bloody cute James, with his hipster get-up and those curls hanging in his eyes and the way he blushes so easily.' Sirius remembered the way Remus had flushed so deeply red after he had made the unintentional innuendo laden comment about not hearing Sirius coming. It had instantly made Sirius think of other ways in which he could induce that shade of red into Remus' face.

The sound of James clearing his throat shook Sirius out of his reverie. He looked over at James to find his friend grinning at him. 'You've got it bad Pads, you're going soft in your old age,' but there was a fondness in his eyes as he said it.

'He knows about astronomy, when I gave him my name he knew that Sirius is the brightest star in the sky. Most people think I'm taking the piss when I introduce myself.'

'Remus reads a lot.' Sirius rolled his eyes at that, they were students, of course they read a lot.

James waved him off. 'Not just for uni but for pleasure too you twat.'

'Keep your hair on Prongsie. Is this why I've never met him before then? He's too busy reading to partake in traditional student activities?'

'I don't think Remus finds social situations too comfortable to be honest, he's never accepted any of my invitations to come to the SU bar before, and he's obviously never attended any of our parties. I'm surprised he agreed to come to our Halloween party actually,' James frowned, hoping Remus hadn't felt pressured into agreeing to coming.

'Well who could resist an evening spent in my company?' Sirius waved his hand over his body.

James looked thoughtfully at Sirius. 'Actually I think you were the reason he agreed to come and he said yes to a date with you, so he obviously likes you. Do you know what? I think you two would be good for each other, your personalities would balance one another out.'

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. 'Anyway mate, what about you? When was the last time you got any action? You spend so much of your time on the rugby pitch I'm beginning to think our parents have two gay sons.'

James flipped Sirius off and lent forwards to retrieve a Chinese take-away menu from the table. 'I just haven't met anyone who's really stood out to me since Dorcas and I broke up at the end of the summer. Who knows, maybe Remus' friend Lily and I will hit it off at the party and we'll end up getting married and having lots of little babies, and you can be godfather and babysit with Remus.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved James off the sofa, who hit the floor with a bang and a loud yelp.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius go on their first date, James ends up in a hedge.

Monday morning found Remus unable to concentrate in his lectures, he barely heard a word his lecturers said and was oblivious to the knowing smirks James was giving him. Remus was too busy worrying about all the things that could go wrong on his date with Sirius- spilling tea down himself, spilling tea over Sirius, getting lettuce stuck in his teeth, tripping up over his own feet, and worst of all feeling so shy and awkward he wouldn't be able to think of a single thing to talk to Sirius about. At the latter thought Remus let out a small groan and hung his head in his hands, regretting agreeing to go on a date with someone who so obviously everything he, Remus, was not. Trying to calm himself Remus took deep breaths and tried to remember what he had learnt in his cognitive behavioural therapy sessions. Maintain eye contact, no safety behaviours such as fiddling with his hair or the sleeves of his jumper and to remember that the onus for conversation does not lie solely with him.

Noticing Remus' distressed state James elbowed him, casting a careful glance to check the lecturer wasn't looking in their direction. 'Rem it'll be fine, Sirius will be too busy staring at you to even register what you're saying. You could probably sit there in silence or talk bollocks the whole time and Sirius wouldn't even notice.'

Remus started to shake his head but James put his arm around Remus' shoulder and pulled him in close. 'Look, just remember that underneath it all Sirius is a massive pratt. This is the man who drew his own cock on my face.' James winced, his cheek was still sore from where he had scrubbed at it with cotton pads soaked in Sirius' nail varnish remover, and it hadn't even removed all the ink. 'Not that you're entirely blame free but anyway. If you and I can be mates than so can you two, even more than mates that is. I just don't want to come home to you two shagging on the sofa, there's only so many naked bollocks a man can see before he starts to doubt his own sexuality.'

Remus let out a snort. 'Don't most people doubt it already with the amount of time you spend with the rest of the rugby team?'

'Remus I am the captain of the team, it is my duty to lead them both on and off the pitch. I cannot help it if that means spending a lot of my time in the SU bar with them.' The arm that had been around Remus's shoulder ended up around his neck with James attempting to give him a noogie, an action that did not go unnoticed by their lecturer.

'Mr Potter and Mr Lupin, perhaps you would care to give your opinions on the matter?' Both boys looked blankly up at Professor Binns. 'I thought not,' he said wryly. 'A two thousand word essay on my desk by the weekend about how the English Reformation affected social practices surrounding death and burial if you please gents.'

James let go of Remus and collapsed into his seat, whilst Remus grimaced and mentally made a note to enlist Sirius' help in getting revenge on James for landing him with extra work. The rest of the lecture passed in a blur and sooner than Remus would have liked it was one o'clock and time for his lunch date with Sirius.

The two boys made their way out of the lecture theatre and found Sirius lounging against the wall opposite the doorway. He was dressed nearly identical to when Remus had first met him in the bookstore, but today had on a David Bowie t-shirt and converse instead of Doc Martens. His face lit up when he saw Remus and he bounced over.

'Rem!'

'Hey! What about me?' exclaimed James indignantly.

'Sod off you pratt, I only saw you this morning.' Rolling his eyes Sirius slung his arm around Remus' shoulder and steered him towards the exit. 'I know we were supposed to meet in the Leaky Cauldron but James told me where your lecture was so I thought I'd come meet you.' In truth Sirius had thought it might make Remus feel slightly less anxious if he didn't have to enter the cafe on his own.

Remus' face flushed at the contact and he tried to think of something to say in return but all he could focus on was the feel of Sirius' arm around him and the heat suffusing his body. He was vaguely aware of James wittering on in the background about having to spend his afternoon in the library instead of the SU bar, working on researching the essay Binns had set them.

'Oi wankers are you just going to walk off without saying goodbye?'

Smirking, Sirius reached out with the arm that wasn't around Remus and shoved James into a nearby hedge. 'We're going on our date now, so fuck off Prongs.'

Remus let out a shocked laugh and looked back over his shoulder to see James spluttering and struggling to disentangle himself from the hedge, bits of twig and leaves sticking out of his bird's nest of a hair-do. He snorted in amusement to himself and shook his head. He then glanced over to Sirius to see that he was watching him, a soft smile on his face.

'What is it? Have I got something on my face?'

Sirius shook his head. 'You're cute when you smile, y'know?'

Remus blushed again and looked away, noting with relief that the Leaky Cauldron was just in front of them. Sirius removed his arm from Remus' shoulder and pushed open the door, holding it for Remus to enter. Walking through the doorway Remus immediately felt slightly calmer as he was greeted with the smell of roasted coffee and freshly baked cakes. The small cafe was a favourite with students, and was done out with mishmashed furniture, none of the chairs around the small tables matched and they were all painted differently in bright colours. In one corner was a big sofa with a couple of squashy looking armchairs. The wall behind the counter was exposed brick, and a large blackboard proclaimed the days specials and the hot drinks selection. There were pot plants all along the windowsills and indie music was playing at a low volume in the background.

Sirius made his way towards the back of the cafe, nabbing a table for two in the corner and pulling out one of the chairs for Remus to sit. Remus felt a rush of gratitude towards Sirius for not choosing a table at the front near the counter or the door where they would be visible. Not that he was concerned about people seeing him on a date with another guy, no, it was more the thought of people _seeing_ him at all. Where possible Remus liked to hide away, out of the scrutiny of other people. He always sat towards the back in lectures, close to the doors in case he needed to make a quick exit because he felt a panic attack coming on. James had never questioned Remus' choice of where to sit, probably because he himself liked to cause the odd bit of mayhem in lectures and found it was best to do so when you weren't under the nose of the lecturer.

Sirius sat down in the chair opposite Remus. 'What would you like to drink Remus?'

'English breakfast tea please, loose leaf if they have it.' He went to reach into his pocket for his wallet but Sirius placed his hand on his arm stopping him. 'I asked you out, I'll pay.' Remus started to protest but trailed off when he saw the stern look on Sirius' face.

'Good.' He broke out into a grin. 'What about food?'

'A slice of chocolate cake please.'

Sirius looked scandalised. 'You have to have something savoury first, you can't just have cake for lunch!'

'You sound just like Lily,' grumbled Remus.

'You can have cake but you have to have something proper first. You can't do an afternoon shift on just cake. You'll have a sugar crash and then where will you be?'

'Fine,' Remus huffed, scanning the menu on the table in front of him. 'A cheese and ham panini please. Mum.'

Sirius barked out a laugh and got up from the table, squeezing Remus' shoulder as he made his way over to the counter to order. Remus scrubbed a hand over his face and fought the urge to check his phone for something to do whilst he was sat there waiting. _No safety behaviours remember_ , he scolded himself. Instead he forced himself to look up and found Sirius watching him from where he stood in line at the counter. He winked at Remus and turned to the waitress to give his order. Remus let his eyes drift over Sirius, stopping when they reached his arse which looked amazing in the jeans he was wearing. They looked to have been painted on they were so tight, not that Remus was complaining.

'Like what you see?' Sirius' voice jolted Remus out of his not-so-pure thoughts and he felt himself blushing again at having been caught staring. His embarrassment was forgotten though when he saw the monstrosity Sirius had placed on the table along with Remus' pot of tea.

'What the hell is that?'

'This my red-faced friend is a freakshake.'

Remus looked in disbelief at the pimped out milkshake on the table. It was a kilner jar filled with strawberry milkshake and piled high with squirty cream which had been topped with strawberries. A generous helping of strawberry sauce, which was now running down the sides of the jar, finished the coma inducing concoction.

'You were just scolding me about wanting only cake for lunch and you come back with that! You'll end up in a coma if you drink that.'

Sirius grinned with his head tilted to one side, reminding Remus of a dog. 'I'm having a jacket potato to balance it out, it'll be fine.'

Remus sniffed. 'I still think your blood sugar level will be off the charts.'

Sirius smirked. 'Does that mean we get to play doctors and nurses after?'

Remus choked on the tea he had just taken a sip off, but was saved from replying by the appearance of the waitress with their food. Once she had served their food, she aimed a flirtatious look at Sirius, which he ignored, and said to call her if they needed anything.

'So Remus, how come we've never met before even though we're both studying at this university and are both friends with James?'

Remus paused in cutting his panini and looked to see Sirius watching him intently as he chewed his food. He sighed internally, knowing this was the point where Sirius realized how boring he was and that would be the end of it between them. 'Well I guess I'm not really a fan of going out to bars and clubs and whatnot like James seems to be. And my student loan and what I earn at the bookstore don't really allow for benders every week. I'd rather stay in and read, or share a takeaway and bottle of wine with Lily to be honest.'

'What's your favourite book?'

Remus was shocked, and his expression must have shown it because Sirius threw his head back and laughed. 'What did you think I was going to say? Rem I don't care if you're not in to going out drinking and clubbing, I did all that in my first year. Honestly I prefer relaxed nights in the pub with James and our mate Pete most of the time. Prongs is the go big or go home drinker out of the two of us, as clearly shown by his antics at the weekend. And I promise you our party at the weekend isn't going to be some kind of Bacchanalian orgy.'

Remus let out a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding and frowned at Sirius. 'You realize you can't ask me to pick a favourite book, it's like asking a parent to pick their favourite child.'

Sirius' expression darkened and Remus immediately knew he'd put his foot in it. 'Shit Sirius, I'm sorry...'

Sirius shook his head and forced a smile on his face. 'It's fine, like I said before it's a story for another time that involves a lot of whiskey. Anyway, so what books do you like to read?'

Not entirely convinced by Sirius' light-hearted tone Remus began to talk about the books and authors he loved, a subject he was quite comfortable and confident discussing. To his delight he discovered that he and Sirius liked to read many of the same authors. Whilst not the avid reader that Remus was, Sirius explained that books and art were his escape whilst living at home with his parents, but did not elaborate further on the subject and Remus did not push it knowing it was a subject for another time not a first date.

Remus had just finished the slice of chocolate cake Sirius had promised and drained his tea when he noticed the time. 'Shit I'd better leave now or I'll be late.'

'Come on, I'll walk you to Flourish and Blotts.' Standing up Sirius pulled out Remus' chair for him, and blushing Remus stood and followed Sirius out of the building. Once outside the Leaky Cauldron Sirius reached for Remus' hand and the two walked in comfortable silence to the bookstore. They stopped outside the door and stood facing one another, hands still entwined.

'So I had a good time,' smirked Sirius.

'Me too, thank you,' blushed Remus, looking down. He then felt two fingers under his chin and his head was forced up so he was looking into those beautiful grey eyes again. The eyes came closer and warm breath that smelt like strawberries fanned over him as Sirius leant in and kissed him. Remus' eyes fluttered shut and the hand that wasn't intertwined with Sirius' came up to thread through the other man's hair as the kiss deepened. Sirius let out a small moan as Remus tugged on his hair slightly and the two abruptly parted, staring at each other and breathing heavily.

'So we should do this again,' said Sirius huskily. Clearing his throat he continued. 'I'll message you later, you'd better go in, looks like your colleague's watching us.'

Turning to look behind him, Remus saw that his manager Marlene was watching them. She grinned widely and gave Remus a big thumbs up. Groaning Remus turned back to Sirius. 'I'm going to get the third degree now. Marlene's been pestering me all semester about setting me up with her friend Gideon.'

'Well you can tell her that you're no longer available.' Sirius stepped in to kiss Remus again, a kiss that was all too brief but held the promise of more. 'I'll talk to you later Rem, have a good afternoon.'

Remus reluctantly let go of Sirius' hand and turned to go in to the bookstore. As he got to the door he looked back and raised a hand in farewell to Sirius, who winked and blew a kiss back at Remus before sauntering off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is a mother bear and Sirius and Remus go on more dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking so long to update, I've had writer's block plus you know, Christmas and all that. Anyway this chapter is longer than previous ones so hopefully this will make up for it.  
> Mentions of social anxiety in this chapter but nothing heavy.

Marlene was mercifully occupied with serving a customer when Remus walked into the bookstore for his shift, so he was able to make it to the staff room to dump his bag and coat undisturbed. He sank down into one of the chairs grouped around the small table and touched his fingers to his lips, which were still tingling from the breathtaking and frankly _arousing_ kiss he had shared with Sirius. He could still taste strawberries on his tongue. Taking a deep breath Remus willed his mind and body under control, it wouldn't do to spend his shift in a state of semi-arousal. Standing up he stowed his bag in his locker and made his way out onto the shop floor where Marlene was now free and smiling at Remus in a manner he could only describe as wolfish.

'You've been holding out on me Remus Lupin,' she accused, planting her hands on her hips.

'I solemnly swear that I haven't,' he denied. 'It all happened rather quickly to be honest.'

'Gideon will be devastated!' Marlene heaved dramatically.

'I'm sure Gideon will cope,' replied Remus dryly.

Sighing Marlene plonked herself down in the chair in front of the work computer. 'Are you going to give me the details then or do I have to beat it out of you? In my sadly single state I need to live vicariously through you.'

Remus rolled his eyes. 'I thought you had a date last week with that woman you met at the art gallery?'

'I did and it went terribly. However we are currently discussing your love life, stop deflecting.'

Remus knew there was no use trying to avoid it, Marlene was like a dog with a bone when she was after gossip. 'Fine. I'll just go and make us a cup of tea first and then we can discuss it.'

Marlene smiled jubilantly, knowing she'd won. 'Two sugars in mine please Rem, thanks.'

Shaking his head Remus picked up her empty mug and headed back towards the staff room, vowing to enlist Lily's help in setting up Marlene with one of her friends so she would finally stop pestering him about his love life.

ooOOOoo

After leaving Remus outside Flourish and Botts, Sirius headed over towards the library in search of James. He sent a text enquiring as to his whereabouts and received a reply seconds later. _Third floor, study area by the bust of Dumbledore_. Sirius pocketed his phone, turning it on vibrate first, he had already been chased out of the library by head librarian Miss Pince too many times for his liking, usually because his phone had rung and therefore broken her cardinal rule of silence. Entering the library, Sirius scanned his library card and pushed through the turnstile into the lobby. Once he got to the third floor he sought the statue of Albus Dumbledore, a previous president of the university who had passed away a few years previously. Sirius found James hidden behind a small mound of books, but rather than reading any of the books he was instead using them to hide behind whilst he surreptitiously played a game on his phone. Sirius plucked a few stray leaves that were still caught in the bird's nest that James called hair from where he had pushed him into a bush earlier, and plopped down in the chair opposite him. 'Try all you like mate, you're not going to beat my high score.'

James looked up with narrowed eyes. 'I wouldn't be so sure of that Pads, your cockiness will be your downfall. It's simply a matter of time.' His eyes returned to his phone again, but not before quickly looking around for Miss Pince.

Sirius smirked. 'Truly spoken like someone who needs a girlfriend. Or a shag. Either will do.' He stretched lazily in his chair, looking as content with himself as he felt. The combination of a high score that there was no way James could beat and a really enjoyable date with Remus Lupin had him feeling pretty pleased with himself.

James looked up at Sirius again, brow furrowed and put his phone down. 'I hope that's not all Remus is to you, a shag,' he said quietly.

Sirius frowned and tilted his head to one side. 'No, actually I quite like him. Enough that I spent most of yesterday evening reading about social anxiety and snooping on his Facebook page, whilst you were trying to scrub that cock off of your face. I figured dates would fall under the remit of things that make him anxious and I wanted to do what I could to make him feel more at ease, which included trying to get a sense of what he's interested in so I could steer the conversation towards that rather than asking him about himself.'

James' eyebrows had raised so high they had disappeared into his mop of black hair. 'You could have just asked me about Remus' interests, I would have told you.'

'Yes after you had finished laughing at me for being a soft bastard.'

James nodded, conceding the point. 'So that's why you wanted to know where our lecture was earlier, so you could meet Remus to take him to lunch?'

Aware of the slight flush climbing his face, Sirius rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. 'I just thought that he'd prefer not to have to enter the Leaky Cauldron on his own.' Sirius had indeed read up a lot on social anxiety and was determined to do whatever he could to make Remus feel at ease when they spent time together. However he also knew he had to be careful not to do too much for him, thereby enabling Remus' anxiety. It was why when they had entered the Leaky Cauldron earlier, although he had led Remus to a table near the back, he had pulled out a chair for him that faced the front of the cafe, and therefore the other customers. He had been impressed that Remus hadn't resorted to pulling out his phone when he had gone to place their order, and also frankly a little turned on when Remus had stared at him with an almost _hungry_ expression on his face.

James nodded thoughtfully. 'This is was what I meant yesterday when I said you two would be good for one another. Just know this, although you're my best mate, and my brother, if you hurt him I will make you hurt.' He fixed Sirius with a stare that brooked no argument.

Sirius felt himself shrink back against his chair slightly, wondering when his best friend had been replaced with a mother bear who'd caught Sirius messing with one of her cubs. 'Yes Sir, scouts honour,' he said casually with a little mocking salute.

James continued to stare at him however. 'I mean it Pads. Remus had been my friend since our first lecture together when we were freshers and he had the grave misfortune to sit next to me and I don't want to see him hurt.'

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 'I really do like him James, he's not just a quick shag. And you have my full permission to rip me limb from limb if I do anything to fuck it up.'

'Good to hear. Now, let's get out of here. We have supplies to buy for our party at the weekend.' James stood up and shoved his notebook and pens along with his phone into his bag and started to lead the way out of the library. Sirius followed slightly behind, lost in thought whilst James composed a shopping list out loud. He hadn't been lying when he told James that he really liked Remus. When Sirius had gone to collect his order at Flourish and Botts, the first thing he had seen upon entering the bookstore was an incredibly handsome young man with a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks and tawny curls that fell over his face, which he periodically shook out of his eyes. Sirius watched as the handsome man, clad in skinny jeans, converse and an oversize knitted cardigan with holes in the sleeves, frowned slightly to himself as he tidied the books on the shelves, pulling off those that didn't belong in that particular section and placed them on the trolley next to him. Sirius had been mesmerized by the way his long fingers moved so gracefully over the books, almost as if they were caressing them, and he had wondered how it would feel to have those fingers dance along his body. Sirius stood for a while simply watching before approaching him to ask about his order.

God but the way Remus had blushed when Sirius flirted with him, it instantly filled his mind with other ways to induce that flustered demeanour. Luckily for him this was made slightly easier when James had come bounding in and started talking to Remus, especially when he invited Remus to their Halloween party. The mention of Lily had thrown him though, he had been sure Remus was gay and attracted to him by the way he had reacted to Sirius' flirting. Luck was on his side again when Remus told him they weren't together. After Remus had agreed to have lunch with him, and James had mentioned to Sirius about Remus being anxious in social situations, Sirius had done a lot of reading on line about social anxiety and he had decided on a plan of little and often. He thought a week of lunch dates in between lectures and work would hopefully be enough for Remus to become comfortable enough to spend a longer amount of time with him, especially as the Halloween party was at the weekend.

James' voice cut into Sirius' thoughts. 'Are you even listening to me Pads?' Noticing Sirius' blank stare, James huffed. 'I was asking for your thoughts on what to dress as on Saturday! It seems like everyone we've invited knows what they're going as but I don't have a bloody clue.'

'Prongs relax,' Sirius grinned. 'I've got the perfect costume for you, we just need to make a stop at that fancy dress place in town.'

ooOOOoo

With help from James regarding Remus' lecture timetable and his work schedule the rest of the week saw Sirius put his plan of 'little and often' into action. Luckily Sirius' lecture schedule didn't clash with Remus' free time and so they were able to have lunch together every day. Sirius would meet Remus outside of his lecture theatre and greet him with a kiss on the side of the mouth, before taking his hand or wrapping his arm around Remus' shoulder and walking to the Leaky Cauldron, where he would lead Remus to the same table and pull out the same chair for him as on their first date. After a brief perusal of the menu Sirius would go to the counter and order for them both.

Remus had more free time on Wednesday and after they had finished eating Sirius went back up to the counter and ordered them both a hot drink, coffee for himself and hot chocolate for Remus. Sirius had realised pretty quickly that Remus had a major sweet tooth where chocolate was concerned and so he ordered him a hot chocolate with all the works- whipped cream, marshmallows and a chocolate flake. Remus' face lit up like a child at Christmas when Sirius placed the drink down in front of him, and he leaned over and gave Sirius a quick kiss on the cheek. Sirius looked down to hide the goofy smile that had spread across his face and looked back up as a message came in on his phone.

'Do you mind if I look? It might be James wanting me to get some more stuff for Saturday.'

Remus shook his head and took a sip of his hot chocolate, eyes closing momentarily in bliss. Sirius unlocked his phone, revealing a photo of a big, black dog as his background. 'Is that the same dog as in your Facebook profile picture?' Remus inclined his head towards Sirius' phone.

Sirius grinned. 'Yeah, that's my dog Fluffy. He's a boarhound, looks big and scary but he wouldn't say boo to a goose, just like his mum.' He showed Remus the photo he had of Fluffy as his background, which showed a dog the size of a small horse.

'So you have two dogs then?'

'Nah, his mum Fang belongs to the Potter's gardener Hagrid. He takes in stray and unwanted animals and rehabilitates them before finding them new homes. He has a soft spot for dogs that people tend to get because they're regarded as being more dangerous and so they think they look like hard bastards with them, you know staffy or pit-bull crosses. The ones that tend to end up being abused or used for dog fighting. Hagrid rehomes most of them but he fell in love with Fang and kept her. He's got a real way with animals, it's like magic. James and I secretly think Hagrid can talk to them.'

'So how did you end up with Fluffy then? And also the Potter's have a gardener? I mean I shouldn't be surprised, I know they have money.'

'Yeah but they're nice with it, unlike my bloody poor excuse for a family. Anyway not long after Hagrid took in Fang it turned out she was a) female and b) pregnant. Hagrid rehomed most of the puppies but he was struggling to find a home for the last one and so I ended up with him. He lives with the James' mum and dad as we're not allowed pets in the apartment block where we live.' Seeing Remus' look of confusion Sirius realised he didn't know that the Potter's were basically his surrogate family. 'Ah yeah, I forgot to mention that I live with James and his parents. James and I have been friends since we were little, we went to this posh boarding school together, and as I may have indicated I didn't get along with my family. I left when I was sixteen and James' parents took me in.'

Remus nodded his understanding and when it looked like he was going to ask more, Sirius clumsily changed the subject, asking Remus how the essay that James had landed him with was going. Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, clearing recognising his not so subtle change of subject but thankfully didn't push it any further.

The next day Sirius again met Remus after his lecture finished but this time he led him to a different table in the Leaky Cauldron, one that was more in the centre of the cafe. Remus looked slightly hesitant but when the waitress greeted them with a warm, genuine smile from behind the counter, he sat in the chair that Sirius pulled out for him and if he guessed what Sirius was up to he didn't say anything. On Friday Sirius took things a step further, texting Remus that he was running late and he would meet him in the Leaky Cauldron rather than outside his lecture hall. As Sirius approached the Leaky Cauldron however he felt apprehensive and slightly guilty, what if he had pushed Remus too far too quickly and he didn't turn up? Pushing open the door to the Leaky Cauldron Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, there was Remus sat at the new table Sirius had moved them to the day before. Remus was absorbed in the book he was reading and didn't hear Sirius come up behind him.

'Hey handsome, whatcha reading?' Sirius placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and bent down to kiss Remus on the cheek before sliding into the seat next to him.

Remus jumped slightly. 'Christ Sirius. I think we need to fix you with a bell and collar so I can hear you coming.'

Sirius smirked in return, enjoying seeing Remus turn a deep shade of red. What he would give to have Remus in his bed and see him flush like that. 'Rem my dear that won't be a problem trust me, but if you want to add a bit of kink into the relationship....' Sirius trailed off, enjoying seeing Remus an even deeper shade of red.

'Everything's an innuendo with you,' Remus muttered sulkily, closing his book.

Sirius reached out to take Remus' hand. 'Only because you make it so easy. And stop pouting, it really makes me want to kiss you.' Sirius lifted Remus' hand to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it as if to underline his words. Remus' eyes softened and Sirius smiled.

Sirius grabbed the menu with his spare hand and opened it. 'Any thoughts on what you want for lunch today?' He looked up from the menu to take in the specials board and then back to Remus who had leant in closer to look at the menu he was holding.

'Mmm maybe soup, it's pretty chilly out there today.' Sirius then realised that Remus was wearing a jumper beneath his cardigan, a scarf and fingerless gloves and his lips twitched in amusement.

'How many pairs of socks have you got on?' Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius and huffed. 'Three.'

Sirius barked out a laugh. 'In that case Rem you can certainly have soup, and I presume a pot of tea to go with it seeing as how you've prematurely become an old man?'

'Fuck off,' Remus replied mildly.

'And just for that you can go and order.' Sirius pulled his wallet out of back pocket and chucked it on the table in front of Remus. 'You can use my card, they've got contactless payment here.'

Sighing Remus got up, taking Sirius' wallet as he did so. 'Fine. What do you want?'

'You, naked in my bed. But seeing as how we're in the Leaky Cauldron and not my flat I'll settle for a coke and bacon sandwich please.' Leaning back in his chair so the front legs were off the ground, Sirius crossed his arms and grinned at Remus, who rolled his eyes and made his way over to the counter. Sirius watched him as he placed their order with the waitress, Emmeline he thought her name was, and a warmth spread through his chest as he thought of how well Remus had done this week without even knowing it. It may only be baby steps but they were steps all the same.

He smiled up at Remus as he made his way back to their table with their drinks. Once he had placed them on the table Sirius grabbed his hand and tugged him down into his lap and before Remus could voice a protest, covered his mouth with his own and kissed him purposefully.

The sound of a throat being cleared interrupted them and Sirius regretfully pulled away from Remus, looking up towards the sound of the voice to find Emmeline, suppressing a smirk, placing their lunch on the table. 'Sorry to interrupt guys but I didn't want your food to go cold.' Remus muttered something unintelligible beneath his breath and buried his red face in Sirius' shoulder. Sirius laughed and stroked Remus' hair. 'Sorry Emmy, he was too cute not to snog.'

Rolling her eyes at the nickname Emmeline playfully batted him on the arm. 'Don't worry about it, it's nice to see people happy and in love.' She walked away back towards the counter humming softly under her breath.

Remus lifted his head from Sirius' shoulder and risked a quick look around at the other customers. 'Relax,' Sirius said in a low voice in his ear. 'Nobody's looking at us, they're too engrossed in what they're doing to take any notice of us.' Still slightly red, Remus nodded and shifted over back into his seat.

'Now Remus, just because I have stirred the blood in your veins and aroused you to new heights with my superior kissing skills does not mean that you can throw me down and have your wicked way with me once we leave here you know,' Sirius said airily. Remus snorted in response but Sirius could see the banked heat in Remus' eyes. Oh yes, he couldn't wait until the party tomorrow night, and intended to create an opportunity for some alone time for the two of them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Halloween party.

'I can't believe you're making me wear this,' Remus groaned as he tugged on the front of the, in his opinion, frankly ridiculous onesie that Lily had insisted he wear.

Lily leant back against the kitchen counter and sipped from her glass of red wine as she studied Remus' outfit for the Halloween party that evening. 'Don't forget the mask too.'

Remus glared at Lily with narrowed eyes but grudgingly slipped the mask on over his head, obscuring the upper half of his face.

Lily smiled in delight and clapped her hands excitedly. 'Much better!' she exclaimed. 'You look very wolfish now. I can't believe you thought you could get away with just wearing a brown t-shirt and trousers. The onesie even has a tail.'

'What!' yelped Remus and he tried frantically to look over his shoulder to spot the offending tail but couldn't quite stretch far enough, and gave up when he realised Lily was bent over double laughing at him. He scowled at her and stomped over to pour himself a glass of wine. 'You're only wearing a red dress, I don't see how anyone will know who you're supposed to be.'

Lily rolled her eyes, walked out of the room and came back in wearing a red hooded cape over her dress with a wicker basket on her right arm. She planted her left hand on her hip and fixed Remus with a stare. 'Better?' she asked sarcastically.

Remus sniffed. 'I suppose,' he muttered into his wine glass.

Lily rolled her eyes again but smiled affectionately at Remus. 'Just think of it this way, you'll drive Sirius mad with the baggy onesie, he won't be able to stop thinking about what's underneath it.'

Remus blushed and refused to look at Lily, focussing instead on the contents of his wine glass. 'It's a party Lily, with lots of people in attendance, there won't be any...hanky panky.'

Lily snorted into her drink. 'I'm sorry, hanky panky? How old are you Rem? And I wouldn't be so sure of that if I were you, which is why I bought you a little something.' Reaching into her basket she pulled out a fold-up travel toothbrush and a small pack of condoms and held them out for Remus to take.

Remus looked horrified at the offering. 'Jesus Lily,' he gasped and walked over to sit on the sofa, head cradled in his hands and his right leg jittering nervously.

'Rem look I'm sorry if I overstepped the mark but you're going to a party, involving alcohol, at the flat of the guy you're seeing. You don't date much and I didn't think you would have thought about the possibility of something happening between you two tonight. It's better to be safe than sorry.'

Remus didn't know whether to be offended by Lily's insinuations of his naivety or be grateful to have a friend who only had his best interests at heart. In truth all he had thought about for the past week, ever since they had shared their first kiss, was sleeping with Sirius however there was the small matter of his inexperience in that area. Remus took a deep breath, he could do this, he could talk to Lily about this. _God please kill me now_. 'I've just never done... _that_...with a guy before,' he said so quietly Lily almost didn't hear him.

'Oh.' In that single syllable was a whole wealth of understanding.

'Dora, my ex-girlfriend is the only person I've ever slept with. I've never had sex with a guy,' Remus stated plainly, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him so he didn't have to be having this conversation.

Lily reached out and placed her hand on Remus' knee and squeezed. 'You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with Remus, that's true of any relationship, whether you've had a dozen partners or none at all.'

Lifting his head Remus nodded. 'Yeah I suppose you're right, I mean this has to happen sooner or later. I like guys, I like Sirius. It's just embarrassing- "hey Sirius, guess what I've never had sex with a guy before and I don't know what I'm doing." I just don't want him to think less of me,' he finished quietly.

'Well if he does then fuck him. Figuratively not literally of course. He's not worth it and you deserve better. However from what you've told me about Sirius I don't think that'll be his reaction. Anyway just concentrate on having a good time tonight, there's no need to borrow trouble where your relationship with Sirius is concerned.'

Remus nodded and smiled gratefully at Lily. 'Thanks Lils, what would I do without you?'

'Probably subsist on chocolate and tea only knowing you.' She gave him a one-armed hug. 'Look the taxi will be here soon, so drink up.'

ooOOOoo

Half an hour later found Remus and Lily stood in the hallway outside front door to James and Sirius' flat on Phineas Street, with the muffled sound of music and voices coming from within the apartment. Lily could hear Remus breathing shallowly and reached out for his hand, giving it a squeeze when she found it. 'Just remember we can leave at any time, all you have to do is say the word. We can go back to the flat and drink tea and watch Netflix instead.'

Remus nodded silently, and just then the door opened, revealing James dressed as Gandalf, complete with beard, wizarding hat and staff, who immediately burst out laughing when he saw Remus and Lily dressed as the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood. 'Oh my God this is too good.' He turned his head to shout over his shoulder for Sirius. 'Pads! PADS! Come here and get a load of your boyfriend.'

Sirius came bounding over from where he had been holding court in the middle of the kitchen and his face lit up when he took in Lily and Remus, the latter blushing from being referred to as Sirius' boyfriend. 'Oh my God, this is excellent. Hang on, let me get a photo of this.' He pulled his phone from out of his skin tight leather trousers and snapped a picture of the twosome.

'Competition winners wouldn't you say Pads?'

'Hands down Prongs.'

'Paws you mean,' quipped James. Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes.

'And who the hell are you supposed to be anyway?' Remus asked James.

'Fuck you, I'm Gandalf. The most powerful and famous wizard of them all,' protested James.

'Hmm, if you say so. And you, I take it Sirius, are supposed to be Jack Sparrow?' asked Remus taking in Sirius' frilly white shirt, waistcoat and red bandana over the top of a dreadlocked wig, and was that... _eyeliner_? Suddenly he was grateful for the roominess of the onesie he was wearing as his cock tightened in response to how _fucking hot_ Sirius looked.

'Captain Jack Sparrow if you don't mind,' replied Sirius loftily. 'Anyway, don't be rude Remus and introduce us to the lovely Miss Riding Hood here.'

'Yes- of course...sorry,' Remus blushed. 'Uh, Sirius, James, this is my flatmate and best friend Lily Evans. And Lily, this is James Potter and Sirius Black.' He gestured to them both in turn and Sirius reached out to envelope Lily in a half hug, kissing her on the cheek. Lily turned to James but he stood frozen just staring at Lily, slightly open mouthed. Lily frowned slightly and turned to look at Remus questioningly. He shrugged in response and looked at Sirius for an explanation. Sirius smirked and Remus felt his stomach flutter, God would he ever get used to how handsome Sirius was?

'Earth to Prongs, you're making a twat of yourself.' Sirius reached out a hand and smacked James across the back of the head, pulling him out of his stupor. James' eyes darted between the three of them and he coughed embarrassedly, turning a rather deep shade of red. 'Right. Yes. Lily, lovely to meet you. Remus speaks of you a lot. Anyway, can I get you both a drink?' Without waiting for an answer James turned and walked into the kitchen area of the large open plan kitchen/sitting/dining room.

Grinning Sirius looked at Remus and rolled his eyes. He leaned in close to whisper in Remus' ear. 'I think Jamesie is rather smitten with Miss Evans, don't you think?' Flushing at the close contact Remus ran his hand through his hair self-consciously and together with Lily followed James into the kitchen. Lily pulled a couple of bottles of wine out of her basket and sat them down on the table top where there was already an impressive collection of bottles. 'I brought these to add to the bar.'

Sirius smiled, looking surprised but genuinely pleased. 'Cheers Lily, you didn't have to do that though.'

'Nonsense,' Lily shook her head. 'It's the polite thing to do.'

'Well I'm not going to argue with more booze. There are more bottles of white in the fridge and beer too, feel free to help yourself to whatever's in there. There's a table with food on by the windows, nothing fancy but Remus I made sure there are plenty of chocolate snacks to keep you happy.' Sirius waggled his eyebrows at Remus, who felt his lips twitch in return. James handed Lily a glass of red wine and she smiled her thanks. 'Oh I think I see my friend Dorcas over there,' she nodded in the direction of the sofa. 'I'm just going to go over and say hello, excuse me.'

'You're drooling Prongs.'

'Huh?' James looked dazedly over to Sirius who was smirking again. Sirius shook his head, and grabbed an unopened bottle of red wine and two glasses. 'Come on Moony, let's get out of the splash zone.'

'Moony?'

Sirius grinned and gestured to Remus' outfit with his glass. 'Yeah cuz of the wolf get up, you know werewolves and full moons.'

'I'm not a werewolf though, just an ordinary wolf,' Remus protested.

'Hmm, I've never been convinced the wolf in the story was an ordinary wolf though. He could talk and walked on two legs, screams werewolf to me.'

'Still, is there really a need for the nickname?'

'Me, James and Peter all have them, so it was only a matter of time before you did too.' Sirius smiled at Remus as if that explained everything. Remus felt his heart speed up slightly, they'd only been dating for a week and yet Sirius had already given him a nickname. The possibility of Lily's _gifts_  being used had suddenly just increased.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him over to where Lily and Dorcas were sat on the sofa talking and flopped down into the armchair facing them and pulled Remus down on to his lap.

Lily and Dorcas, who was dressed as a witch, looked up at the interruption and Lily grinned knowingly. 'Dorcas this is my flatmate Remus, I don't think you two have met before?'

Dorcas shook her head. 'Nice to meet you Remus. Nice costume by the way.'

'Hey hands off Meadowes,' said Sirius growling. 'He's mine.'

'Fuck off Black, you know I prefer women.'

'That's _Captain_  Black to you and I do know it. I take every opportunity to remind James of it.'

Remus was following the back and forth between the two of them, head moving from one to the other like he was watching a tennis match. 'Dorcas as in...James' ex-girlfriend?' he asked tentatively, remembering that the two of them had broken up at the end of the summer.

'The one and only,' she smiled.

'Yeah Dorcas used to date James, until he put her off men altogether and now she only dates chicks,' Sirius explained to Remus as he opened the bottle of wine and poured them both a glass.

Dorcas sighed exasperatedly. 'It wasn't quite like that Sirius and you know it. James and I are better off being good friends, although you two do come as a package deal.' She grimaced mockingly.

'It's a small world really.' Lily looked amused as she gestured between them all. 'Dorcas and I on the same course, she dated James, who is studying History with Remus, and Remus is dating Sirius who lives with James.'

Sirius looked at Lily slyly. 'You could make it even more incestuous and date James. Although you do run the risk of turning into a lesbian.'

Before Lily had time to think of a retort Sirius turned to Dorcas. 'Dating anyone at the moment Meadowes?'

Dorcas looked at Lily as if to say _ignore him_ before replying. 'No one specific. I've had a few dates here and there but nothing that's panned out.'

Lily's face lit up in a smile. 'I know! Remus' manager Marlene is single and looking at the moment. She's a couple of years older than us, post-grad student, really hot.'

'And it's already begun,' Sirius muttered quietly, smirking. The smirk turned to a pout though when Remus elbowed him.

'Is she really?' Dorcas looked to Remus for confirmation.

'Yes, very hot. Marlene's awesome, she can drink you under the table and swears like a trooper but she's really intelligent and has a really dry sense of humour. Hang on, I'll show you a photo of her.' With difficulty Remus reached into the pocket of his onesie to extract his phone, shifting as he did so for easier access. Sirius made a low odd noise halfway between a moan and a grimace and Remus looked at him quizzically. 'Ok Sirius?'

Studiously not looking at Remus, Sirius made a noise of consent. Remus frowned wondering what was wrong with him but seconds later felt a hard ridge pressing against the back of his thigh. _Oh_ thought Remus and also _wow_. Biting back a smile he unlocked his phone and opened the Facebook app, quickly located Marlene's profile and held the phone out for Dorcas to look.

She raised her eyebrows impressed. 'Wow she is a babe.'

'If you're free Monday afternoon come into Flourish and Blotts on campus. It's where Marlene and I work and I can introduce you.'

Dorcas smiled happily. 'Ok, cool.'

Remus shifted again to put his phone away and felt jubilant once more when Sirius let out another low noise. Luckily no one apart from Remus heard, the sound masked by the music playing in the background and the general sound of chatter from the partygoers. Leaning back into Sirius Remus sipped his wine and listened contentedly as Sirius and Dorcas began a heated discussion about whether or not the TV adaption of _Game of Thrones_ was better than the books. From time to time Sirius glanced at Remus as if to make sure he was ok, and Remus was gratified to see the banked heat in Sirius' eyes.

'I think we may have to agree to disagree on this one Meadowes.'

Dorcas shrugged. 'You only say that because you know I'm right, the books are vastly superior.'

Sirius made a rude noise and Dorcas rolled her eyes. 'I don't know how you put up with him Remus, he's insufferable.'

Remus laughed. 'It's only been a week, just give it time.'

'Oy!' Sirius protested, slapping Remus on the thigh.

'Better watch it Black or you'll be spending your birthday next week alone,' Dorcas teased.

'What? It's your birthday?' Remus looked from Sirius to Dorcas and back again in confusion.

'On Tuesday it is yes, but I don't generally do anything to celebrate it. Birthdays were never high on the agenda with my family.' Sirius spoke in a casual manner but Remus could hear the faint bitterness that lay beneath his words.

Remus frowned. 'Well that's not right. It's your birthday.'

'Moony relax, I'm not bothered about my birthday. I can celebrate myself all throughout the year, I don't need one specific day to do so.'

Dorcas snorted into her wine glass. 'Yeah and don't we know it.'

'Oi,' Sirius pointed with his glass at Dorcas, a faint red tinge to his cheeks.

Frowning Remus looked around for Lily who had gone to get herself another drink part way through the _Game of Thrones_ debate. He spotted her by the kitchen talking to a tall, dark haired man who had his arm around a shorter blonde woman, and James. Abruptly he extricated himself from Sirius' lap and made his way over to the small group.

'Rem what's wrong?' Lily placed a concerned hand on Remus' upper arm, and quickly glanced at James who Remus noticed also had a concerned look on his face.

'Sorry to interrupt your conversation but Lily would it be alright if I invited Sirius over to the flat on Tuesday evening? It's his birthday and I want to cook for him.' Looking towards James he continued, 'unless you already have plans for Tuesday?'

James shook his head. 'No plans mate, Sirius has never been one for celebrating his birthday. Normally we do something to celebrate Halloween instead. So he's all yours.'

Remus looked back to Lily. 'Of course I don't mind Rem, I'll just make myself scarce for the evening. I might book a session in the chemistry lab.'

'You could come out with me.'

Lily's head whipped to look at James who'd gone bright red and only just seemed to realise what he'd said. 'I mean, only if you want to. We could go watch a film and get dinner...' he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as Lily looked thoughtfully at him.

'Ok.'

'Ok?'

'Yes,' she nodded. 'It's a date.'

'It's a date,' James repeated grinning and looking relieved.

Remus simply rolled his eyes and walked back to where Dorcas and Sirius were sat, now arguing about the likelihood of James' rugby team winning the tournament that year.

Sirius looked up as Remus sat down next to him. 'Alright Moony?' he asked quietly.

'Yes, you're coming to my flat Tuesday evening and I'm cooking dinner for you. Lily's going out with James, so it'll just be us.'

Dorcas made an oooooh noise but Sirius ignored her. 'Sounds great to me Rem,' he said grinning and leant in to kiss Remus.

ooOOOoo

A couple of hours and several glasses of wine later Remus was starting to feel anxious. He'd been fine when just sat chatting with Sirius, Lily and Dorcas but parties meant mingling and Remus had met a lot of James and Sirius' friends. He had immediately hit it off with their best friend Peter, dressed as a rodent, and felt relaxed in his company as they had chatted for a while about their mutual love of the Great British Bake off. Remus loved all things sweet and Peter enjoyed baking, so naturally they were both addicted to the show, which had finished earlier that month, leaving the pair of them with a hole in their Wednesday evenings. Remus had also met Frank and Alice, dressed as Woody and Jessie from Toy Story, the couple Lily and James had been talking to earlier when he had interrupted. They were fellow second year students who were shamelessly in love and planning on moving in together in the next academic year. As nice as everyone had been, he was now feeling overwhelmed and in need of some time out.

Sirius had stayed close to Remus all evening but when he went to refill their glasses Remus took his opportunity and snuck off to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He sat on the toilet lid, rested his head in his hands and took deep, slow breaths, trying to get as much oxygen in his body as possible to lower his blood pressure. However this was made difficult by the guilt pervading his body for abandoning Sirius without saying anything and he dreaded Sirius' reaction to the situation. The last time Remus had tried to explain his social anxiety to the person he was dating it didn't go well. Benjy had scoffed at him, saying Remus couldn't possibly be socially anxious when he worked in a shop, he was just fucking weird. Remus had tried to explain that social anxiety affected individuals in different ways and what was triggering for one person could be fine for another. Remus could cope in Flourish and Blotts because for him bookstores were a calm, happy environment. Reading was his passion and so books were the one thing he could talk confidently about, this and the fact he didn't have to talk people into making a purchase meant he could cope with the customer interaction. However that wasn't to say he didn't go home feeling the need to re-charge after the end of each shift. Benjy hadn't, or didn't want, to understand and so they had gone their separate ways, and since then Remus hadn't seen the point in dating. That was until Sirius had come along and yanked Remus out of his comfort zone.

Remus' thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. 'Remus?' Sirius' voice sounded through the bathroom door. 'You in there?'

 _Shit_.

'Come on Moony, open up and let me in. Or I'll be forced to fetch Lily and I don't think either of us wants that.'

Remus sighed. Sirius was right, Lily would tell him off and probably Sirius too for not realising Remus was feeling anxious, even though Sirius didn't know about Remus' social anxiety. Not that it was exactly hard to tell, some days he felt that he may as well walk around with a sign over his head that said 'socially awkward weirdo.' Remus reluctantly got up and unlocked the door and had barely had a chance to grasp the handle before Sirius was through the door enveloping Remus in his arms. 'Moony if you were feeling anxious why didn't you just tell me instead of sneaking off.'

Remus' heart stuttered. Sirius knew?

'I can hear you thinking you know. James clued me into your social anxiety after I asked you out last week. Anyway, let's get you out of here and go chill out in my room for a while. No one will disturb us in there, but I'll text James anyway and tell him to leave us alone for a bit.' Sirius let go of Remus from his embrace, grabbed his hand and led him away from where the party was happening towards a door at the end of the hallway. Sirius opened his bedroom door and flicked the lights on revealing a well sized room, and ushered Remus inside before following him in and locking the door. He pulled his phone out and tapped away on the screen. 'Right there we go, I've told James to leave us alone for half an hour.'

'He'll think we're shagging,' said Remus wryly.

'Nah I just told him you needed a breather.' Sirius continued to tap on his phone and suddenly the sounds of breaking waves and bamboo chimes filled the room. 'Relaxation app I downloaded, just in case.' He placed his phone on the bedside table, switched on the lamp there and switched off the main light, bathing the room in a soft, warm glow.

Remus felt himself melt a little. This was not what he had expected to happen when Sirius had found him in the bathroom. He nodded gratefully, still feeling a bit shaky. Sirius grabbed his hand and led him over to the bed. 'Here, sit or lie down. Whichever.'

'Oh. Right. Of course, sorry.'

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand. 'Moony, stop apologising. You have nothing to say sorry for you idiot.' He softened his words with a smile so Remus knew he was teasing with the 'idiot'.

Remus opened his mouth to speak but Sirius cut him off. 'If you say sorry for saying sorry I will kick your ass.'

Remus' eyes glinted with laughter, that was exactly what he had been planning on doing just to wind Sirius up.

Remus sat on the bed and leaned back against the pillows, a small tendril of delight unfurling inside him when he realised he could smell Sirius on them. His heart rate sped up as he realised he was lying on Sirius' _bed_. He looked up as Sirius sat down on the other side of the bed. 'Come here Moony.' Sirius opened his arms out and Remus moved over snuggling into Sirius' side. Sirius placed Remus' head on his chest and then wrapped his arms around him in a warm, comforting embrace. Remus sighed happily, listening to the sound of Sirius' heartbeat, which at that moment was going faster than was normal.

Remus lifted his head to look questioningly at Sirius and found the other man already looking at him. Sirius' eyes flashed and he rolled in a fluid motion, switching their positions so Remus was on his back looking up at Sirius. Sirius' eyes were blazing and he leant down to kiss Remus. A fire lit within Remus' stomach and he returned the kiss with ardour, opening his mouth to Sirius' probing tongue, Sirius moaned and shifted so he was straddling Remus. Sirius pulled down the zipper of Remus' onesie and slipped his hand inside under the t-shirt Remus wore, stroking his hot skin. Remus gasped at the contact, wanting to feel more of Sirius against his skin. He ran his hands up to Sirius' shoulders, pushing off the waistcoat he was wearing, and then starting to undo the buttons of the ridiculous white frilled shirt he had on. Sirius responded by pulling the wolf costume down over Remus' his arms and then broke away from the kiss to pull Remus' t-shirt over his head. Sirius flattened himself against Remus, kissing and licking his neck, and Remus hissed in pleasure as he felt Sirius' bare torso against his own, and realized dazedly that Sirius had one of his nipples pierced. Pure lust shot through Remus and he felt his hips thrust up against Sirius, groaning when his cock, which was now achingly hard, brushed against Sirius' muscular thigh. His back arched off the bed when Sirius kissed his way down his torso, sucking and then gently biting his nipple. 'God Sirius.'

Sirius looked up at Remus, pupils blown with desire, and grinned hungrily. He climbed back up Remus' body and began his assault anew on Remus' mouth. Their hands wandered greedily over each other's bodies, and Sirius rolled his hips against Remus', his cock straining against the confines of his skin-tight jeans. His hand snaked towards the waistband of Remus' boxers and had just dipped below when a knock at the door interrupted them.

'Fuck off Prongs, I'm busy,' Sirius lifted his head and shouted at the door.

'It's Lily actually. I just wanted to make sure that Remus is ok.'

Groaning in frustration Sirius rested his head against Remus' bare shoulder. 'Fucks sake,' he muttered into Remus' skin. Remus huffed a chuckle. 'Sorry Siri, I'd better talk to her or she'll worry.'

Sirius pulled away and sat up. 'It's ok Moony, I'd be the same in her shoes.'

'Hang on a minute Lily,' Remus called. He sat up and slipped his arms back inside the onesie and zipped it up. He waited until Sirius had pulled his shirt and waistcoat back on, admiring Sirius' body as he did so, before getting up and unlocking and opening the door.

Lily stood with a worried expression on her face. 'Rem! Are you ok? You disappeared and then James said Sirius had text him to say you were feeling anxious and were having some time out in his room. I know he said not to disturb you but I was worried.'

Remus drew her in for a hug. 'I'm ok Lils, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed but I'm alright now.'

Lily pulled away and searched his face, making sure he was telling the truth. Her eyes went past him to a point over her shoulder and her mouth opened in an 'O'. She looked back to Remus. 'Sorry Rem, I interrupted didn't I?'

'Yes you fucking well did,' came Sirius' voice from behind them in his room.

Remus turned his head to frown at Sirius over his shoulder before facing Lily again. 'It's alright-' '

No it fucking well isn't.'

'Shagging at a party with a bunch of people down the hall is quite cliché anyway. Probably a good thing you interrupted.' Remus heard Sirius heave an overdramatic sigh behind him and he rolled his eyes good-naturedly at Lily.

Lily's eye danced with laughter. 'Well if you're sure you're ok, I'll leave you two alone.'

'No, we'll come with you. Won't we Sirius?'

Sirius muttered something under his breath but turned to Remus and Lily smiling. 'Come on then, my fans will be missing me.' With that he swept past them out into the hallway, chucking a grin over his shoulder at the pair of them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the explicit rating comes in. I've never written a sex scene before (I've never written a fanfiction before) and I found it quite difficult to do. Particularly as I'm not a man. So I've just had to draw on the multitude of Sirius/Remus fanfictions I've read. If you think it could be improved in any way please let me know in the comments.
> 
> Also thank you for all the kudos and kind comments I've had so far, they really mean a lot to me!

Early Tuesday evening found Remus stood in the kitchen of his and Lily's flat, studying the array of foodstuffs on the table before him, checking them off against the list of ingredients he had written out.

'How come you never cook for me?' Lily asked teasingly, not looking up from where she was sat on the sofa in her dressing gown, painting her nails ready for her date with James that evening.

'Because I don't want to sleep with you,' answered Remus distractedly.

 _Rice...yes, chicken...yes, mushrooms...yes, stock cubes... Shit where were the stock cubes?_ Remus thought that if he had to go back out in the cold to go to the corner shop because they didn't have any stock cubes he might just fucking cry. It was bloody freezing out there and the sky had been threatening snow earlier. Remus didn't fancy slipping on an icy pavement and breaking his bloody ankle especially when Sirius was coming to his flat for dinner. A dinner that required sodding stock cubes.

'They're on the kitchen counter next to the kettle,' said Lily, bent over in concentration as she applied a sultry red polish to her fingernails.

'Sorry?'

'The stock cubes. That was what you were muttering under your breath wasn't it?'

Remus turned and spotted the offending items sat in plain view next to the kettle, where he had put them after taking them out of the cupboard earlier, before promptly forgetting about them because he had been distracted by a message from Sirius saying he was looking forward to tonight. 'Thank Christ,' Remus said, body sagging in relief. 'Cheers Lily.'

'No worries,' Lily replied as she splayed her hands out to examine her handi-work and blew on her nails to help dry them.

Remus checked all the items off his list and breathed a sigh of relief. Now all he had to do was actually cook the risotto. Which would be fine if a) he had ever cooked a risotto before in his life and b) he could cook. Inviting Sirius for dinner to celebrate his birthday had been more of an impulse born out of the belief that no one should treat their birthday as if it was any other day and spend it not doing anything. Birthdays in his household had always been a special day, and although his parents didn't have a lot of money when he was growing up, they had always made his birthdays special through their actions. And that was what Remus intended to do for Sirius, if he didn't end up giving him food poisoning that is. He also hoped that the evening might involve a repetition of what had occurred in Sirius' bedroom on Saturday night, just without the interruption from Lily.

Feeling his face turning red Remus squashed the image of Sirius half naked in those absurd skin tight leather trousers and eyeliner, and instead looked at the recipe he had found on the internet and downloaded onto his phone. He had chosen chicken and mushroom risotto because it sounded quite fancy but, and this was key, didn't look too difficult. He had taken the easy route for dessert and had bought two individual chocolate tarts from the Leaky Cauldron in between lectures earlier. The repetition of going there for lunch every day with Sirius now meant he no longer felt as anxious in there as he had at the start of last week, and entering by himself was no longer such an ordeal because Emmeline the waitress (and barista, he had learnt) greeted him like a friend every time he went in. She had even given him a pot of white chocolate sauce free of charge to go with the tarts, and when Remus told her they were for Sirius' birthday dinner that evening, she had promised not to mention anything to Sirius if he came in. Remus sighed, he would much rather have just had the tarts for dinner but Sirius was one of those weird people who didn't believe that chocolate in itself constituted a meal.

'What was that sigh for?

'Just thinking it would be so much easier just to have dessert for dinner.'

Lily rolled her eyes and snorted. 'You know one of these days your metabolism will slow down and all that chocolate will go straight to the places you don't want it to go. Then you'll have to eat proper things like vegetables and fruit.'

Ignoring her admonishments, Remus walked over and sat down next to Lily on the sofa. 'Oi, watch it, I nearly painted my toe then.' Fingernails done, Lily had now moved onto her toenails.

'Planning on getting lucky tonight are we Evans?'

'Piss off. Like that's not what you're planning _Moony_ ,' said Lily arching an eyebrow.

Remus blushed. That was exactly what he was hoping for. He still felt apprehensive as to how Sirius would react knowing he had never been with another man, but he had seemed to enjoy the all-too-brief intimacy they had shared during the party.

'Anyway, it's just nice to have matching sets of nails, I don't plan on letting Potter see my toenails just yet.'

'What time is he picking you up anyway?' Lily looked at her watch. 'In about half an hour, I imagine Sirius will be with him so you might want to get a shifty on with the food.'

'Shit!' yelped Remus. 'I didn't realise how late it was and I don't even know what to wear and I've not even had a shower! Fuck!' He got up and ran to his bedroom, oblivious to the laughter coming from behind him.

'Rem, calm down. Look I'll pick something for you to wear whilst you're in the shower, ok?' Remus nodded slowly, panic still gripping his brain, but allowed himself to be steered out of his bedroom and towards the bathroom, gripping the towel Lily had shoved into his arms.

And that was how Lily came to be still in her dressing gown when she answered the door to Sirius and James, their smiles quickly turning to a smirk and an open-mouthed look of astonishment respectively. Lily rolled her eyes, thinking if she had a pound for every time she did that because of one of the boys she'd be a bloody millionaire by now. 'Black wipe that smirk off your face and Potter eyes back in your head please. And hurry up and get in here before my neighbours think I'm operating a brothel.' Lily turned to lead the two men up the stairs to her and Remus' flat.

'Ooof.'

Lily stopped and turned to look at James and Sirius, raising an eyebrow when she saw James rubbing his arm and Sirius smirking.

'It's alright, he just walked into the wall,' Sirius explained.

Lily just continued to stare at them before she turned and resumed walking.

'Fucking hell Pads, did you have to smack me so hard? That's going to leave a bruise!' James whispered angrily.

'You were staring at her arse like she's a piece of meat,' Sirius argued, also in a whisper so Lily wouldn't know James had been staring at her shapely rear with a dumbstruck look on his face. 'You were practically drooling.'

'Oh fuck off, like you don't go all gooey eyed over Remus every time you two are in the same room together. Don't think I didn't notice the way you were staring at him Saturday night,' James replied exasperated.

'I was checking to make sure he was ok, he has social anxiety you know Prongs,' Sirius sniffed, avoiding looking James in the eye.

'Right if you two are quite finished with whatever discussion you're having, maybe you'd like to come in and have a drink?'

Sirius and James looked up simultaneously, not realising they had stopped at the top of the stairs, where Lily stood looking at them outside her front door, arms crossed, her lips twitching with a smile.

'Oh yes, thank you Lily. That would be lovely,' James smiled and strolled through the open door into the small hallway. Behind him Sirius rolled his eyes and pulled a face but followed James into the flat.

'Where's Remus?' Sirius asked Lily, looking around as he entered the open plan kitchen and living area behind James.

'He's just in his room getting dressed. We kind of lost track of time, hence the dressing gown. I'll go and get changed when's he emerged.'

Sirius' brain instantly supplied a mental image of how Remus had looked underneath him on Saturday, his lovely pale skin flushed red and his lips swollen from Sirius' kisses. Sirius felt a hard whack against his arm

'Now who's drooling?' James snorted.

'Ow, fuck off Prongs you twat,' Sirius retaliated by grabbing James in a headlock.

'Remind me again why Remus and I agreed to go out with the two of you?' Lily asked as she took a bottle of wine from the fridge.

'Sorry Lily,' they both said simultaneously with sheepish looks on their faces. Lily just rolled her eyes and poured wine into the glasses she had taken out of the cupboard for them. Gesturing for them to sit on the sofa she placed the glasses on the coffee table and sat in the chair adjacent to them, crossing one slim leg over the other. In an attempt not to get distracted by Lily's legs, which were just as shapely as her rear James thought, he looked around the kitchen for signs of the meal Remus was supposed to be cooking Sirius. 'So where's this birthday dinner for Sirius then? Or has Remus not popped it in the microwave yet? Ow!' he added as Sirius elbowed him in the side.

Lily grimaced slightly. 'He's not made a start on it yet.' Lowering her voice slightly she continued. 'He's a bit stressed about it to be honest, he doesn't really cook much. You know what he's like, if he could eat chocolate cake for dinner he would, and does quite frequently. It's infuriating really how slim he stays despite all the chocolate he eats.'

James jumped up. 'Right well, can't have our Moony getting stressed over cooking a meal for this fleabag here, I'll get started on it for him.'

Sirius started to object but then thought better of it, he really didn't want Remus to get himself all worked up over his birthday. It didn't matter to Sirius, so why should someone else worry themselves silly over it. Instead all he said was, 'Won't you be late for your reservation?'

'I didn't make one,' James replied. 'There's so many places to eat in town and it's a Tuesday night, not like it's Friday or Saturday. I hope that's ok Lily?'

Lily shook her head. 'Fine by me, I'm easy when it comes to eating. Rem is the pain in the arse.'

James' lips twitched. 'Right, well. What's Remus making, and where are the ingredients?'

ooOOOoo

Remus opened his bedroom door and was met with the smell of onions and garlic frying and the sound of chatter coming from the kitchen. Frowning he walked into the room to find James stood in front of the cooker, one hand on the handle of the wok from which the smell of onions and garlic was emanating and the other holding a wooden spoon. Lily and Sirius were sat on the sofa together, Lily still in her robe, and there was music playing at a low volume in the background.

They all looked at him as he entered the room, and Sirius bounded over and wrapped Remus in a big hug. 'Moony! You didn't need to go to all this trouble for me, I'd have been happy with a McDonalds.'

'He's not joking,' said James from over by the cooker. 'Last time we went I had to order a Happy Meal for him. The woman who served me thought he was special, needless to say I didn't correct her.'

'Well technically I haven't gone to any trouble because James is doing the cooking,' Remus said, feeling a bit confused by what was going on.

'Ah yeah, sorry mate,' James rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. 'We didn't want you getting stressed over the cooking, so I thought I'd get you started. Rest assured I'm a decent cook, my mother taught me well.'

Remus looked around at his friends and Sirius (Boyfriend? Date? Guy he was seeing?). They all looked relaxed and happy, and there was a pleasant atmosphere in the little flat. Lily was flushed and smiling, although that could have been because of the wine. James seemed at home doing the cooking, sipping from his wine in between chopping the mushrooms. And Sirius. Well he was watching Remus with a wary look on his face, as if Remus might bolt from the room at any given moment. Understandable after his little melt down at the Halloween party. In that instant his decision was cemented.

'Well there's enough food for four of us, that is if Sirius doesn't mind sharing his birthday meal with you two and if you guys are happy to stay in and make it a double date of sorts?' Remus looked at them all individually to gauge their reactions.

Lily and James both beamed and looked at each other nodding and then turned to look at Sirius. He shrugged. 'Hey you know I'm not one for celebrating my birthday, so I'm happy to spend the evening with you lot, as long as Moony is ok with it.' Sirius's arm, which was now around Remus' waist, tightened for a moment, as if to say _it's your decision, I'm happy if you're happy_.

Remus nodded. 'Well in that case then, James you can direct me as to what you want me to do. We can cook for Sirius and Lily as we promised them food.'

Lily stood up. 'Right well, I'm just going to go and get changed then. Try not to destroy the kitchen whilst I'm gone.' She disappeared through the door, James watching her as she went.

Remus set about helping James with the risotto, and Sirius sat himself on the counter next to them reminding Remus of a puppy following its owners around. 'So Sirius tells me that Dorcas hit it off with Marlene yesterday,' prompted James.

Remus smiled, remembering Dorcas' reaction when she set eyes on Marlene for the first time. Her jaw had literally dropped, reminding Remus of James' reaction to meeting Lily. 'They were still talking by the time Marlene's break came around half an hour after Dorcas came in, so I kicked them out to go and get coffee from the Leaky Cauldron. When Marlene came back she was looking rather...flushed, shall we say.'

'Like you when you came out of Sirius' bedroom Saturday night Remus!' James laughed as he dodged the snap of the tea towel Remus flicked at him. 'Pads help! Your boyfriend's physically abusing me.' James came to a halt, holding both hands in front of him as if to call a truce and noticed both boys had gone slightly red and were unnaturally still. He narrows his eyes at them. 'Alright, what's going on? Do I have to bash heads together?'

'Who's bashing heads together?' Lily entered the room and immediately noticed Remus and Sirius' red faces and still forms. Looking at James she said, 'What did you do?'

'Me!' spluttered James indignantly. 'I have done nothing Lily flower, I merely protested to Sirius that his boyfriend was abusing me and then this happened,' James waved at hand at the two of them.

Lily's face transformed into one of understanding. 'I think you may have jumped the gun a bit in the use of 'boyfriend' James.'

'Oh. Shit. Sorry guys. But now that the subject has been broached...' He looked hopefully from Sirius, who was gazing at Remus, to Remus, who was studiously gazing at the floor, and back again. Realising he wasn't going to get an answer he sighed and turned his attention back to the meal that was simmering away on the cooker top.

Remus felt some of the tension leave his body as James turned his attention away from him, but he felt as if he was too big for his skin and really desperately wanted to be free of the room, which all of a sudden felt far too small. He muttered something about having left a candle burning and quickly walked out of the room, seeking the refuge of his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and leant back against it, eyes closed and exhaled slowly. Opening them he walked over to his window, lamenting yet again the fact that it was painted shut because right now he could really do with the slap of cold, fresh air on his face. Instead he sat on the windowseat and rested his forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes. Remus knew it was too early to bring up the boyfriend word but he couldn't blame Sirius for not wanting to be his boyfriend. It had only been a matter of time before Remus' anxiety became too much for someone who was as extroverted as Sirius to handle. Remus had watched the way Sirius had interacted with his guests at the party, he bounced from person to person pulling Remus along with him, hands gesturing wildly whilst he talked animatedly with them, letting out that startling bark of laughter, head thrown back when someone said something to make him laugh. Sirius was very tactile too, something that Remus certainly was not; in general he didn't like people touching him and there were very few exceptions to that rule. He had been unnerved at first by the way Sirius was always touching him in some way, although this was partly due to his attraction to Sirius. Remus had, surprisingly, grown quickly comfortable with Sirius' touches and anticipated the physical contact with Sirius in a way that made his nerves hum and sing. He would never be comfortable to make physical contact with people in the way that Sirius did though, Sirius communicated with touch, a hand resting on a friend's back or their shoulder, a sly ruffle of hair or a tug on a ponytail, and he hugged _everybody_ , regardless of how well he knew them. He reminded Remus of a puppy in the way he bounced around and demanded attention and petting from everyone.

Drawn so far into his thoughts Remus didn't hear the knock at the door and he jumped, startled, when the door opened.

'Moony?' his nickname on Sirius' lips, softly spoken, made Remus' heart lurch. It wasn't fair that just Sirius' voice could do that to him, make him feel like he was wearing his skin inside out.

'Hey what's wrong? You left the room really fast and you didn't come back.' Sirius sat on the windowseat and turned his body to face Remus, placing his hand on Remus' leg.

Remus didn't look at Sirius, instead he continued to look out the window, trying vainly to spot the stars that were obscured by light pollution. He heard Sirius take a deep breath and slowly exhale. 'Remus-' he began.

'Sirius it's fine. If I were you I wouldn't want to be tied down to someone who can't spend more than two hours in the company of other people without having a meltdown.' Remus continued looking out of the window, ignoring Sirius' gaze that he could feel boring into him.

Sirius' grip on Remus' leg tightened. 'Remus look at me,' he bit out.

Surprised by his tone Remus looked at Sirius for the first time since he had entered the room. Sirius' eyebrows were knitted together in a deep frown as he looked back at Remus and his lips were pressed tightly together. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it as he launched himself at Remus and pressed his lips firmly against the other man's. Sirius fisted his hand into Remus' curls and gripped Remus' hip with his other and let out a small growl as he desperately kissed him, as if he was trying to pour everything he wanted to say into that kiss. Finally he pulled back, panting, and stared at Remus who was also trying to catch his breath.

'You are such an idiot you know.'

'I-'

'I don't care about your anxiety, well I do but in that it makes you feel less of a person compared to others and I don't like to see you hurting. I want to be with you Remus, warts and all. Not that I have any warts, I have a clean bill of health from the sexual health clinic, remind me to show you the letter later. Anyway what I'm trying to say that is I want to be your boyfriend, I mean if you want to be mine...' Sirius tailed off, uncertainty and a hint of insecurity painted across his features.

Hope bloomed in Remus' chest. Did Sirius really mean it? Remus looked at him and saw his grey eyes shining with earnestness and hope. 'I'd like that too, I really would.'

'Oh thank God,' Sirius exhaled and leant in again to kiss Remus, one hand cupping Remus' face and the other sliding beneath his t-shirt. Remus groaned at the feel of Sirius' hand against his skin, wanting more. He broke the kiss, stood up and grabbed Sirius' hands, walking backwards until he felt the backs of his legs hit the bed.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. 'Are you sure Moony?' Remus leant in to kiss Sirius. 'I want you,' he muttered against Sirius' lips. Sirius growled and reached for the hem of Remus' t-shirt, pulling it over his head in one fluid motion, and quickly divested himself of the leather jacket and long-sleeved t-shirt he was wearing. Sirius pulled Remus against him, and Remus moaned at the feel of Sirius' skin against his own as Sirius kissed him hungrily. Remus ran his hands over Sirius' lightly muscled body, thrilling at the feel of him, and carded one hand through Sirius' hair, tugging gently. Sirius moaned and gently pushed Remus down onto the bed. Remus propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Sirius peeled off his too-tight-to-be-legal skinny jeans. He swallowed heavily as his eyes dropped to the front of Sirius' boxers, where his erection strained to be free. Remus sat up and with trembling hands reached the popper of his jeans, but before he could undo it Sirius' hands batted his away. 'Let me do it Moony,' he murmured huskily.

Remus swallowed again and watched as Sirius removed his jeans, and chucked them over the back of his desk chair, before turning to Remus with a feral, hungry look on his face. He closed the gap between them in a single stride and took Remus' mouth hungrily. Remus pulled Sirius on top of him and they rolled their hips against each other, both moaning with undisguised need. Remus felt bereft when Sirius broke the kiss and looked towards the bedside cabinet. 'Which drawer Moony?'

'Top one,' Remus replied knowing what Sirius was asking. He reached out to grab Sirius' wrist as he leant over to open the drawer. 'Wait.'

Something in Remus' tone must have alerted Sirius because he turned back to Remus with a concerned look in eyes. Remus took a deep breath and looked up, focusing on the ceiling. It was now or never. 'I...ah...I've never done this before. With a guy I mean.' He felt the bed shift and his heart sank, Sirius was leaving. Instead he felt warm breath against his collar bone before Sirius placed a gentle kiss against it. Remus made a noise of surprise and Sirius raised his head to look at him, before kissing him tenderly. Remus opened his mouth but Sirius placed a finger against his lips. 'Hush Moony, don't think just feel.' With that he resumed placing kisses against Remus' collarbone, moving down to lathe and nip Remus' nipples. Remus moaned and felt his hips involuntarily arch up off the bed. Sirius resumed his journey and kissed his way down Remus' stomach. When he got to the waistband of Remus' underwear, Sirius eased them off and looked at Remus, eyes flashing, before taking him in his mouth. Remus' hips shot up off the bed and he muffled a curse before realising that Sirius was making a strangled noise. 'Shit, sorry Pads.'

'S'no problem Moony,' Sirius said around Remus' cock and Remus moaned again at the vibration that went through him. Remus felt a hand on his hips and looked down to see Sirius with his mouth full had placed a steadying hand on his hips to avoid being accidentally choked again. As Sirius worked his magic, Remus gave himself over to the sensations bombarding his body, and dimly registered Sirius' mouth being replaced by his hand as Sirius leant over to root in Remus' bedside table. Sirius' mouth quickly reappeared and Remus gasped as he felt the touch of Sirius' finger between his legs at his opening.

'Relax Moony.'

Remus nodded before remembering that Sirius couldn't see him and made a noise of assent instead. He felt a slick finger slide instead of him and was just getting used to the sensation of having something in _there_ when Sirius added another finger and crooked them, hitting the intended spot and making Remus see stars. Remus writhed under Sirius' ministrations and was soon begging Sirius, for what he didn't know, he just knew he never wanted this feeling to end. Sirius scissored his fingers, adding a third and then Remus heard the crinkling of a foil wrapper as Sirius opened the condom wrapper. _When had he removed his underwear_? Remus opened his eyes and watched as Sirius rolled the condom down his impressive length. Sirius moved back up Remus' body and slipped a hand behind his head, drawing him in for a heated kiss. Remus felt Sirius pull him down the bed slightly and then Sirius was urging him to lift his hips, and he felt a pillow being slipped under him as he did so. Sirius kissed Remus again and pulled away, his eyes searching Remus'.

'Are you sure you want to do this Moony?'

'Yes,' Remus replied breathless, heart beating wildly. He was terrified and exhilarated at the same time, adrenaline racing through his system. He slid one hand into Sirius' hair, tugging slightly and slipped the other hand around Sirius' waist to rest on his ass. Sirius braced one hand beside Remus' head and used the other to guide himself into Remus. 'Breathe Moony and relax, I'll be gentle I promise.'

Remus took a deep breath and exhaled as he felt Sirius push inside him gently. Remus gritted his teeth against the sting and Sirius stilled once he was all the way in. 'Ok Moony?' he asked, eyes searching Remus' face.

'Yes, just move. Please'

Sirius started to thrust gently and Remus tentatively rose his hips to match Sirius' rhythm. The burn began to lessen and instead heat began to pool in Remus' stomach. Sirius ducked his head to press a sloppy kiss to Remus' mouth and as their rhythm increased they were both panting.

'God...fuck...Sirius.'

Sirius huffed a chuckle. 'You feel pretty damn good yourself Moony. So damn tight.'

Sirius wrapped his hand around Remus' cock and began to stroke in time with his thrusts, and Remus felt the base of his spine start to tingle and knew he was going to come soon. He started to move his hips faster, urging Sirius to increase his pace. Sirius groaned and his hips began to hammer into Remus, and Remus babbled incoherently as Sirius relentlessly nudged his prostate. Remus' back bowed and he called Sirius' name as his climax ripped through him and he came, pearly white ropes coating his stomach. Sirius hammered his hips against Remus and came seconds later, Remus' name on his lips.

They collapsed in a sweaty heap, wrapped in each other's arms and out of breath. Remus turned his head, the only part of his body he felt he could move, to look at Sirius and felt awed at the look of peace on the other man's face. Sirius opened his eyes and caught Remus staring at him. His eyes softened and he nuzzled his head against Remus'. 'I'm sorry if I hurt you, I just couldn't hold myself back. Fuck Rem, you felt so good.'

Remus smiled shyly, not quite able to believe what had just happened.

There was a knock at the door. 'Remus, Sirius. James says dinner's ready. So get dressed and get your arses out here pronto.'

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and burst out laughing.

'You know I've got a spare dressing gown if you want to wear it, should be worth it to see James' eyebrows disappear into his hair.'

Sirius barked out a laugh. 'Oh yes please Moony. That would be the cherry on the top of the best birthday ever.'

Remus grinned. 'They're hanging on the back on the back of the door.'

Sirius got up and padded over to the door, apparently completely unconcerned with his nudity.

'Tartan, I like it Moony. Reminds me of the boarding school James and I went to in Scotland. There were four houses named after different clans, and our bedding had the clan's tartan on.' He chucked the second dressing gown to Remus and they both wrapped themselves up.

When they entered the kitchen Lily was the first to notice them, and when she saw they were both wearing dressing gowns she threw her head back and laughed. 'James you owe me a tenner. Told you they were shagging in there.'

James head whipped up and when he saw them he fell out of his chair, and lay groaning where he had fallen, vaguely muttering about his poor eyes.

Sirius snorted and sat at the table. 'Mate you've seen far more of me than this and in far more delicate situations.'

Lily raised her eyebrows. 'I don't even want to know.'

Sirius grinned at her. 'Let's just say you don't want to sit on the sofa at ours without first putting down a blanket.'

Lily just shook her head and took another swig of her wine. 'James, leave the dramatics to Sirius and get up, your food will go cold otherwise.'

James turned his head to look at her but his eyes widened dramatically, his mouth falling open comically. 'FUCKS SAKE PADS! Close your fucking legs, you're not wearing any fucking underwear and I just got a fucking eyeful. Oh my God I've been visually assaulted!'

'Language Prongs, there's a lady present,' admonished Sirius. He, Remus and Lily all looked down at James rubbing his eyes, before grinning at each other and clinking their glasses together.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a presentation, Lily is scary and Peter really doesn't want to sit on the sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for panic attacks and discussion thereof. Also brief mention of physical abuse and some discussion of social anxiety. The means by which Sirius helps Remus through his panic attack is what my fiancé does for me when I get them and it works for me. Remus' social anxiety is based on my own struggle with SA, even down to the fact that I (somehow) manage to be able to work in retail.
> 
> Also when I was at university (a while ago now), your marks in the first year of your undergraduate degree didn't count towards your final degree. I have no idea if this is still true but it serves a purpose for this fiction.

Sirius awoke from his nap to hear strange wheezing noises, as if someone was in distress. He rolled over to face his desk where Remus had been sat earlier, working on the presentation he was due to give in a couple of days. He was still sat there but his head was in his hands, his curls in wild disarray, and Sirius could see his shoulders rapidly rising and falling. Remus seemed to be struggling to breathe and it sounded like he was crying too. Sirius leapt up from the bed and quickly closed the distance between them. 'Moony what's wrong?' he exclaimed, placing a hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus shook his head and his gasps for air grew more laboured. _Shit_. Sirius recognised what this was; Remus was having a panic attack. Sirius placed his hands over Remus' and gently tugged them down away from his face. 'Moony look at me,' he ordered, tone brooking no argument. Remus raised his head and Sirius was dismayed to see Remus' face was bright red and stained with tears. 'I want you to breathe in for me Moony ok? Take a breath...that's right, and now hold it ok? Good good,' he soothed. 'Ok, now let it out...take another breath and hold it again, ok? That's it, nice and slow, now hold...hold...and now breathe out.' Sirius repeated the instructions, keeping his tone calm until Remus was breathing normally again, and then folded Remus into his arms, rubbing a hand soothingly over his back. They stayed like that for a short while, Sirius inhaling the unique scent that was Remus; tea, chocolate and peppermint.

'Ng shrry.'

Sirius pulled away slightly. 'Sorry Moony, what was that?'

'I'm sorry,' Remus repeated sounding embarrassed.

'Moony you have nothing to be sorry for. You can't help it, I'm just glad I was here with you. Although I'm sorry I was asleep when it started.' Sirius continued to hold Remus and was pleased to notice that his colour was starting to return to normal, although he was still shaking ever so slightly.

When Remus didn't say anything more Sirius sighed softly. 'You need to take a break from the work Moony, no don't argue with me,' he said when Remus opened his mouth. 'Look, I want you to get into bed. I'm going to bring you a cup of tea and there might even be a pack of your favourite biscuits in the cupboard. Provided Prongs hasn't eaten them of course. Or Lily now that the two of them seem to be permanently attached at the hip. The you're going to have a nap for a while.'

'Sirius I don't have time for breaks, I need to try and memorise this for Tues-' Sirius silenced Remus' protests with a kiss. He was constantly surprised by how stubborn the apparently mild Mr Lupin could be, especially when it came to his university work.

'How do you feel Moony? Truthfully?'

'Drained,' Remus admitted reluctantly.

'Get into bed then and I'll be back in a minute.' Sirius gently pushed Remus towards the bed and kissed him on the forehead, tamping down the familiar thrill that ran through his veins at his nearness to Remus. He felt as if he'd never be able to get enough of him. Shaking his head slightly in amusement at himself Sirius left his bedroom and made his way into the open plan living area, where he found James and Lily sat on the sofa together playing on the Xbox

'Hah! I totally killed you, suck it loser!' Lily crowed triumphantly. James was sputtering, arms raised in a _what the hell_ gesture.

Sirius strolled round to see what they game they were playing and lifted his eyebrows in surprise. 'Red, you do realise that you and James are on the same team right? You're supposed to be killing the insurgents, not each other.'

Lily's triumphant look slid off her face, replaced by a sheepish expression. 'Oops. Sorry James.'

James just shook his head despairingly but his eyes had a slightly glazed lustful look to them and Sirius felt his lips twitch in amusement. 'Looks like you've met your match mate.'

James grinned up at him. 'I'm amazed Lily didn't wake you up from your nap with all the yelling she's been doing. We could hear your snoring from out here, poor Remus I don't know he gets any work done with you around.'

Sirius flipped him off with his left hand as he opened the cupboard with his right to get Remus' mug out. 'It's not my napping technique I'm normally distracting him with.'

James pulled a face and Lily took his momentary distraction as an opportunity to shoot her way to glory. At the sound of rapid gunfire James turned back to the TV screen. 'What the actual fuck Evans?' he said in disbelief.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and made his way back down the hall with Remus' cup of tea. Entering his bedroom he found Remus sat in his bed as requested but with his laptop in front of him. Sirius hurriedly plonked the tea and chocolate biscuits down on the bedside table and swooped in to take the laptop away from him.

'Hey! I need tha-'

'No. What you need is a break.' Sirius saved Remus' work and shut the laptop down. He raised an eyebrow when he saw that was Remus was glaring at him. 'You look awfully sexy when you're mad Moons.'

Remus huffed irritably and Sirius laughed as he crawled on to the bed next to him. He cupped Remus' cheek and ducked his head to kiss him. When they finally broke apart, both slightly breathless, Sirius rested his forehead against Remus' and smiled contentedly. Settling in next to Remus he put his arm around him and drew him close against his side.

'Was that the first time you've had a panic attack?' Sirius asked quietly.

Remus paused in lifting his mug to his mouth and lowered it to his lap. 'No, I've had them a few times, usually when stuff gets too much and I just get overwhelmed by it.' He went quiet for a moment. 'The first time it happened I didn't even know what it was, I had no idea what was happening to me or why. I felt faint and like I wasn't present in my own body. Marlene took one look at me and sent me to the staff room to sit down. As soon as I did it just hit me, my heart was beating out of my chest, my whole body was shaking and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.'

'Jesus,' uttered Sirius. 'How long did it last for?'

Remus looked thoughtful. 'I'm not sure to be honest. It felt like forever but was probably about ten minutes. Which is long enough to be honest. Marlene was really worried after I came back out and told her what had happened; she sent me home.'

'I'm really sorry you had to go through it alone Moony.'

'Thanks Pads. I'm glad you were there this time, as embarrassing as it was to have you see me like that. Most people wouldn't have known what to do, but you did.' Remus looked at Sirius, his expression questioning.

'I read about them online. They came up when I was reading about social anxiety,' Sirius explained.

'Well I'm glad you did, you really helped Pads, thank you,' yawned Remus sleepily.

'Right nap time for you mister. I'm confiscating your laptop though,' Sirius said warningly.

Remus opened his mouth as if to argue but seemed to think better of it and just nodded. Sirius kissed him on the forehead, got up and grabbed Remus' laptop before switching off the light and shutting his bedroom door behind him.

Sirius made his way back out to the living room. 'Do either of you want a cup of tea?' he asked.

'You never make tea Pads. What do you want?' James asked suspiciously.

Sirius tutted. 'What makes you think I want anything Prongs, honestly how little faith you have in me. I'm saddened.' James just snorted. Sirius sighed. 'Look we have a problem,' he announced.

'Yeah Lily is absolutely trouncing me at this game and I'm beginning to doubt my masculinity,' said James darkly, throwing a look of suspicion at Lily. 'You said you'd never played this before.'

'I haven't I'm just naturally awesome,' Lily grinned. 'Besides, it's not my fault you suck.'

James opened his mouth to retort but Sirius interjected before the situation could escalate further. ' _Focus_ people!'

James arched an eyebrow at Sirius. 'Jesus, what crawled up your arse?'

'Remus-'

'Argh no! I don't want to hear about your sexcapades, especially as I have to keep hearing them through my bedroom wall. You two are so fucking loud,' complained James.

Sirius shoved James off of the sofa on to the floor and plonked himself down next to Lily. 'We have a problem with Remus,' he clarified. 'When I woke up from my nap, which was much needed after wearing myself out with all the sex I have been having with Moony, he was having a panic attack.'

James' look of mock anguish turned into a genuine one. 'Shit,' he muttered and Lily sighed heavily.

'It's that sodding presentation he's got to do on Tuesday, he's getting really stressed over it,' said Sirius darkly.

'He had a presentation he was supposed to do in our first year,' said Lily. 'But he got so worked up over it that in the end his tutor decided that he could submit a transcript of what he was going to say along with his powerpoint presentation instead because the department was so worried about him.'

'So that's why he didn't give a presentation,' said James. 'Moony just told me he'd been ill and so they let him off.'

'Well anxiety is an illness so he was telling the truth,' said Lily.

'Just not all of it,' finished Sirius. 'But couldn't he just do the same again?'

James shook his head. 'Our marks in the first year don't count towards our final degree, remember Pads? So last year it didn't matter but there's no way he'd be allowed to do the same this year.'

'Shit,' muttered Sirius and Lily nodded her head in agreement.

'Right, well what are we going to do then?' asked James.

'We need to get him more comfortable with speaking in front of people,' ventured Lily.

'He could do the presentation in front of us then,' suggested Sirius.

Lily sighed. 'He's too comfortable with us though, it's not going to take him outside of his comfort zone enough and that's what we need to do. Take him outside of it and show him that it won't end in disaster.'

Sirius huffed. 'Fine, what do you suggest then?'

'We need more people,' said James.

Lily nodded smiling. 'Exactly. Let's invite over a few people that Remus knows but isn't as well acquainted with as us.'

'Ok, so Wormy, Mary, Dorcas.' James listed friends names on his fingers.

'Should invite Marlene too then,' chucked in Sirius.

'That makes seven of us, I think that should do nicely,' said Lily.

'Right,' James called his hands together. 'Phones out people, let's get them all over here this evening. Bribe with food if necessary, Pads will pay.'

Sirius arched an eyebrow at James. 'Do you mind not spending my money for me Prongs?'

James waved him off. 'It's not like you can't afford it thanks to your Uncle Alphard's inheritance and besides we're doing this for _your_ boyfriend.' Sirius conceded the point and pulled his phone out to message Peter, asking him to come over with Mary and to bring some of his cakes along with him.

ooOOOoo

It was dark when Remus awoke from his nap, sitting up he saw that not only was he alone in Sirius' bed but he was alone in the room too. A glance at the bedside clock told him that it was a little after 6pm; he'd been asleep for three hours. Remus wasn't surprised by this, panic attacks always took it out of him and he usually retreated to bed as soon as possible after experiencing one. He was just thankful that Sirius had been there this time and had known what to do to calm him down, although he was majorly embarrassed that Sirius had been a witness to it.

Remus got out of bed and stretched, wincing slightly when he heard his bones click; he really should get some more exercise. He blushed then, wondering if sex could count as exercise because he and Sirius had been having _a lot_ of that over the past few weeks. They just couldn't get enough of each other and a seemingly innocent touch was enough to arouse both of them and before they knew it they were both naked; there had been one memorable occasion when Sirius had bent him over the kitchen table in his flat and made him come so hard he'd seen stars. Remus blushed again at the memory and decided to go and find Sirius so they could partake in another round of sexcercise.

As Remus walked out into the open plan living area of the apartment all thoughts of sex with Sirius left his mind when he a small group of people grouped around the coffee table, looking at what appeared to be takeaway menus. Sirius grinned happily when he looked up and saw Remus. 'Moony!' he exclaimed, jumping to his feet and bounding over before pulling Remus into his arms. 'I was just about to come and wake you up.' Sirius released Remus and dragged him over to where he'd been sat and pulled Remus down with him.

Looking around Remus saw that Dorcas, Marlene, Peter and Mary were now present in the apartment. Dorcas and Marlene looked up and said hi to Remus before they returned to squabbling over what they were going to order. 'But I don't like egg fried rice, it's not natural...'

Mary smiled shyly at Remus but Peter grinned at him. 'Good to see you again Remus. I've brought a chocolate cake for dessert, new recipe. Thought you might like to try it.'

Remus smiled. 'Sounds good Pete. Er, not to be rude but what are you guys doing here?' he asked gesturing to the newcomers. 'I didn't know you were coming over.'

Sirius draped his arm around Remus and leaned into the conversation. 'Impromptu decision Moony!' he said breezily, waving his hand around. 'Spur of the moment thing. Thought it would be nice for the gang to all hang out.'

Peter's cheeks had taken on a slightly pink tinge and Remus suspected that Sirius wasn't telling him the whole truth. 'Here Moony.' Sirius shoved a menu in Remus' hands. 'We're having Chinese if that's ok. There's a pen and pad floating around somewhere to write your order on. I think Red has it.'

Remus wanted to question Sirius more about why he'd invited their friends over, not that he minded hanging out with them all now he knew them a bit better, but he got the feeling he wasn't going to like the real reason they were there. However James distracted him with tales of how Lily had trounced him on the Xbox earlier, and Sirius started quarrelling with Dorcas so he didn't get a chance to get the truth out of Sirius.

By the time the food arrived forty minutes later Remus had forgotten his suspicion and was enjoying the company of friends new and old.

'How many are there of us again?' joked James when he saw the mountain of food that had been delivered. 'There's enough to feed my rugby team here.'

'Is that before or after the orgy?' teased Sirius, smirking.

'Fuck off Pads,' muttered James, darting a nervous look at Lily, whilst everyone else laughed. 'Some brother you are, I've a mind to replace you with Wormy.'

Peter shrugged happily, munching on the free prawn crackers. 'Your Mum's an awesome cook, I could get down with being an honorary Potter.'

Sirius snorted. 'You are anyway Wormy. Euphemia treats us all like sons, always has ever since we started school together.'

Marlene looked up with interest. 'I didn't know you guys went to school together?'

'Mmm yes, we were all sent away to this terribly posh boarding school in Scotland. Me, Prongs and Wormy ended up in the same dormitory together. There was another lad in with us-'

'-but he couldn't put up with us. Got transferred into another dorm only two weeks after term started,' said James laughing at the memory.

'What did you three do to him?' asked Lily looking aghast.

'Nothing!' James protested. Lily looked disbelievingly at him. 'I swear! Pads help me out here.'

'Honestly Red, we didn't do anything to him. He just couldn't put up with our pranks, he had no sense of humour and he always ratted us out to the teachers.' Sirius scowled at the memory.

'Snivellus we used to call him,' James offered. 'Snivellus Snape. Greasy little git he was, looked like he never washed his hair.'

Sirius suddenly barked out a laugh. 'Do you remember the time we swapped his shampoo with hair removal cream, just to see if he really did wash his hair or not.' He, James and Peter fell about laughing but Lily frowned at them. 'That wasn't a very nice thing to do.'

Peter shook his head. 'Trust me Lily he deserved it. He turned out to be a nasty piece of work, homophobic and bigoted. He used to bully the kids he tutored, loved lording his academic ability over others who weren't as smart.'

'Sounds like he deserved it if you ask me,' said Dorcas and Marlene nodded in agreement with her. 'Did his hair fall out then?'

James shook his head. 'Sadly no. That would've been a sight to behold. So yeah, we've been friends ever since, and Sirius is like a brother now that he lives with my family during the holidays.'

'You do?' asked Marlene, oblivious to the glare Dorcas was shooting her. 'Why?'

'Right, food people!' James shouted. 'Let's get it dished out people before it goes cold.' In all the confusion of handing out the food Marlene's question went unanswered but Remus didn't forget it. Sirius had never offered more to him about why he lived with James family other than having left when he was sixteen. Remus didn't want to push Sirius to talk about it but it hurt sometimes that Sirius wouldn't open up to him when Sirius knew all of his own failings. Hell he'd even witnessed Remus having a bloody panic attack earlier that day. Remus filed the thought away to examine at another time and concentrated instead on the food in front of him.

Once the food had been cleared away everyone turned to look expectantly at Sirius. He cleared his throat nervously and looked at Remus. 'So...ah...Moony, you may have realised that tonight's hangout wasn't quite the impromptu event I made it out to be.' Remus just raised an eyebrow at Sirius who was beginning to turn red. 'Well, we-that is to say James, Lily and I-'

'-hey it was your idea, don't drag us into it,' interrupted James.

Sirius sighed heavily. 'Fine. _I_ had the idea that maybe it would help if you had some practice with giving your presentation in front of us,' he gestured to their small group of friends.

Remus felt the bottom of his stomach drop out. 'Are you fucking serious?' he exclaimed loudly.

'No, we thought you were,' James laughed.

Remus groaned, feeling his cheeks heat up at the same time. 'Christ, I walked right into that one didn't I?'

'You've made your first accidental Sirius pun, you're truly one of us now,' piped up Peter. 'One of us, one of us,' James and Peter chanted in unison, grinning wildly, Sirius meanwhile just looked at Remus with an apprehensive expression.

'If you don't want to it's fine,' said Lily also looking at Remus anxiously.

Remus sighed looking around at his friends. He knew deep down that Sirius was right, practicing his presentation on them would help but the thought of doing it in front of his friends still made his heart beat faster and his breath come quicker.

'I have an idea,' said Mary quietly. Everyone turned to look at her and she blushed prettily, ducking her head. Remus felt a rush of sympathy towards her, he hated having that many pairs of eyes on him all at once. 'Go on sweetheart,' said Peter encouragingly, smiling at her.

'Um well rather than start with the presentation, Remus why don't you just sit facing us and we could take turns to ask you questions. Just general kind of stuff to get you used to talking with all of us looking at you. Then maybe you could do the presentation when you're feeling more comfortable?' she suggested. Remus thought about it, it was a good idea and he would agree to it, if only because he didn't want Mary to feel as if her idea was stupid. He felt Mary was probably the most likely to understand how he felt about talking in front of other people. Remus looked towards Sirius and nodded his affirmation.

Sirius leapt to his feet, clapping his hands and smiling widely. 'Great, ok people let's get organised, bums on seats. Someone get a chair for Remus.'

'I don't want to sit on the sofa, can't I sit in the armchair?'

'No Pete, not unless you want to fight Dorcas and Marlene for it.'

'But...'

'Pete just sit for God's sake.'

'I want a blanket to sit on. There might be stains.'

'Oh for the love of...'

ooOOOoo

'Your sofa seems to have quite the reputation,' Remus said to Sirius later when they were alone together, trying to sound casual and not as if his heart was beating a mile a minute in his chest. He knew he shouldn't pry into Sirius' sexual history, it was none of his business who Sirius had slept with before they started dating. He couldn't help, though, feeling irrationally jealous of every man Sirius had slept with. Sirius looked at him and Remus kept his face expressionless, as if he was merely commenting on the weather; unusually cold for this time of year but at least it's dry so we shouldn't complain.

Sirius sighed but he didn't sound annoyed or irritated just a bit _sad_ , thought Remus. 'It's more of an exaggerated joke really, fun to wind Pete up with when he comes over. He's a bit of prude when it comes to sex. Although that's not to say I haven't partaken in amorous activities on it.' Sirius fell silent again for a moment, and Remus didn't attempt to fill the gap, feeling that Sirius was collecting his thoughts.

'Look, you know that my family were crap growing up right?'

Remus nodded warily, not sure where Sirius was going with this.

'They never showed us, my brother Regulus and I, any kind of affection growing up. We were never held, never hugged, no bedtime kisses or lullabies sung to us. No tending to bruises or any other kind of wound, physical or not. We were brought into this world to continue the family line, marry girls from good families and produce the next generation of Blacks, not because our parents desired to have children. We had a nanny to tend to us, a terrifying German woman who would put you over her knee for the slightest misdemeanour. Our parents encouraged physical discipline you see, started doling it out themselves once Regulus and I were too old for a nanny.'

Remus felt his heart break into a million pieces for Sirius, this bright boy who had been so neglected and starved of love growing up.

'I started getting a lot of attention, from boys and girls, from when I was about sixteen but I never acted on it when I was at school. Regulus was two years below me, and my cousins also attended the same school. I knew by then I was gay and I didn't want my family finding out. I knew Reg would be bullied mercilessly if people found out I was gay.'

'Did anyone know at that point? About your sexuality?'

Sirius' lips quirked. 'Yeah James and Pete, they were the first ones I told. They just looked at me and said 'duh' then resumed with whatever prank they were planning at the time. I told James' parents not long after during the Christmas holidays and they treated me as if it was normal.'

 _Oh Sirius_ , thought Remus sadly. _It_ is _normal_.

'My parents were very bigoted and very homophobic. I grew up believing people like me were unnatural, my parents still thought homosexuality should be a criminal offence.' Sirius' lips twisted. 'Charming people my parents.' Sirius visibly shook himself. 'Anyway when I got to university, away from family members, I went a little crazy. Easily done when you've grown up without any love or affection and you're getting a lot of attention from other men. I thought they liked me, wanted to be with me, but those guys were only after an easy shag or worse were interested in my family's money. They obviously had no idea I'd been disinherited. So I'd always end up on my own again.'

Remus took Sirius' hands in his and brought them to his lips. 'Well,' he said, kissing Sirius' knuckles. 'I can promise you that I feel as if I will never get enough of shagging you and I don't give two figs about how much money you do or don't have. I want you for you.'

Sirius choked out a laugh, his eyes suspiciously shiny and leaned in to kiss Remus on the lips. 'Moony' he breathed against Remus' lips before deepening the kiss and Remus felt himself melt into Sirius' embrace.

Remus tugged at the hem of Sirius' Black Sabbath t-shirt and pulled away slightly to pull it over his head. 'You know when I left your bedroom earlier I was hoping to find you so we could do this.'

Sirius smirked. 'Oh really? And what does "this" entail exactly?'

'Well...' Remus pushed Sirius back against the bed and smirked as he pulled his own jumper and t-shirt over his head and cast them to the floor.

'Moony...' Sirius' eyes were slightly glazed as he reached for Remus and pulled him for a crushing kiss. One hand cupped Remus' head and the other palmed Remus' erection through his jeans. Remus moaned into Sirius' mouth and lowered himself to lay flat against Sirius, rolling his hips against him. Sirius groaned and rolled, flipping them so he straddled Remus' hips. Remus sat up and closed his kiss-swollen lips around the nipple with the silver bar through it, he lathed it with his tongue and Sirius groaned above him, rocking his hips against Remus. Sirius buried his hands in the curls at the back of Remus' head and tugged his head back gently so he could kiss Remus again, his tongue sliding into his mouth and tangling with Remus'.

Remus' hands scrabbled at the fly and button on Sirius' jeans, and Sirius broke the kiss to scrabble backwards and hastily pull his jeans off. His cock sprang free and Remus licked his lips in anticipation, but as he reached for it Sirius moved back slightly out of his reach.

'Ah ah Moony. Not until you've removed those jeans.'

Remus smirked and stood up, removing his jeans and underwear before sinking to his knees in front of Sirius. He wrapped his hand around the base of Sirius' cock and took his length in his mouth, swallowing him down. Sirius groaned low and long, his head falling back, dark hair streaming down his back. Remus hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down, tonguing the vein on the underside of Sirius' cock. Sirius swore under his breath and ran one hand through Remus' curls, curling his hand around the back of his head and holding his head in place as he thrust in and out of Remus' mouth. When Sirius' breathing started becoming erratic and his thrusts more uncontrolled Remus pulled away with a pop.

'Christ Moony.' Sirius pulled Remus to his feet and kissed him feverishly. 'That was so fucking good, I was scared I was going to come in your mouth.' He started walking Remus backwards towards the bed, one hand on his hips holding him close, one in his hair, and his mouth trailing bites across Remus' neck and shoulder that he was certain were going to leave bruises. Sirius lowered Remus to the bed and covered him with his own body, rutting against Remus before reaching for his cock, and swirling his thumb against the head, spreading the bead of moisture that had collected at the tip. Remus groaned and arched his hips off the bed as Sirius fisted his cock. 'Ah fuck, Sirius.'

When Sirius reached for the drawer in his bedside table Remus shot out his hand to grab at Sirius' wrist. 'Wait...can we- I mean- can we do it the other way around?'

Sirius' eyes widened.

'If that's ok, I mean we don't have to...' Remus trailed off uncertainly.

'No Moony it's fine.' A smile suddenly bloomed across Sirius' face. 'I want to. God, I really want to Moony. I want to feel you inside me.' He cupped Remus' head and pulled him in for a kiss, then gracefully rolled off Remus so he was lying stretched out next to him. He gestured to his naked form and grinned devilishly. 'I'm all yours Moony, do as you will with me.'

Suddenly feeling nervous Remus grabbed the lube and squirted some on his fingers, making sure they were slicked up. He spread Sirius' legs, knelt between them and lowered his mouth to Sirius' cock whilst slipping his fingers between Sirius' leg to find his opening. Remus cautiously slid one finger in, and hummed in satisfaction when Sirius groaned and bucked his hips. 'Oh fuck Moony, do that again, the vibration went straight through my cock.' Remus hummed again and Sirius writhed beneath him, slipping his hands into Remus' hair and tugging gently. Remus added a second finger and thrust them in and out, mimicking the act to follow. He crooked his fingers and brushed Sirius' prostate. 'Ah fuck, fuck, fuck...' Sirius trailed off babbling incoherently. Remus smiled around Sirius' cock and started scissoring his fingers, working Sirius open, all the while lathing Sirius' cock with his mouth, and occasionally scraping his teeth gently against the head. Remus added a third finger and when Sirius began pushing back against him Remus knew he was ready. He removed his fingers and pushed Sirius' knees up so his feet were planted firmly on the mattress, exposing his boyfriend to him. Sirius was half sobbing and his eyes were blown wide with lust, only a small ring of silver visible around his dilated pupils. Remus guided his cock towards Sirius' entrance and pushed in slowly, not wanting to hurt Sirius with his girth.

Remus hissed out a breath when he was all the way in, Sirius was so tight and hot. It was an indescribable feeling and felt so much better than having sex with his ex-girlfriend. He waited a moment to allow Sirius to adjust to his size before he began to move, thrusting in and out, slowly at first as he got used to the sensation of being inside Sirius.

'Oh fuck Moony, feels so good,' Sirius sobbed and his head fell back against the pillows. Spurred on by his lover's reaction Remus sped up, hips pounding relentlessly against Sirius, as the latter pumped his own cock in time. It didn't take long before Remus could feel the familiar tingling sensation at the base of his spine. 'Oh shit Sirius, I'm close.'

'Me too Moony, fuck, don't stop.' Remus batted Sirius' hand out of the way and grasped his cock to stroke him in time to his thrusts. It didn't take long for Sirius to come, hot ropes of liquid decorating his and Remus' torsos. The sensation of Sirius' muscles tightening around him brought on Remus' own climax and he swore as his orgasm hit him. They collapsed together in a tangle of limbs, bodies coated with a thin sheen of sweat, and lazily exchanged a sloppy kiss. Sirius pulled Remus against him and kissed his mop of curls. 'That was amazing Moony. You can definitely top from now on.'

Remus smiled against Sirius' chest and they fell asleep curled around each other.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deepest apologies for taking three months to update this fic, I have been struggling with this chapter so much. I almost decided to scrap it and just post the next chapter instead (which I have pretty much already written) but so much time went into this chapter I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not a massive fan of it but it will have to do.
> 
> Also 10 points to Gryffindor if you know the song that Sirius texts Remus the lyrics to.
> 
> I don't think there's anything in here that needs a trigger warning but if you spot anything please let me know in the comments.

_"Oh the weather outside is frightful_

_but the fire is so delightful_

_and since we've no place to go,_

_let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."_

Humming happily to himself Remus let himself into Sirius and James' apartment building, dusted off the snow that had settled on his shoulders and stomped his frozen feet on the floor to shake the snow from his poorly insulated shoes. He sighed and hoped that the snow would melt overnight or he might have an issue getting home for the Christmas holidays tomorrow; the merest dusting of snow sent the whole of Britain into shutdown and it wasn't unknown for people to resort to violence over the last tin of powdered milk after mass panic buying had decimated the shops of fresh milk. Remus hadn't seen any evidence of panic-buying induced violence when he'd been doing his Christmas shopping earlier but he thought maybe he just wasn't shopping in the right places. He hadn't meant to leave his Christmas shopping to the last minute but he had been so busy finishing off essays to hand before term ended, not to mention starting on revision and working in Flourish and Blotts that he hadn't had much choice.

After handing in his final essay for the semester that morning he had headed into Flourish and Blotts to buy James and Lily each a copy of the latest release by their respective favourite authors with his staff discount. Remus had picked up a few extra shifts to earn money to put towards Christmas presents, but with two extra people to buy for this year- James and Sirius- being able to use his discount was a big help. List in hand he had then made his way into town, avoiding the high street and its corporate chain stores in favour of Diagon Alley and its plethora of independent shops. The quirkily named cobbled street was lined with twinkling Christmas trees, and coloured lights strung between the buildings zig-zagging their way along the street. Each shop window was decked out for Christmas, and the little street was bustling with other shoppers hunting for the perfect Christmas gift. To top it all, it had just begun to snow, coating everything with a thin dusting of white. Remus smiled happily, thinking that Diagon Alley looked like a scene from a Christmas card, and pulled out his phone to snap a photograph for posterity.

Feeling festive Remus set out to explore the little shops lining the street. He shivered slightly inside his coat and pulled it tighter around him, the temperature was dropping rapidly and his hands were starting to go numb despite the woollen gloves he wore. A young couple spilled out of a doorway up ahead of him, arm in arm and laughing softly, and with them came the enticing smell of coffee, cinnamon and orange. Remus followed his nose and came to Madam Puddifoot's tearoom. Unable to resist the lure of a hot cup of tea and something sweet Remus entered the cosy tearoom, the bell over the door ringing as he did so, and was greeted with a welcome blast of warm air. A plump, grandmotherly looking woman greeted him and led him to a table by the window, which had steamed up, probably due to the number of people squeezed into such a small space Remus thought, after a quick glance round the cosy room.

He ordered a pot of tea and a slice of chocolate orange cake, and had a proper look at his surroundings. The tearoom was cramped but cosy, with lots of chintz and frills and bows everywhere. In addition a number of slightly garish Christmas decorations had been hung up, adding to the cramped feeling, and the salt and pepper shakers were shaped like kissing elves. Remus made a mental note to bring Sirius here at some point, no doubt he'd get a kick out of the place. Although he realised as he looked at the other customers, it seemed very much to be a place for couples, couples who were holding hands over the table or kissing...

Feeling uncomfortable sat on his own, Remus left the tearoom as soon as was politely possibly once he'd finished his tea and cake, and made his way back out into the cold. The snow was falling more heavily now and the crowd of shoppers was thinning. Remus headed to Scrivenshaft's stationers where he purchased wrapping paper and a notebook and pen set for his grandmother, and in Gladrag's he bought a pair of calfskin gloves for his mum and a scarf for his dad. In a small record shop tucked away in the corner, Remus found a vinyl Bowie record for Sirius that he knew his boyfriend did not have. To accompany it he had already bought Sirius a mini build-your-own motorbike kit as he had recently been going on non-stop about wanting to buy his own bike. Remus personally hoped it was just a phase as the thought of Sirius on a motorbike, although sexy was simultaneously terrifying and gave him visions of Sirius lying in a hospital bed in a full body cast.

His last stop was Honeyduke's Chocolatiers, where he purchased individual Christmas chocolates to accompany the gifts he had already bought. As he let himself back out into the cold, Remus checked his watch and reckoned he had enough time to walk home, pack his stuff and wrap his presents before he had to head over to Sirius and James' apartment.

He'd managed to get all his packing done but hadn't had time to wrap his presents, so shoes now free of snow, Remus headed up to the boys apartment in the lift and hoped he could get ten minutes peace to get his wrapping done. He let himself into their apartment and was immediately besieged by Sirius insisting that he try their Christmas cocktail.

'Can I at least take my coat off first, and besides isn't it a bit early to be drinking yet?'

'It's Christmas Moony,' said Sirius as if that explained everything.

'Ah of course it is, silly me.'

'Besides Moony,' called James from the kitchen where he was making the cocktails. 'It's five o'clock somewhere in the world.' Remus just rolled his eyes, something which he had found he did with far more frequency since he had started dating Sirius, and started to unwind his scarf from around his neck. He stopped dead though when he saw the monstrosity that was sat in front of the French doors to the balcony. 'What the ever loving fuck is that?' he asked incredulously.

'That's what I said too,' said Lily, who had just appeared next to Remus, cocktail in hand and wearing a Christmas jumper that said Nice Baubles. 'James got it for me,' she said rolling her eyes when she noticed Remus looking.

Remus just nodded, unsurprised by James' choice of tacky Christmas jumper. James himself was wearing a jumper with Rudolph's face, complete with flashing red nose, on it and a pair of novelty antlers sat atop his head. And Sirius...Sirius was wearing a glare that was directed at Remus.

'How dare you Moony, this is our Christmas tree.' Remus had somehow forgotten the sorry excuse for the Christmas tree, distracted as he was by his friends' terrible taste in Christmas jumpers. He looked over to where Sirius was stood protectively by the artificial tree which was scraggly, almost bald and appeared to be missing some branches. Non even the limp strands of tinsel draped around it could distract from its dismal appearance. 'It looks like you found it on the street.' As if to punctuate his statement one of the branches came off and hit the top of the coffee table with a dull thud.

'We did,' said James smiling proudly. 'It's our first ever Christmas tree. Someone was chucking it out! Can you believe it? We tried to buy a real one for our halls last year but the manager said it was a spider infested fire hazard.'

'Just because we had that one incident with the toaster,' offered Sirius.

'And the hot plate.'

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. 'It's a wonder your parents allowed you two to live here together unsupervised.'

Sirius grinned. 'Effie insisted on giving James cooking lessons during the summer holidays so we've been virtually accident free this year.'

'So long as you don't attempt to do any cooking,' James said pointedly to Sirius. 'God help the two of you if you ever decide to shack up together. Can't cook, won't cook.'

'Fuck off Prongs,' said Sirius airily.

Remus flipped James off and resumed removing his scarf and coat, placing his bags on the floor.

'Oooh what's in there Moony?' asked Sirius, tree forgotten and eyes bright with curiosity and Christmas spirit, which Remus suspected was more of the liquid variety.

'Presents, which you can open later on after dinner,' said Remus sternly.

'Moooony,' Sirius pouted unhappily and looked at Remus with big puppy dog eyes.

'Not going to work Pads,' Remus laughed.

'Moony you're no fun,' Sirius whined unhappily.

'It's a couple of hours Pads, I'm sure you can wait that long to open your presents,' Remus chastised.

James snorted. 'I wouldn't count on it,' he muttered and Sirius glared at him.

'Anyway I haven't even wrapped them yet, so I'm going to go and do that now.' He picked up his bags and walked down the hallway to Sirius' bedroom, trailed closely by Sirius. Remus placed his bags on the desk and was suddenly aware of Sirius stood behind him, his breath hot on his neck. A tremor ran through him as Sirius ran his tongue over the shell of his ear, and trailed kisses down his neck. Remus' breath hitched and he shifted restlessly as his jeans grew uncomfortably tight. 'Come on Moony,' Sirius whispered huskily. 'Let me have one present now and I'll suck your-'

'Sirius!' James barked from the doorway. 'Leave the poor man alone, come and help me in the kitchen like you promised me you would this morning. There are potatoes to be peeled and sprouts to be...whatever it is you do to sprouts.'

Sirius turned around and smirked at James. 'Don't be so mean, we're all going home for Christmas tomorrow and I won't see him for weeks and weeks and weeks. I need a good send off.'

Remus moved out from behind Sirius and stood facing him, hands on hips. 'A- You were trying to seduce me into letting you have a Christmas present now. And B- I will only be gone for three weeks, as will you.'

Sirius scowled. 'It's still too long without you.'

James audibly sighed from the doorway. 'There's this thing you may have heard of Pads, called Face Time. You can video chat every day to your heart's content, but just make sure you lock the bedroom door if you decide to wank together when you're on it. That's a sight I can do without walking in on.'

Horrified Remus blushed bright red and turned away to busy himself with getting out his wrapping paper. 'You've embarrassed him James, you massive twat. Don't run away from me...Lily grab him!' Sirius' voice receded as he ran down the hall after James, and Remus sighed in relief. He trusted that James and Lily would keep Sirius occupied whilst he wrapped their Christmas presents. Just to be sure he decided to wrap Sirius' first. He had also bought Christmas cards to accompany the presents, and when he got to Sirius' he hesitated over how to sign it. Did he put Love Remus or simply Remus? Neither of them had said 'I love you' yet as it was still relatively early in the relationship, they had only been together for two months, and Remus knew that while he cared deeply for Sirius he wasn't there yet. In the end he decided to go with Yours, Remus, figuring it demonstrated his feelings without being too affectionate.

Presents wrapped and cards written Remus rejoined the others to find that Sirius had been demoted to washing-up duty whilst Lily had been promoted to Sous Chef. He snagged a tea towel and started to dry the dishes Sirius had washed up. Remus watched Sirius as he washed, his inky black hair was pulled back into a bun emphasising the contours of his beautiful face; his grey eyes which could be so mercurial were in that moment a calm silver which made Remus think of being enveloped in soft blankets. His eyes travelled down Sirius' body to his forearms and their gentle bulge of muscle and sinew, his hands were hidden in the washing up bowl but Remus thought of them roaming across his body, and he suddenly wished that James and Lily weren't in the flat with them. He looked back up to find Sirius watching him, an amused expression on his face. Remus blushed, knowing he'd been caught starting but Sirius just waggled his eyebrows and mouthed later at him. Remus smiled and resumed drying the dishes, listening to James and Lily bicker about the correct way to make gravy.

Dinner was not the unmitigated disaster that Remus had quietly feared it would be. Lily had managed to persuade James and Sirius that they did not need to buy a whole turkey for their pre-Christmas Christmas dinner, and that a turkey crown would suffice just fine. The sprouts may have been rock hard but the Yorkshire puddings had risen and the turkey was cooked all the way though so Remus was fairly confident that none of them would contract food poisoning.

Before they had sat down to dinner Sirius had presented him with a Christmas jumper of his own, bearing the words _All I want for Christmas is you_ , with an arrow pointing to his right. 'I assume this refers to the customary tub of Quality Street that I know is at home with my name on it,' said Remus dryly and Sirius smacked him in the arm. Sirius himself was wearing a jumper bearing the same wording as Remus', but with an arrow pointing to the left. Remus accused him of being a soft git under all the leather but secretly felt quite pleased.

The jumper was not Sirius' only gift to Remus, he had also bought him a first edition copy of _Alice in Wonderland_ , his favourite book. 'Pads, this is...this must have...' Remus felt overwhelmed at the gift, he knew it must have cost a lot and suddenly the gifts he had bought Sirius seemed lacklustre.

Sirius waved him off. 'Don't worry about it Moony, I found it in a charity shop. It wasn't cheap but it didn't cost anywhere near as much as it should have done.'

Remus raised an eyebrow sardonically but Sirius wouldn't meet his gaze, examining his nails instead. Remus very much doubted the veracity of his statement, Sirius hated charity shops, refusing to go into any of them with Remus whenever they ventured into town together, claiming that he hated the musty old smell that seemed to be ubiquitous in charity shops. He tried not to think about how much the book must have cost and instead thanked his boyfriend, kissing him on the cheek.

Sirius had loved the build-your-own motorbike kit. 'This is awesome! It'll be practice for when I buy my own and it needs work doing. Thanks Moony.' Remus and Lily had looked at each other and exchanged eye rolls.

James and Lily both loved the books Remus had given them and they gave Remus a joint gift; a tea chest full of his favourite flavoured teas and a big bar of Honeyduke's finest chocolate. He smiled happily and thanked them, knowing the tea and chocolate would come in handy when he was at home revising for his exams.

Sirius had bought a gift experience for James and Lily- a weekend away at a boutique hotel. As they cooed over the gift Sirius had waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Remus. 'We'll have the flat to ourselves for a whole weekend Moony. Just think of the all the shagging we can do.'

James had looked up and fixed Sirius with a pointed stare. 'Just not on any surfaces where we prepare or eat food Pads. And for the love of God, not on my bed.' Sirius feigned an expression of outraged hurt and Remus' lips twitched in amusement.

James had bought Sirius a motorbike helmet, and pretended not to notice the glares Remus was giving him. Lily had opted for a less controversial gift and had bought Sirius a ticket for a forthcoming exhibition at the National Gallery in London. 'Oooh I can ride my motorbike wearing my new helmet up to London,' Sirius said happily. 'Cheers Red.'

Lily was just as pleased with the present she received from James. He had bought her a pair of shoes that Remus had tipped him off about. James had been agonising about what to buy Lily, 'The only women I've ever bought presents for are my Mum and my Gran. What do you buy woman who aren't old?' Remus had taken pity on James, who had been growing increasingly despondent the closer it crept to Christmas, and showed him a pair of shoes that Lily had spotted online a few weeks before and fallen in love with but couldn't afford. 'I love them Rem but I'd have to sell a kidney to afford them.' Personally Remus couldn't see what the fuss was about nor why they justified a seventy pound price tag but nonetheless he suggested to James that he might like to buy them for Lily. James watched nervously as Lily opened the box but at the expression of delight that stole across her face he slumped in relief and took a swig of his cocktail.

It was James' turn to be speechless when he unwrapped his gift from Lily. She bit her lip nervously. 'Do you like it?'

James tore his eyes away from the framed print he held and grinned at Lily. 'It's amazing! Where did you get it?'

Lily laughed in relief. 'I found it on Etsy and when I saw it I just had to buy it for you.' James leaned over and kissed Lily on the lips, still grinning. 'I have a feeling Pads may try and fight me for it.'

'What is it, what is it?' Sirius clamoured, trying to climb into James' lap to get a look at the gift Lily had given James.

'For God's sake Pads.' James rolled his eyes in exasperation and shoved Sirius onto the floor. Remus snorted with laughter and held his hands up in supplication when Sirius turned and glared at him. 'We've talked about boundaries and personal space Pads, but you never listen.'

Sirius just sniffed and tossed his hair over his shoulder, turning back to face James. 'Come on then Prongs, give us a glimpse. It's not a nude picture of Lily is it?'

Lily flipped Sirius the finger, which he ignored, too busy taking in the print that James held out for him and Remus to see. 'I...this is...this is amazing Red.' The print showed a wolf, a stag, a large dog and a rat running through a forest together.

Lily smiled. 'It immediately made me think of you guys and your ridiculous nicknames. Remus is obviously the wolf, Sirius you're the dog, James is the stag and poor Pete is the rat.'

A squabble then broke out between James and Sirius about where the print was going to hang, Sirius wanted it to hang in the living area but James wanted it in his bedroom. Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, he could feel a headache brewing as the alcohol wore off. Standing up he said, 'Sirius I'm going to bed. Are you coming?'

Sirius broke off mid-argument with James. Heat instantly flared in his eyes and he smirked at Remus. 'Hang it wherever you want Prongs, it's time for my farewell fuck.'

James groaned but Sirius didn't hear him, too intent on following Remus to bed.

ooOOOoo

Much later Remus and Sirius lay cuddled together in Sirius' bed and Remus was just drifting off to the feeling of Sirius gently trailing his fingers up and down his naked back, when Sirius spoke softly. 'I'm going to miss you, you know.'

'I'm going to miss you too Pads.'

'Really?' Remus could hear the uncertainty and vulnerability in Sirius' voice and he shifted himself so he was propped up on one elbow looking at Sirius. 'Of course I am you daft bugger, three weeks in Dorset without anyone to bring me a constant supply of tea and chocolate, I don't know how I'll survive it.'

'I may have to stage a rescue then.' Laughter rumbled through Sirius' chest as Remus leant into kiss him.

'I should bloody hope so, I don't think I could last three weeks without the high level of sex that I have become accustomed to.'

'Well in that case Moony I had better give you a proper send off...'

In truth Remus had thought that three weeks back home in Dorset would be a doddle, he could revise in peace, taking bracing walks along the cliff tops when he needed a break and some fresh air, and he could enjoy the comforts of his mum's cooking. However he had not counted on the bombardment of increasingly dirty texts from Sirius or his mother's interrogation about said dirty text sender.

The texts had started before he'd even gotten on the coach to travel home. He'd just bought himself a cup of takeaway tea after standing in line for twenty bloody minutes, slowly loosing the feeling in his feet and generally feeling very grumpy because he was cold and the coach station was rammed with other people travelling home for Christmas and he kept getting jostled by careless individuals to intent on finding their coach to pay attention to where they were going. One old woman had even run over his foot with her wheelie suitcase and had glared at him as if it was his fault. Just when he had felt his temper start to get the better of him a text had come through on his phone.

**I want to lick you up and down until you say stop**

Remus snorted with laughter, oblivious to the man standing near him who eyed him oddly and shuffled away slightly. A second text shortly followed and Remus again laughed; only Sirius would sext him with cheesy lyrics.

**Let me play with your body baby, make you real hot**

Remus cast his mind around for the next line of the song. He sent a text back to Sirius with a minor alteration to the lyrics, and felt himself redden as he did so; he'd never sent a sext to anyone before.

_I'll let you do all the things you want to do to me_

**Goddammit Moony, I'm all hard and aching for you and you're on your way home to the middle of fucking nowhere for the next 3 fucking weeks. What am I supposed to do without you?**

_Firstly Dorset is not the middle of nowhere, it's right next to Devon, where you and James are headed today you massive prat. Secondly I suggest you better acquaint yourself with your right hand, you were the one that started this after all._

Another text pinged and Remus opened it, expecting it to be from Sirius but was surprised to see it was from James.

Remus you wanker stop winding Sirius up, you don't have to sit with him in a car for two and a half fucking hours.

Remus snorted again, he didn't envy James the trip home with a frustrated and grumpy Sirius. In spite of his alleged frustration Sirius continued to send Remus increasingly dirty messages throughout the holidays, describing in detail what he was going to do to Remus when they were reunited. It was when he was reading the latest message, involving Remus on all fours and Sirius' tongue that Hope Lupin took her opportunity to interrogate Remus about his new boyfriend.

'So who is he then?'

'Erhm...what?'

'Your new boyfriend, I assume he's the reason for why you're looking so flushed?' Hope gestured with her head towards the phone that Remus held in his hand. He coughed embarrassedly. 'Er, it's not, well I mean yes but...' Remus tailed off pitifully much to Hope's amusement.

'So there is someone but it's just a casual hook-up?'

'Mum!'

'What?' Hope asked, the picture of innocence. 'That is what you young people are calling it these days isn't it?'

'Oh my God, this conversation is not happening. I must still be asleep.' Remus pinched himself, cursing at the pain. 'Nope. Shit.'

Hope threw her head back and laughed. 'Oh Rem love, you're too easy to wind-up.'

Remus took a deep breath, wishing the ground would swallow him up, and exhaled slowly. 'It's not a...a hook-up. We're dating, he's my boyfriend.'

'And?'

'And what?' Remus asked dumbly. Hope huffed in frustration.

'Does he have a name?'

'Oh. Yeah he does. It's Sirius, like the star.'

Hope smiled, her eyes softening. 'It's a match made in the heavens. Remus and Sirius, the wolf and the dog star.'

Remus groaned theatrically, feeling his face heat up. He tried to make his excuses to leave the room to do some revision but Hope was having none of it, insisting that Remus help her with some of the Christmas baking, and continued to question Remus about Sirius until she knew almost everything there was to know about his boyfriend. When Remus finally managed to escape he immediately rang Sirius.

'What's up Moon Dog?'

'Moon dog?' asked Remus incredulously. 'Actually, do you know what, I don't even want to know.'

'What's wrong Moony my love, you sound stressed.' There was laughter in Sirius' voice as he asked and Remus made a mental note to exact revenge once they were together again. How he didn't know, but he was sure he could enlist James' help.

'What's wrong is that my mother has just been interrogating me about you for the past two hours, she now knows your shoe size, toothpaste preference and the names of your childhood pets.'

'I never actually had pets as a child but I don't see what you're complaining about,' said Sirius. 'I told Euphemia and Fleamont all about you, although in the end they were insisting that I be quiet. Apparently there are some things best left to the imagination, and that includes your favourite position in bed.'

Remus groaned. 'You are incorrigible, you know that don't you?

'Only pulling your leg Moony,' said Sirius happily. 'Although I did tell them about you and apparently they're dying to meet you, and Lily too. James has invited Lily to spend New Year's Eve down here with us, and Effie and Monty have asked me to invite you as well. They've said we can have fireworks, so long as I shut Fang in my bedroom with the TV on, and there'll be loads of booze. We can go for a lovely, bracing walk on New Year's Day and have a pub lunch to cure our hangovers. And you can meet Fang of course.'

'Sirius, stop stop.'

'Sorry Moony, I'd just really like you to come. I miss you.'

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. 'I know you do, I miss you too. It's just it's a big thing, meeting the parents, you know?'

'Weeeeeell technically they're not my parents, they're my legal guardians. Although I suppose they're not even that anymore as I'm an adult now. Anyway they're really cool, trust me if it were my actual parents I'd be advising you to run in the opposite direction as fast as you can.'

Remus sighed. He knew that if he didn't say yes now Sirius would just keep on bothering him about it until he gave in, so he may as well save himself several days of earache.

'Ok fine, I'll come.'

'Yes! James and I will come and pick you up on the 30th, we can have a bit more time together then. Just text me your address and we'll bang it in the sat nav.'

ooOOOoo

The morning of the 30th of December found Remus anxiously pacing up and down in front of the living room window, occasionally stopping to pull the net curtain back and peer outside.

'What time did they say they'd be here?' Hope asked Remus from where she had appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

'Twelve o'clock.'

Hope checked her watch. 'It's only half past ten love.'

'Yes but what if they're early? Sirius was texting me at six o'clock this morning.' Remus pulled his phone out to see if he'd had any new messages from Sirius since he'd received the last one saying they'd be there at twelve.

Hope shook her head in amusement. 'You're going to wear a hole in the carpet if you keep that up. Why don't you go outside and help your Dad chop up some wood for the fire? It'll do you good to burn off some of that restless energy.'

Remus wrapped up warm in his coat, scarf and hat although he knew he'd soon get too hot in it, and headed to the small lean to outside where his parents stored the wood for the cottage's many fireplaces.

Lyall Lupin stopped what he was doing when he saw Remus exit the back door. 'Alright son?' Remus nodded. 'Mum's sent me out to help you, she says I'm wearing a hole in her carpet.'

Lyall threw his head back and laughed. 'Well let's just hope you can concentrate on splitting the wood. I'd rather not make a trip to casualty today and I'd imagine Sirius would prefer for you to have all your body parts intact.'

'Dad,' Remus groaned.

'Don't worry son, I won't embarrass you when he's here. I'm looking forward to meeting him, and your friend James too.' Lyall had noticed a change in his son since he'd returned from university for the Christmas Holidays, he had more confidence and spent more time with him and Hope rather than shutting himself away in his bedroom with only his books for company. Lyall suspected it was the influence of his son's new boyfriend, and he was looking forward to meeting the man who had brought about this change in Remus.

The two men worked companionably together, and had amassed a large pile of firewood by the time that Lyall heard a car driving along the lane to their cottage. He signalled to Remus to stop and nodded to the front of the cottage. 'I think your friends are here son.'

Coat and scarf forgotten Remus headed around the side of the cottage, feeling butterflies swarm in his stomach. He was looking forward to seeing Sirius and James but he was unsure what they would make of his parent's little cottage. After all they both came from wealthy families with large houses. Rounding the side of the cottage he saw a small blue Honda with its doors thrown open, and James and Sirius stood looking at the front of the cottage.

'Come on Evans, we haven't got all bloody day.'

Remus' head swivelled to see Lily stood taking a photo of the front of the cottage. He smiled happily, he'd had no idea Lily would be accompanying Sirius and James.

'Oh piss off Sirius, just because your Instragram is full of selfies and pictures of Remus asleep.' She looked up from her phone and noticed Remus watching them. 'Rem!' she flew over and enveloped him in a hug. 'Oh I'm so glad to see you, I've had to put up with these two idiots for the past two hours.'

Remus returned the hug and smiled happily. He had had no idea that Lily would be accompanying Sirius and James, and told her so.

'The train would have been murder if I'd travelled down today so I caught the train yesterday and surprised James. I'd been sat in the kitchen an hour having tea with Sirius and Mrs Potter by the time he dragged himself out of bed.'

'Plenty of time for Effie to tell Lily all kinds of embarrassing stories about Jimmy boy here.' Sirius waggled his eyebrows at Remus and pulled him into a hug. 'Hey Moony.'

'Hey yourself.' Remus tipped his head up to kiss Sirius on the lips and ran his hand through Sirius' hair, tugging on the ends slightly. They pulled apart at the sound of James clearing his throat loudly and pointedly. Remus blushed and ducked his head, burying it into Sirius' shoulder. He felt the vibration of laughter in Sirius' chest and pulled away slightly to look up at Sirius.

'Your Mum's waving out the window at us, I think she wants us to go in.' Remus turned around and sure enough there was Hope stood at the window. She opened it and leant out slightly. 'Hello loves, have you got time to come in for a cup of tea before you have to head back?'

Remus opened his mouth to say no, that they had to get going but he was cut off by Sirius. 'I'd love to Mrs Lupin. I'm Sirius by the way, it's lovely to meet you. I must say I didn't expect you to look so young, you must have Remus when you were a child.' He'd moved as he was talking so he was stood outside the window and Hope giggled and swatted at his arm. 'Come in then and Remus can introduce me properly to you all.' She closed the window and Sirius turned back to Remus grinning.

'Please don't flirt with my Mother Pads,' Remus groaned.

'It's the patented Sirius Black technique,' said James smirking. 'Makes them see past the long hair, tattoos and biker boots. Parents just love him.'

'Yours do Prongs, I reckon they love me more than they love you.'

'Can't say I blame them,' interjected Lily. 'Especially not after the frog incident of '14.'

James looked aghast. 'Mum told you about that?' Lily nodded and giggled. 'Oh God I'm going to kill her, she promised she wouldn't tell you about that.'

Remus looked to Sirius questioningly, but Sirius shook his head. 'I'll tell you inside, I have a feeling your parents will love to hear the story.' James glared daggers at Sirius but Sirius ignored him and followed Remus inside the cottage. Remus hoped there was some whisky somewhere in the kitchen because he had a feeling he was going to need it after sitting down to tea with his parents and Sirius, not to mention James and his frog related behaviour. Remus just hoped he could count on Lily to be the only sane and rational person, asides from him, in the room. All hope of that went out the window however when Lily introduced herself to his Mother and promptly started telling her about Remus blushing and sighing over the dark haired rock God he had met at work. Remus groaned and started mentally calculating how long it would take to dig a mass grave in the garden.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's exam time and Remus and Sirius hit a bump in their relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking soooo long to update. I'd had this chapter pretty much written but then life stuff happened, and when I came back to it I wasn't happy with it so I re-wrote and added more stuff in.
> 
> TW for mentions of self harm (cutting), anxiety, homophobia, physical abuse, vomit. If you spot anything I've missed please let me know and I'll add it to the list.
> 
> As the Blacks were a respected (depending on who you asked!) pureblood family in canon, I decided to make Sirius' family members of the nobility and make Orion Black the Earl of Grimmauld (commonly referred to as a Lord). As his wife Walburga would be a Countess (commonly referred to as a Lady), Sirius as the first born son and heir apparent has the courtesy title of Lord but is not a peer, and Regulus as the younger son is The Honourable Regulus Black (at least according to Google anyway).

New Years at the Potters was everything Sirius had promised Remus that it would be. He was fawned over by Mrs Potter, who'd insisted that he and Lily called her Effy, claiming Mrs Potter made her feel old, and she and her husband were so warm and welcoming that Remus immediately felt at ease with both of them. He was introduced to Fang who bowled him over with his enthusiasm and proceeded to lick him all over his face, trailing slobber everywhere. When Remus finally managed to extricate himself he looked at Sirius wryly and said, 'Just like his owner.'

New Years Eve was an unforgettable night, mainly due to James setting fire to the garden shed with a misdirected firework. Remus and Lily tackled the blaze with the garden hose whilst James anxiously paced up and down the garden, wildly clutching at his hair and moaning that Hagrid was going to kill him when he returned to work to find his shed reduced to ashes. Sirius was no help at all, claiming that he was "overseeing" the extinguishing of the blaze, and kept making quips about men with long hoses.

On the last day of Remus' stay at the Potter's whilst he and James were making tea in the kitchen and watching Sirius and Lily through the kitchen window having a snowball fight in the garden, James inadvertently dropped a bombshell.

James watched Lily shove a handful of snow down the back of Sirius' top and huffed a chuckle at the shrill scream his best friend let out. 'Thanks for coming mate, it's really cheered Sirius up having you here.' Sirius tackled Lily into the snow and rubbed a handful of snow in her face, grinning madly until Lily reached up and twisted his ear.

'Was he not happy before? He's seemed fine to me.'

'Well he won't admit to it but his Dad dying really knocked him for six. As much as he hates his parents, they are still his family.' When no reply was forthcoming James glanced at Remus to see a shocked expression on his face, eyes filled with hurt as he watched Sirius bent double with laughter. James mentally groaned, _shit_ , he'd totally put his foot in it.

'Bollocks, he hasn't told you has he. Sorry mate. For what it's worth though Sirius is intensely private about his family, trying to get him to talk about them is like getting blood from a stone.'

'How long?' Remus' voice was quiet, barely above a whisper and his face was expressionless, giving nothing away.

'He found out the day after we'd arrived home, a letter came in the post from the family lawyer summoning him to a reading of Orion's will. He'd had a heart attack, keeled over during a family dinner.' James didn't mention the obituary that had appeared in the Sunday Times the day before Sirius had received the letter, the obituary that his parents had kept hidden from Sirius because it made no mention of him.

'Did...did he go?'

James nodded warily, before realising Remus couldn't see because he was still looking straight ahead out of the window. Lily and Sirius were pelting each other with snowballs, missing more often than not because they were laughing too hard to throw straight. 'Last week. In London. I don't know what the will said, he wouldn't tell me so I can't imagine it was anything good. The funeral had already been held before Sirius received the letter.' He looked at Remus who was biting his lip and slowly nodding his head. James scrubbed a hand through his hair feeling anxious and tense. 'Look Re, please don't say anything to him.'

Remus turned towards James, a slight frown on his face.

James sighed. 'Sirius is really volatile when it comes to his family. I'm not happy that he hasn't told you but if you mention it to him it may end up doing more harm than good. It's better to wait for him to open up to you.' James glanced out the window to see Lily and Sirius walking up the garden towards the back door, snowball fight now over. 'Please Re, promise me.'

'I won't say anything.' Remus, face still carefully blank, left the room with his cup of tea just as Lily and Sirius spilled in through the back door, out of breath and giggling. James smiled at them and asked if they wanted tea but his mind was on Remus, not reassured by his friends promise not to say anything to Sirius. James had a sinking feeling in his stomach that trouble lay ahead.

ooOOOoo

When Remus returned to university once the Christmas holidays had ended there was only one thing on his mind- exams. He had started on revision even before the Christmas holidays had begun, something which Sirius had failed to comprehend.

'Moony put that book down and pay me some attention.'

'Pads I'm trying to revise.'

'But it's Christmas Moony, term's basically over!'

'Yes and I've still got an essay to finish and exams that start one week after we come back from the holidays.'

'Eurrrrghhh.'

Not long into their relationship Remus had discovered that Sirius, very much like James, was one of those annoying people who didn't have to study to achieve good marks, and whilst neither of them ever rubbed the fact in, seeing the two of them lark around whilst he was poring over textbooks and lecture notes left him with a slightly bitter taste in his mouth. He had been determined to do as much revision as possible whilst he was at home during the Christmas break, away from the distracting presence of his boyfriend and his constant need for attention, and had taken a second suitcase on the coach with him, filled with textbooks from the library. Sirius and James had, rather predictably, mocked him for it but he had explained to them it was better to have them and read them now rather than wait until after Christmas when everyone on his course would be scrabbling for the same books and as soon as he'd borrowed one, a hold would be placed on it the next day. The library was slowly making its way into the new digital age, and an increasing number of books were available as e-books but progress was slow, so Remus felt rather smug as he sat at his kitchen table listening to Sirius bitch because all the books he wanted were out on loan.

'For fuck's sake, this is fucking ridiculous. Every single god damned book is out on loan, look even this one which the library has five copies of! Not one available.'

'I told you before Christmas...'

'Eurgh you're so infuriating when you're smug. You remind me of those swotty prefects we used to have at boarding school,' Sirius complained. 'Never a moment's peace. "Don't do this Sirius, don't do that Sirius. The banister isn't for sliding down and making a grand entrance on Sirius." Swotty. Little. Gits.'

Remus arched an eyebrow at Sirius, who in return groaned loudly and flopped back dramatically onto the sofa. Remus returned to his notes but not before noticing Sirius reach for his phone, rather than for his revision notes on the coffee table next to him. A hot spear of resentment went through Remus at the thought that Sirius would pass all his exams with distinction having put in minimal effort, while he had to work incredibly hard to achieve the same kind of marks. For all his smugness about his early start on revision, Remus didn't feel anywhere near prepared and the stress was threatening to overwhelm him on a daily basis. He felt very close to the edge and his anxiety was spiralling out of control; the medication he took helped to a certain point but he'd had more than one panic attack since the new term started and he constantly felt exhausted, fluctuating between sleeping very little or oversleeping, he was irritable and snappy with his friends, and he often felt on the edge of tears.

On the eve of his first exam the pressure had gotten to be too much and Remus knew he needed some kind of release or he was going to explode, which was how he came to have a neat line of parallel cuts on his right thigh. He couldn't help it, watching the blood well up and run down the side of his leg was like physically seeing all of the stress and anxiety leave his body, almost like deflating a balloon, and a kind of numbness take over. It made him feel more in control of the situation and calmer than he had felt in days.

Remus came away from his first exam feeling like he might have passed it, that it wasn't the abject failure he'd been convinced it was going to be. When he met Sirius for lunch at the Leaky Cauldron that afternoon he was painfully aware of the cuts on his leg, which he could feel throbbing away and knew he couldn't risk Sirius seeing him in a state of undress until they had healed. He felt guilty as he told Sirius that they could only see each other during the day for lunch for the next two weeks because he was too busy with revision, but mostly he felt relief when Sirius accepted it, albeit with a lot of pouting and whining. He cheered up though when Remus whispered in his ear how he would make it up to him.

However by the time Remus' exams were over not all of the cuts had healed; some were still quite fresh as Remus had found himself reaching for his razorblade more than once.

Sirius smiled at Remus as he entered Remus' bedroom with freshly cleaned teeth. The past couple of weeks without spending proper time with his boyfriend had been hard, in more ways than one, and Sirius was looking forward to ending this dry spell.

Sirius pulled back the covers and slipped into bed beside Remus. 'I've missed you so much Moony,' Sirius breathed and pulled Remus in for a kiss. 'I've missed this.' Sirius deepened the kiss and ran his hand down Remus' body but stopped when he reached hip and felt the flannel beneath his hand. Sirius broke the kiss and pulled away to look at Remus. 'Are you wearing pyjama bottoms Moony?'

'Yes.'

'Why? You never normally wear anything to bed.'

'I'm cold. It's been a cold two weeks without you.'

'Well we can soon sort that out.' Sirius pulled Remus back in and peppered kisses up and down Remus' neck, biting down gently at the junction of Remus' neck and shoulder, eliciting a moan from his boyfriend. Remus reached out an arm to switch the light off but Sirius grabbed his hand before he could do so. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm switching the lights off.'

'I see that but why? I want to look at you.'

'I just want the lights off.'

Sirius sat up. 'What's going on Moony?'

'Nothing, I'd just feel more comfortable with the lights off.' Remus stared back at Sirius, expression mild but Sirius knew he wasn't telling him the whole truth. Sirius placed his hand on Remus' thigh in a gesture meant to comfort as he opened his mouth to speak but he was cut off from what he was about to say from a sharp intake of breath from Remus. Frowning Sirius looked down at where his hand lay on Remus' thigh and looked back up at his boyfriend's face. 'Moony?'

Remus shook his head and refused to meet Sirius' eyes. 'Moony what's going on? You're worrying me.'

Remus made like he was going to get up off the bed but Sirius was too quick and grabbed a hold of him. When Remus refused to meet his eyes, Sirius growled in annoyance and quick as a flash pulled down the pyjama pants that Remus was wearing to expose his thighs. Sirius felt himself deflate when he saw cuts in various stages of healing on Remus' thigh, and an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over him. Sirius had seen and felt the scars on Remus' thigh the first time they'd slept together and had tried to broach the subject with Remus the next day but Remus had point blank refused to talk about it. Sirius had been frustrated but hadn't brought it up again, and it had remained as a little niggle in the back of his mind since.

'This is why you've been avoiding me then?'

Remus didn't reply, he just pulled his pyjamas back up with a carefully blank expression and avoided looking at Sirius.

Sirius felt a spark of frustration light up inside of him. Remus couldn't just ignore the situation and hope it would all go away. 'Rem come on, talk to me. You can't just ignore this.'

Remus scoffed. 'You're unbelievable you know,' he said with an edge to his voice.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Sirius asked tightly.

'You expect me to open up to you, share my pain and my deep, dark secrets,' Remus said mockingly, 'Without getting anything in return?'

Sirius frowned and shook his head. 'What...I don't...'

'Your Dad Sirius,' Remus bit out, jaw clenched.

Sirius blanched and unconsciously backed a few steps away from Remus.

'When were you going to tell me about him passing away?'

'How...Who told you?' Sirius experienced a moment of terror thinking that Remus had seen it announced in a newspaper or online. He wasn't ready to tell Remus everything about his family yet.

'James.'

Sirius flinched. 'He shouldn't have done.'

'No _you_ should have. He let it slip accidentally, thought you had already told me. He made me promise not to say anything to you, that I should wait for you to confide in me,' Remus said bitterly, a red flush stealing across his face.

'My family is a fucked up mess Remus, I don't want any of that touching us, touching what we have.' Sirius crossed his arms defensively across his chest.

'But you've told me about your childhood, how shitty it was for you and your brother. I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me about this. I could've been there for you, like you are with me.'

Sirius shook his head. 'There's more to it than that Moony.' He hadn't told him about how the neglect and psychological abuse had turned physical once he got older, about all the beatings he had received from his father, about his mother locking him in the wine cellar for hours at a time. 'You have enough shit going on, you don't need mine piled on top of it.'

'Don't use my anxiety as an excuse for you to keep things from me Sirius,' said Remus angrily.

Anger washed over Sirius, at James, at Remus, at his fucking pathetic excuse for a family. He could feel it spreading throughout his body and he released his arms and clenched his fists, wanting to lash out at something. 'It's got nothing to do with that Moony, nothing to do with you.'

'But it does though, you don't even care enough about me to tell me one of your parents died. And there's other stuff you haven't told me, I still don't know why you left home to live with James and his parents.'

'Just leave it Moony.'

'But-'

'I said LEAVE IT Moony,' Sirius slammed his hand against the wall and stared at Remus, chest heaving as he drew in ragged breaths. The silence that followed was deafening, and Sirius ran a shaking hand through his inky hair as he took a few deep breaths to calm down. He looked at Remus but the other boy was refusing to look at him and was stood with that infuriatingly expressionless face. Sirius opened his mouth to continue the argument but thought better of it. 'Look it's late, We're both tired, let's just go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning.'

'I think you should go.'

Sirius' head snapped up. 'What?'

'I said I think you should go.'

Sirius ran his hand through his hair in frustration. 'Moony look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you.'

'Just go Sirius.'

'But-'

' _Please_.' Remus continued to avoid Sirius' eye and Sirius felt something inside him snap. 'Fine,' he huffed. Sirius pulled on his clothes furiously, swearing when he couldn't find his shoes. All the while Remus simply stared at the floor and said nothing. Fully dressed Sirius turned to Remus. 'So that's it? You're not going to say anything else?'

Remus shook his head mutely.

'For God's sakes Remus, this wasn't even about me. Just goes to show how good you are at diverting attention away from yourself.' Sirius shook his head. 'I fucking love you and all I wanted to do was help you.' Remus continued to look at the floor in front of him as if it held all the answers. 'Fucks sake.' Sirius grabbed his bag and flung open the bedroom door, surprised to see James and Lily, both dressed for bed, stood in the hallway outside wearing twin looks of worry.

'Is everything alright?' asked Lily anxiously.

'We heard shouting,' said James awkwardly.

'Everything's fine,' came Remus' voice from in his bedroom.

Sirius scowled. 'Oh now he fucking speaks! And no, it's not bloody fine.' He shouldered his bag and walked towards the front door, not looking back to see if Remus was going to come after him.

Lily and James looked at each other in bewilderment as the front door slammed shut behind Sirius. James winced slightly as he heard Sirius stomp down the stairs and slam open the outside door. He stuck his head around Remus' bedroom door. 'Would you care to explain what the fuck just happened Moony?'

Lily walked past James and made straight for Remus, putting her arm around him. 'Rem?'

Remus just shook his head silently and shrugged out of Lily's embrace. 'Everything's fine, don't worry about it.'

When Lily opened her mouth to argue Remus cut her off. 'I'm tired and I want to go to bed now. I have an early lecture tomorrow.'

Lily looked to James, eyebrows raised, and he just shook his head sadly in return. Lily sighed in defeat. 'Fine but if you need anything Rem just knock ok?'

When Remus didn't answer she just patted him on the shoulder and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her. Once she and James were safely ensconced in her bedroom she turned to him and asked 'What the hell was that about?'

ooOOOoo

Sirius didn't know how he got home, he felt numb, unable to process what had just happened. He just let his feet guide him out of Remus' flat and take him back to his own apartment a mile away. Once inside he walked woodenly towards his bedroom, grabbing a bottle of whisky as he passed the drinks trolley, and kicked his door open before collapsing onto his bed, mind racing and threatening to overwhelm him. He took a deep breath, trying to find a semblance of control but instead he breathed in the smell of Remus that still lingered on his pillow. Blinking back tears furiously Sirius ripped the lid off of the whisky bottle and took a long pull on the contents, feeling his throat burn as he swallowed.

ooOOOoo

When James let himself into the apartment the next morning he was greeted with darkness, all the blinds were closed and the apartment was deathly silent. James swore under his breath and made straight for Sirius' bedroom. He had remained at Lily's last night rather than come after Sirius because he figured his hot-tempered best friend needed some time alone to cool down. He had expected to come home this morning to find Sirius eagerly awaiting a chat with him about how he could sort things out with Remus. Instead James felt a sense of foreboding as he opened Sirius' bedroom door, which he noted had a foot shaped dent near the bottom.

'Shit!' James rushed over to Sirius' bed where its occupant was sprawled out face down besides an empty bottle of whisky. James frantically felt for a pulse and heaved a sigh of relief when he felt it, beating steadily under his shaking fingers. A thought occurred to him and he looked around to make sure that Sirius hadn't taken anything else with his whisky, and was relieved to see there weren't any empty pill packets lying around.

'What are we going to do with you Sirius?' James whispered sadly. He patted Sirius' shoulder and left the room to find a bowl in case Sirius was sick when he awoke. James found a bowl under the kitchen sink, and also got a glass of water and some paracetamol for Sirius. He flicked on the kettle to make himself a cup of tea and pulled his phone out to text Lily whilst he waited for it to boil.

_Sirius is passed out drunk on his bed. Have you spoken to Remus yet? xxx_

**Not yet, he's hiding in his bedroom. I'll turn the screws when he finally emerges xx**

James smiled, he was so grateful to have Lily in his life, if only for help in dealing with those two idiots. His smile faded though as he wondered if this was the precursor to another of Sirius' black moods, no pun intended. For as long as James had known him, Sirius was prone to periods of melancholy that could last for weeks. After he came to live with them, James' parents had tried to get Sirius to see his GP but he had refused every time. On one memorable occasion they had managed to get a doctor to make a house call to see Sirius after he hadn't gotten out of bed in over a week but he had simply walked out of the house when the doctor arrived and hadn't returned for nearly a week. Euphemia and Fleamont had been out of their minds with worry, contacting local hospitals, police stations and hostels, even morgues, looking for him when he wouldn't answer his phone. When he had finally returned he had shrugged off their questions simply saying he'd been staying with 'a friend' and that he felt fine now. When James had tried to broach the matter with him, Sirius had pointedly changed the subject, and so they no longer tried to interfere when Sirius was in low spirits. They just did their best to look after and take care of him to the extent that he would let them. It was still difficult to see Sirius, his normally extroverted, exuberant, animated best friend become withdrawn and sullen, closeting himself away in his bedroom for days at a time and barely speaking two words to anyone when he did emerge.

James took a deep breath and fervently hoped that when Sirius woke up he was his normal self, well, as normal as you could be after having a massive fight with your boyfriend and drinking yourself into a stupor. He drew back Sirius' bedroom curtains and cracked open the window to get rid of the fug of stale alcohol that had permeated the room, and then settled in to wait for Sirius to emerge from his drunken coma.

ooOOOoo

Two hours later Sirius awoke with a splitting headache and a mouth that tasted like something had crawled in and died. He tried to roll over but as he did so his stomach roiled and he felt whatever it was that he'd drunk the night before suddenly making its way back up. He heaved into the plastic bowl that had suddenly appeared in front of him, and a disembodied hand pulled his hair back out of his face as he was violently sick.

'Christ Pads did you really have to drink the entire bottle? That was the good shit too.'

Sirius tried to raise his head to look at James but his stomach protested the movement and he was sick again. When all he was bringing up was bile James released his hair and passed him a glass of water. Sirius swilled some water in his mouth and spat it out into the bowl. He sank back down onto the bed as he heard James leave the room, followed by the flush of the toilet. When he felt the bed dip next to him he blearily opened his eyes. 'Prongs what happened? he croaked.

'Er...' James' eyes nervously darted around the room and he unconsciously messed a hand through his hair. 'You and Moo-Remus had an argument last night, I don't know what about but you stormed out of his flat and when I came back this morning you were passed out in a drunken stupor.'

All of a sudden it came back to him in a rush of blinding pain in his chest. The nearly healed cuts on Remus' leg, the yelling, his Father... His _Fa_ _ther_. 'You told him. About my Father.'

James exhaled and nodded. 'I'm sorry Pads, I didn't mean to. I'd assumed you'd told him.' 'I wish you hadn't said anything.'

'Sirius-'

'No James. You know what they did to me, I didn't want any of that to touch Remus, to taint what I have with him. Besides it's not as if he's my Father anymore, he hasn't been since I was sixteen and he beat the shit out of me and then kicked me out of the house for being gay. _I'm glad he's dead_ ,' Sirius said vehemently. 'And I know that's wrong, and that's why I didn't want Remus to know.'

'Christ Sirius all he has to do is Google your name and it's all there displayed for him to see. Lord Sirius Black, eldest son and heir apparent of the Earl of Grimmauld. Although I suppose you're the Earl now he's dead.'

Sirius snorted. 'Not for long,' he said darkly.

'What do you mean?'

'The Countess,' he sneered. 'Is contesting Father's will because he never legally had me disinherited, just told me that I was cut off for as long as I refused to toe-the-lie. She wants Regulus to become the Earl instead of plain old Honourable Regulus Black. She's wanted it for years but Orion was hoping I'd change my mind and come back into the family fold. Study business and settle down to manage the family estate, marry a girl from a good bloodline and produce the next generation of Blacks. I could even go off and bugger men so long as I was discreet about it and didn't scandalise the family name. _Toujours_ _Pur_ and all that shit.'

James sighed heavily and placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder comfortingly. 'Pads, don't you see you need to talk to Remus about this? What if some tabloid writer finds out where you're studying and comes sniffing around? It won't be that difficult for him to find out about Remus, can you imagine if Remus winds up splashed across the cover of those rags, outed as the Earl of Grimmauld's gay lover?'

Sirius groaned. In truth he hadn't even considered the possibility of that happening, but he realised James was right. There was nothing more the papers loved than any whiff of a scandal involving British nobility, and the disgraced son of the newly dead Earl of Grimmauld and his gay lover were sure to make good headlines. He sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face. 'Good job I have you around Jamie to talk some sense into me.'

James put his arm around Sirius' shoulder and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 'I love you Sirius, don't ever forget that. You're my brother.'

Throat suddenly feeling thick, Sirius nodded mutely. He swallowed heavily and snuck his arms around James' waist, clinging to his best friend and brother. The two stayed like it for some minutes until Sirius cleared his throat and pulled away. 'Guess I better talk to Remus then. Let's hope he'll talk to me after last night.'

'Was that what set off the argument? Your Dad?' James asked looking concerned.

Sirius sighed and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck. 'That was part of it but I can't tell you the rest Jamie, It's not my secret to tell.' He was silent for a moment. 'I told him I loved him James, the first time I said it to him and it was in the heat of an argument.'

'You'll make it up Pads and then you can tell him again properly.'

ooOOOoo

Sirius pressed the buzzer to Remus and Lily's flat and a couple of minutes later the front door opened to reveal a pale Remus, curls in wild disarray and still clad in his pyjamas and oversized jumper. His eyes widened when he saw Sirius but he stayed where he was and didn't move back to allow Sirius entry.

Sirius reached for him but Remus took a step back frowning. Sirius sighed and ran his hand through his hair. 'Look Moony, I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have tried to push you into talking about something you didn't want to talk about... And I should have told you about my father, and not just for the reasons you think.'

When Remus gave nothing in reply, his expression giving nothing away Sirius sighed again. 'Look can I just come in? It's bloody freezing out here.'

'Look, maybe...maybe this wasn't such a good idea,' Remus said quietly, looking at the ground.

Sirius frowned, not understanding what Remus was saying.

'There's just too much going on, I can't...I can't deal with it all. I think...' Remus trailed off, sadness in his eyes. 'I don't think we should be together anymore.'

'What? Moony no, you don't mean it.' Sirius closed the distance between the two of them. He grabbed hold of Remus' arms and leant his forehead against the other boys. 'Please don't Moony,' he whispered around the lump in his throat. He felt Remus shake his head.

'I'm sorry Sirius, it's for the best.' Remus withdrew from Sirius' grip and closed the door, on Sirius and on their relationship too. The lump in Sirius' throat grew painful and his eyes stung. Turning away and biting back the tears that threatened to fall Sirius began to walk in the direction of the corner shop to buy a new bottle of whisky. Hell he might as well buy a whole fucking case.

ooOOOoo

'Who was that?' Lily asked when Remus came back up the stairs and into their flat.

'Sirius,' he said as he walked past her heading for his bedroom.

'What did you-'

'I broke up with him,' Remus said in a monotone, his voice betraying no hint of emotion. He disappeared into his bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind him, a clear indication that he didn't want to talk to her. Lily huffed in frustration, she didn't know what had happened last night between the two of them, Remus had refused to talk to her, but she was determined to find out. Grabbing her coat, keys and phone she made her way out of the flat and started walking in the direction of Phineas Street, dialling James as she did so. James had told her that Sirius wouldn't tell him what they had argued about, saying it wasn't his secret to tell. Well dammit she knew all of Remus' secrets so she would get it out of Sirius, even if she had to use thumb screws to do so.

'James? We have a problem...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, you didn't think it was all going to be plain sailing did you?
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's left kudos and comments, it really makes my day when I get email notifications saying I have kudos or a new comment!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus isolates himself, Sirius spirals, James despairs and Lily offers some tough love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for alcohol abuse, self-destructive behaviour and a brief mention of self-harm. 
> 
> Apologies for the slightly abrupt ending but I was really struggling with it. James and Remus' 'chat' will be featured in the next chapter, not that I've written any of it yet.
> 
> Also thank you so much to everyone who's commented so far, it means so much to me and it's so encouraging to read them all. Definitely makes me want to write more and get this fiction finished!
> 
> Edited:-If you spot any typo's or anything else wrong in this chapter please let me know! I've just re-read this through for writing the next chapter and I spotted so many errors! I've corrected them but I'm worried there are more lurking that I'm blind to.

It had been six weeks since Remus and Sirius had broken up. Six very long weeks indeed James thought.

Lily had immediately come barrelling over to his apartment after the break-up, expecting to catch up with Sirius on her way over. It was not until eight o'clock in the evening however that Sirius had put in an appearance, buzzing all the apartments in the building because he was too drunk to use his keys to get in. How he had managed to get home James had no idea because he had been swaying on his feet and all but passed out the minute James and Lily got him on the sofa.

'What are we going to do James?' Lily had asked him sadly. James didn't have a clue then and he sure as hell didn't have a clue now. As he had feared Sirius had gone into one of his black moods, becoming melancholy and withdrawn. He had barely been to lectures and only emerged from his room for food or to go and buy a new bottle of whiskey from the off-licence down the road. More often than not he seemed to sleep all day, and he'd lost weight, his hair was unkempt and lacking its normal illustrious shine, and he hadn't shaved once in those six weeks. During one of his drunken binges Sirius had trashed his bedroom; James had returned home after a night spent at Lily's to find Sirius had torn his posters from the walls, ripped the curtains down and his floor was littered with broken items that had been hurled at the walls. Sirius himself was nowhere to be seen and James had spent several hours cleaning up the mess, alternating between swearing furiously and dashing hot tears away from his cheeks.

Euphemia and Fleamont had come up for a visit, concerned for Sirius' well-being after James had told them what had happened. He had purposely not told Sirius about their visit but he must have somehow found out because he was conspicuously absent during their stay and only returned home after Euphemia and Fleamont had reluctantly left, sporting a black eye and an aroma of stale drink. He refused to say where he'd been or how he'd gotten the shiner, telling James to stop being such a fucking nag.

James was out of his mind with worry for Sirius, and even more so after discovering that Sirius had wilfully given up his inheritance. He had gone into Sirius' bedroom to clean up and open the windows after Sirius had left the apartment to buy yet another bottle of whiskey, and found a letter from the Black family's solicitor. Sirius had signed away his title and inheritance, his younger brother Regulus was now the Earl of Grimmauld, and had inherited the family seat, Grimmauld Place, in Buckinghamshire which was a vast country estate, as well as a London town house in Mayfair and a sizeable fortune. Sirius didn't even have so much as a courtesy title anymore. Oh James knew that Sirius had never cared for his family's inheritance, claiming he didn't want to follow in their footsteps, and after-all he did have the house and money his late Uncle Alphard had left him, neither of which were to be sniffed at, but James had hoped that Sirius wouldn't give in without a fight, even if only to infuriate his mother.

Even more alarming was seeing Sirius' ex, Gideon Prewett emerge from Sirius' bedroom one morning. James nearly spat out the tea he was drinking when he saw Gideon swan into the lounge. Gideon smirked at James' reaction and winked at James as he silently let himself out of the flat.

Boiling with anger James stormed into Sirius' bedroom, to find his best friend reclining naked in bed smoking a cigarette. 'You can fucking cut that out for a start.' James grabbed the cigarette, opened the window, and tossed the smouldering butt outside. 'What the fuck do you think you're playing at Sirius? Gideon? Really? He fucking messed you around and led you on last year or has all the alcohol killed off the brain cells housing that memory?'

'Fuck off James,' Sirius scowled.

'Have you forgotten about Remus? The boy you purport to be in love with? How do you think he's going to feel when he finds out you've been shagging around?'

'First of all I haven't been shagging around. Second of all Remus and I are over. Done. Finished. No more. So what does it matter if he finds out? It's not like he fucking cares,' said Sirius bitterly.

'Maybe not but you still obviously do.'

'I'm not in the mood for this.' Sirius got up and shucked on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that looked like it needed a wash. He grabbed his wallet and keys from his bedside table and walked out of the room.

'Where are you going?'

Sirius toed on the boots he had left by the front door. 'To get a drink.'

'It's ten o'clock in the fucking morning.' Sirius turned to James, face gaunt with his hollow cheeks and dead eyes. 'So?' He opened the door and walked out, not bothering to shut it behind him. James crossed to the open door and watched Sirius walk away, shoulders hunched up and head down, so unlike the usual Sirius Black strut that James felt like crying. James watched until Sirius rounded the corner out of sight, and then shut the door, resting his head against it. He felt completely out of his depth and didn't have a clue what to do. All he knew was he couldn't go on watching his best friend self-destruct in this manner.

ooOOOoo

Remus' usual reaction to stressful situations was to ignore them and hope they would go away. His break-up with Sirius was no exception. Since the morning when he had dumped Sirius, he had flat out refused to discuss the situation with Lily, leaving the room every time she tried to talk about it with him. He knew she was nearing the end of her patience with him, and that sometime in the not-too-distant future she would have his balls on a platter but until then Remus would carry on as he had before Sirius Black had entered his life and turned it upside down.

He took on extra shifts at Flourish and Blotts, where thankfully no one tried to interrogate him about Sirius. Marlene knew they had broken up but had wisely not said anything to Remus beyond offering him an ear if ever he wanted to talk about it. He was thankful for that, he couldn't deal with people's sympathy. He didn't deserve it and he didn't want it, didn't want the attention.

When he wasn't at work or in lectures, most of Remus' free time was spent in the Library working on essays or doing reading for his course. Knowing that James was probably furious at him for breaking his best friend's heart, Remus had done his best to avoid him. He left the flat early and returned late in case James was there with Lily, and in the lectures they shared together he left it until the last minute to enter lecture theatres and sat as far away from James as physically possible. Whilst this meant Remus was able to avoid a painful confrontation with James, it had the downside of elevating Remus' anxiety levels. He hated entering lectures at the last minute, he always liked to arrive in plenty of time so he could get a seat. Entering at the last minute meant running the risk that the only seats left were at the front of the room and Remus would have to walk past all of his classmates and feel their eyes on him, watching him and judging him.

This self-imposed isolation from his friends had Remus feeling really low and anxious. Although not by nature a social person, even without the social anxiety, Remus had really come to enjoy the time he spent as part of a foursome with Sirius, Lily and James, and he missed that almost as much as he missed Sirius. Not that he would admit that to anyone, least of all himself. He hadn't broken up with Sirius because he no longer cared for him, Remus was quite certain he was in love with Sirius, but because it had all gotten to be too much. He had felt as if everything was piling on top of him, like the walls were closing in from all sides and squeezing him until he couldn't breathe, he was suffocating. Sirius' secrecy surrounding his family, finding out that Sirius' Dad had died and he hadn't even said a word about it to him, exams and the pressure to perform well because his ability to secure a job after graduating depended on him graduating with a 2:1 or above, keeping his self-harm a secret from Sirius, anxiety over how Sirius would react when he did find out. It was all too much and he did the only thing that had made sense in his anxiety-riddled brain, he had let Sirius go. A part of Remus also felt it was the kind thing to do, he didn't think it was fair for Sirius to be lumbered with someone who was as messed-up as he was. Who honestly would want to go out with someone who deliberately harmed themselves? No, Remus told himself, it was the fair thing to do. Sirius could go and find himself someone who wasn't a fucking headcase.

Instead of suffering through the indignity of removing Sirius as his boyfriend on Facebook, Remus instead deactivated his profile. It would also remove any temptation to Facebook stalk Sirius, Remus didn't think he could cope if he saw pictures of Sirius with someone else. However it wasn't photos he needed to have worried about, what he got instead was verbal proof that Sirius had moved on and forgotten about him.

Remus entered Flourish and Blotts for his afternoon shift to find Marlene stood behind the counter talking to a customer. He waved at her and headed to the staffroom to stow his bag in his locker. He made a cup of tea and headed back out onto the shop floor. Marlene was still talking to her customer so Remus busied himself with doing some work on the computer. He quickly realized though that the customer was Marlene's friend Gideon, whom she'd wanted to set him up with all those months ago.

'I'm telling you Marls, I feel like I can barely walk, he fucked me into the mattress last night.'

'Gideon shhh, keep your voice down, I have customers in here and I don't think they'd appreciate hearing the details of your sexploits with whatever randomer you pulled last night.'

'I think you might know him actually, Sirius Black? We dated a while back, but he was too fucking clingy. Seemed to think just because we were shagging it meant we were together. He's good for a quick shag though, and he was certainly desperate enough last night.'

Upon hearing Sirius' name Remus sucked in a shocked breath and it wasn't until he started to feel lightheaded that he realised he hadn't released it. He exhaled shakily, willing himself not to cry. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care, he broke up with Sirius, his ex-boyfriend was free to do what he wanted with whom he wanted. So why did it feel like someone had ripped his heart out?

'Sirius is a friend of mine actually,' Remus dimly heard Marlene say, voice as cold as the Arctic.

'And your point is?'

'You know what Gideon, I think it's time you left. And don't consider stepping foot back in here, you're banned.'

Remus was too lost in thoughts of Sirius with another man, to realise that Gideon had left. He couldn't stop picturing a faceless man touching Sirius, kissing him, fuck-

'Remus?' A hand placed itself on his shoulder and he jumped. Schooling his face into a neutral expression he turned around, not meeting Marlene's eyes.

'Remus are you-'

'I'm fine.' He grabbed a box of new books by his feet that were waiting to be shelved and seeing a customer approaching the till with a pile of books in their hands he took his chance and slipped out from behind the counter, leaving Marlene to serve the soon-to-be-broke student. He could still feel her eyes on him as he disappeared into the shelves with his box of books. Out of Marlene's line of sight he placed the box by his feet and took a few deep, shaky breaths and scrubbed his hands over his face. He could do this, he could, he could, he could...

ooOOOoo

Lily barged her way into Sirius' room and strode over to the window, pulling back the curtains to reveal blinding sunlight. Sirius groaned from where he was laid out on the bed but made no attempt to move other than to pull a pillow over his head.

'Oh no you don't.' Lily grabbed the pillow and chucked it on the floor. 'Time to get your arse up out of bed Black. I've had enough of this, we all have.'

Sirius ignored her and pressed his face into the mattress. Lily sighed, she had been expecting this reaction. She stalked back out of Sirius' room and re-entered with a washing up bowl filled with cold water, which she poured all over Sirius. He sat up with a start, swearing viciously as he pushed his soaking wet hair out of his eyes. He looked around wildly and his eyes narrowed when they landed on Lily. 'You bitch,' he hissed.

Lily simply stared back at him, eyebrows raised in challenge and arms crossed. Sirius wilted under her gaze and his body slumped in defeat.

'You are going to get up, have a shower, wash your hair, shave and brush your teeth whilst I strip this disgusting excuse for a bed. Then we're going out for a walk. All of this'- Lily gestured to Sirius' messy bedroom- 'ends today. It's time to get your life back on track.' Sirius blinked but he knew better than to argue with Lily when she was in one of her no-nonsense moods. Meekly he got out of bed, clad in boxers and a now wet t-shirt, and made his way into the en-suite bathroom.

Lily exhaled the breath she didn't even realise she'd been holding and started to strip the bed. She didn't think getting Sirius to comply was going to be that easy, she'd been expecting shouting, arguing, maybe even for Sirius to throw a few things. What she had not been expecting was his meek acceptance of her orders. That worried her, she'd wanted to see proof that there was still some fight left inside of him. Sighing Lily gathered the bedding in her arms, wrinkling her nose at the smell of sour sweat and stale alcohol, and opened the windows for good measure before leaving the room to put the bedding into wash. A hot wash.

Lily was sat on the sofa reading a magazine when Sirius emerged from his bedroom, freshly shaven, dressed and clean hair tied back in a bun. Although he had dark circles under his eyes and his usually tight jeans and t-shirt were loose on his body, Lily felt a spark of hope within her. 'Right shoes on and we'll go,' she said standing up, discarding the magazine on the sofa.

Sirius pulled on his Doc Martens and leather jacket, not saying a word, and followed Lily out of the apartment onto the pavement outside. 'Where are we going?' he asked, falling into step beside her.

'Well firstly we're going to see your head of department about all the lectures and work you've missed this semester. Then we're going to go for a walk and get some lunch.'

Sirius frowned. 'What if Slughorn's not available?'

'I already made an appointment with him, so he's expecting you.'

Sirius merely nodded and didn't say anything else. The two of them walked in an almost companionable silence towards the university campus. When they entered the Art History department's building, Lily stopped and placed her hand on Sirius' arm. 'Do you want me to come in with you?'

Sirius shook his head slowly and extricated himself from Lily's grip. 'Ok, well I'll wait here in the foyer for you.' Sirius just nodded silently once more and walked off in the direction of Professor Slughorn's office.

Lily frowned when Sirius disappeared down the corridor, wondering if she had done the right thing in making Sirius come here. She pulled her phone out to text James to update him on what had happened and settled into wait.

Half an hour later Sirius suddenly materialised at Lily's side, making her jump. 'Christ Sirius, don't sneak up on people like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack.'

Sirius gave her a ghost of a smirk and she stood up, shoving him playfully. 'C'mon, let's go and get some lunch. James and I found this cute little cafe down by the canal last week.'

As they walked Sirius told Lily that Slughorn had been optimistic that he could catch up on all the work he had missed, giving him until the end of the upcoming Easter Break to submit everything and to complete additional essays for each of the seminars he had missed in order to demonstrate that he had understood the subject matter. 'He said there's an additional requirement though, one that is non-negotiable if I want to continue with my studies.'

'Oh?' Lily came to a stop and looked at Sirius but he wouldn't meet her eyes, and hunched his shoulders, kicking at the stones with the tip of his shoe.

Sirius heaved a sigh and scowled at his feet. 'He said I have to attend sessions with a counsellor at the university's health centre.'

'And you don't want to.'

'No of course I don't bloody want to Lily. I'm not a fucking headcase ok, I just...just had a blip.'

'Would you say that Remus is a headcase?'

'What? No! Of course not, why would you even say that?' Sirius looked shocked at Lily's question and she could see the anger glinting in his eyes at what he had perceived to be a dig at Remus.

'Because Remus sees a counsellor about his anxiety. I don't think he'd take to kindly to being called a headcase.'

'He's not...I didn't mean...' Sirius spluttered.

Lily smirked and bumped shoulders with him. 'If you wouldn't apply that label to him then don't apply it to yourself. It takes courage to admit you need help Sirius, there's no shame in it ok?'

Sirius nodded. 'It's just, I know they'll want me to talk about my family.' He pulled a face as he said it, as if even the idea of discussing them was repugnant to him.

'Would that be such a bad thing Sirius? By holding it all in you're just giving them power over you still. You've left them behind physically but mentally,' Lily reached up and tapped Sirius' temple, 'They're still in here. They need their eviction orders love.'

Sirius huffed a chuckle. 'When you put it like that.'

Lily hooked her arm through Sirius' and started walking again. 'Aren't you glad you've got me in your life Sirius?' she asked teasingly.

Sirius smiled his first genuine smile of the day, possibly of the last month and a half, and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. 'I really am.'

ooOOOoo

If James was brutally honest he had expected Sirius to be the one to fuck the relationship up, so it came as something of a shock when it turned out to be Remus who ended things between them. James was nothing if not loyal to his friends, and although he classed Remus as a friend, a good friend who he felt rather protective over, it was Sirius to whom his loyalty would always lie. Sirius with whom he had been friends with since he was eleven and who had been all but adopted by his parents when he had turned up on their doorstep in the middle of the Easter holidays when they were sixteen, covered in bruises and welts, lip split wide open and eyes nearly swollen shut. Sirius who he loved like a brother.

He tried to make Lily understand all of this when they argued about who was to blame for the break-up and its subsequent fall-out. They each blamed the other's best friend- Remus was pushing Sirius too much about his family and Sirius was too secretive about his family- and the blazing row had continued for twenty minutes until they had yelled themselves hoarse and just gave up, exhausted.

If James was to continue being brutally honest he also blamed himself. Every time he thought back to the conversation with Remus in his parent's kitchen at Christmas he felt guilty. He had felt like kicking himself when he saw Remus' face. If only he hadn't of assumed and had kept his mouth shut. Deep down he knew that would only have delayed the inevitable, that sooner or later Sirius' unwillingness to discuss his family and his decision not to tell Remus about his Dad dying, would have blown up like this anyway. Still, it didn't help with the guilt that he nursed in his chest.

The feeling of guilt also wasn't alleviated by Remus' avoidance of him. Remus ignored his text and Whatsapp messages, he'd deactivated his Facebook account, and he'd been avoiding him in lectures, slipping in at the last minute and sitting as far away from him as possible. James had considered waiting for Remus outside the lecture theatres before the lectures started, but he knew that Remus would turn in the opposite direction the minute he saw him. Remus was surprisingly fast, he had managed to give James the slip at the end of every lecture they had together so far and James was convinced that Remus knew of secret passages in the old university buildings.

James was about ready to chuck Remus fireman style over his shoulders in the middle of a lecture and walk out the door with him but luckily for him and everyone else in the lecture a small article in _The Times_ meant he didn't have to.

Remus was just sliding into his seat in the lecture theatre when he heard a snort of laughter coming from a couple of rows in front of him. He looked up to see Mafalda Hopkirk and one of her friends with their hands over their mouths, laughing, as they eyed him disdainfully. He looked down at his tattered jumper with its fraying sleeves and his jeans which were threadbare and ripped in the knees, and blushed violently red. Mafalda had asked him out on a date in their first year, but he had turned her down and she had been bitter about it ever since. He tried to ignore their snorts of laughter and whispering and concentrated on getting the things out of his bag that he needed for taking notes. As he pulled his notebook out of his bag the newspaper he had bought earlier in the day fell into his lap. As he shoved the as yet unread newspaper back in his bag a small headline caught his eye.

**Late Lord Grimmauld's Younger Son claims Title and Estate**

As Remus read the short, two paragraph article in _The Times_ he felt like he had been dowsed with ice cold water. The article reported that Sirius Black, eldest son of the Late Lord Grimmauld, had signed over his inheritance to his younger brother Regulus, now the youngest Earl in the country at the age of eighteen. Remus' head was swimming, he couldn't take it in, couldn't believe that Sirius was a member of the English aristocracy. He swallowed a hysteric laugh as he pictured Sirius in a straw boater hat before remembering that Sirius had gone to a Scottish boarding school and not Harrow. Remus cradled his head in his hands and took a few calming breaths. He couldn't believe the possible key to Sirius' secrecy had literally fallen into his lap. He felt anger flare up inside of him- why hadn't Sirius told him about this? He had briefly mentioned previous guys he had dated only wanting him for his money. Did Sirius think Remus might be after his money too? Looking down at his scruffy clothing Remus admitted to himself that it could certainly be a possibility. All the same he felt hurt, Sirius should know him well enough by now to know that he wasn't a materialistic person. Even if he had money he would probably spend it on books, just like he did now; Remus had always coveted the library that the Beast had gifted to Belle in _Beauty and the Beast_.

It occurred to Remus that James probably knew all about Sirius' family, they had been friends for so long after all, and had been instructed by Sirius not to say anything to him. Remus looked over to where James was sat on the opposite side of the lecture theatre, only to find his friend already looking over at him. Remus gestured to the paper and mouthed, 'Did you know?'

James swallowed, looking stricken, and nodded. He held his hand up in a 'wait' gesture and pulled his phone out. Seconds later a text alerted on Remus' phone. _Meet me after the lecture and we'll talk?_ James had sent him. Remus looked back over to his friend to find him watching him anxiously. Remus nodded and relief washed over James' face. Remus felt guilt swamp his body, he'd wanted to avoid confrontation with James over the Sirius situation but it hadn't occurred to him that by doing so he'd probably hurt his friend's feelings. Not only that but he'd probably only made things worse for himself by cutting himself off from his friends. It had been Remus' birthday the week before and he had spent it alone in the library. Last year Lily had taken him out for a meal at the curry house down the road from their flat and they'd gotten pissed on cheap white wine that had left them with terrible hangovers the next morning.

The lecturer called for quiet and Remus tried to focus on what he was saying but he couldn't ignore the feeling of apprehension that was now seeping through his body, and by the time the lecture was over he realized he had barely made any notes. Sighing he shoved his notebook and pens into his backpack and got up, waiting for James to make his way over to him.

'Alright mate?' James asked awkwardly, he started to reach his hand out as if to clap Remus on the shoulder but seemed to think better of it and let his hand fall to his side instead. 'Let's get out of here shall we?'

They left the lecture theatre and made their way outside, walking side by side but tacitly not saying anything. It wasn't until they stopped in front of the Leaky Cauldron that any words were exchanged. James looked at Remus, apprehension on his face and he awkwardly scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. 'Look, we don't have to go in there, we can go somewhere else if you like. I know that's where you and-'

'It's fine,' said Remus cutting him off and pushing open the door. He was immediately greeted with the aroma of freshly ground coffee beans and food, and felt some of the anxiety leave his body, much like the first time he had come in here. Remus made a beeline for a table for two at the back, ignoring the squashy sofas that were vacant and closer. He didn't feel a conversation like this should be conducted on such informal and relaxed furniture.

As soon as they had seated themselves Emmeline appeared besides their table. 'Remus, it's so good to see you again!' she exclaimed smiling happily, oblivious to the tension between the two boys. 'Where's that handsome boyfriend of yours?'

Remus flushed, unwilling to tell her that they'd broken up but James saved his from having to reply. 'Sirius is indisposed, so he's stuck with me today.' James flashed a confident grin at Emmeline and she blushed. 'Well it's nice to see you back in here Remus, I was afraid we'd done something to lose your custom.'

'Ah well I've been quite busy with uni and work lately. I've been living in the library mostly,' he said sheepishly, flushing again when he saw James cock an eyebrow at him.

'Well I'll leave you two to look at the menu, I'll be up front when you're ready to order.' Emmeline smiled prettily and walked away.

'Thank you. For this.' Remus looked up from his menu in surprise. James was looking at him warily, as if he was scared Remus was going to bolt at any given moment. Well, he couldn't really blame him Remus supposed, he had been doing his best to avoid James for the past month and a half. 'I didn't think you would agree to my text. Trying to talk to you recently has been surprisingly difficult.'

Remus flushed. 'I'm sorry...I was afraid you'd be angry at me. I'm not good with confrontation, I just find it easier to try and ignore it. Hope it will go away.' Remus fiddled with the sleeve of his jumper, which was starting to unravel in his fingers. 'Sounds stupid I know.'

'I'm not going to lie, I was angry at first. Lily and I had a blazing row about you and Sirius.' Remus winced and his right leg started jiggling under the table. James waved Remus' worry off with a wave of his hand. 'It's fine Moony don't worry. You know what they say about arguing, the making-up is the best part.' He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Remus felt his lips tugging upwards.

'Anyway. I'm not angry now, just glad you're here. No more avoiding me alright mate?' James clapped Remus on the shoulder and looked him in the eye as he spoke.

Remus nodded his assent. 'Promise.'

'Excellent. Right, what's good to eat here?'


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry I have taken so long to update this fic, life stuff happened and this went on the back burner. But here it is, the final chapter and I would like to say thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read, comment, leave kudos, subscribe etc. It really brightens my day when I get an email telling me i have kudos or a comment and things have been pretty shitty at the moment so it means all the more.
> 
> TW for mentions of self-harm, anxiety, alcohol abuse, self-destructive behaviour. As ever if you spot something I've missed please let me know. And please let me know if you spot any spelling mistakes etc.
> 
> Also I don't know if you get Polos outside of Britain but for those who don't know they're a mint sweet (that you're supposed to suck not crunch) and the spearmint ones are ace for heartburn (anxiety is fun!).

Remus crunched furiously on spearmint Polos as he walked over to James and Sirius' apartment. It had been two weeks since he had agreed to James' request whilst they were at the Leaky Cauldron to go and see Sirius. It had taken those two weeks to summon the courage to fulfill his promise and it would be the first time he and Sirius had seen each other in two months; to say he was anxious would be an understatement. It had also given him a wicked case of heartburn, hence the relentless chewing of spearmint Polos.

It was guilt that had led Remus to agreeing to James' pleading to "please just go and talk to Sirius". 'He's a mess,' James had said bluntly when Remus tentatively enquired how Sirius was, and he had winced at the hardness in his friend's voice. 'I'm at my wits end with him. He's spiraled since you broke up with him. He drinks, stays in bed all day unless of course he's run out of drink in which case he goes to buy more. He's barely been to lectures, hasn't turned any work in. I look at him and I don't even recognize my brother anymore Remus.' James' voice had cracked on the last word and he'd cradled his head in his hands and taken a shuddery breath.

Remus had bitten the inside of his cheek to keep his bottom lip from trembling as he'd felt his eyes burn with unshed tears and he'd placed his hands flat on his thighs to try to hide the fact that they were shaking. He'd rubbed his thumb across the thinning fabric of his jeans and felt the raised scar tissue on his leg. He had thought it was ironic really, that was the reason why they were all in this mess-the reason why James had been sat next to him crying, the reason why Sirius had become a shadow of his former self and the reason why his friendship with Lily was nearing breaking point. Remus had found himself so completely and utterly overwhelmed by what was happening around him that his solution had been to push Sirius away, push everyone away, and to retreat into himself. Remus quite frankly had expected everyone to carry on and move forward without him, he genuinely didn't feel he had that much of an impact on other people's lives. Apparently he had been wrong and he had cursed himself for his selfishness over the past month and a half; he had never stopped to consider that James might be feeling anything other than anger and looking at his friend now he could see the grief in his eyes, the dark circles lurking underneath them and the lines of strain around his mouth.

'Please go and see him. Talk to him. You obviously still care about him and he loves you, I know he does.' Remus had started to shake his head but James had kept talking. 'Look I don't understand why you dumped him and neither does Sirius. He deserves to understand, I think you owe him that much. Just talk to him, that's all I ask for. Please?'

Remus had tried to explain to James why he'd broken up with Sirius, he did his best to try to describe the way he'd felt as if the walls were closing in on him and the only way he knew how to cope with the pressure was to push everyone away and retreat into himself. It wasn't that he didn't care about Sirius, in fact he was pretty sure he was in love with him, which James had taken as a great encouragement. Remus sighed and popped another Polo into his mouth, he was pretty sure before long that his skin was going to take on a blue-ish hue from all the Polos he'd ingested over the past fortnight. He had no idea how Sirius was going to react to him turning up unannounced but he imagined it wasn't going to be pretty. Remus wasn't so foolishly optimistic as James who he privately thought had probably been watching too many rom-coms with Lily, as he appeared to be operating under the delusion that Remus and Sirius were going to have some kind of tearful reunion where everything would be magically resolved with all past hurts forgiven and forgotten whilst a Disney-esque soundtrack played in the background.

Neither of them had discussed the elephant in the room that was Gideon Prewett. Remus was sure that it must have gotten back to James that he knew about Sirius' hook-up with Gideon, but James didn't mention it and Remus didn't have the courage to bring it up. Whilst the logical part of Remus' brain told him that Sirius had most likely been seeking comfort and reassurance in the arms of another after being rejected, the irrational part of him whispered that perhaps if Sirius could sleep with someone else so soon after their break-up then perhaps he'd never cared that deeply for Remus to begin with. The thought of Sirius with anyone else made Remus feel sick to his stomach, but was Gideon the only one?

No it wasn't going to be as simple as 1-2-3 with Sirius, if they could even begin to think about getting back together they had to address the issues that had been plaguing their relationship from the beginning. They couldn't be a couple again if Sirius was going to continue hiding things from Remus where his family was concerned. James had given Remus a scant amount of information, mostly that Sirius had been kicked out by his family at age sixteen leaving behind his younger brother and had been taken in and adopted by the Potters. The rest, James said, was for Sirius to tell him.

'He didn't think you would be after his money or any bollocks like that if you knew about his family, he's learned to recognize arseholes like that. When Sirius left, his Mother made it pretty clear he was to have no more contact with any of them, which suited him fine. She even burnt him off this ridiculous family tapestry they had hanging in the drawing room.' James had snorted. 'Who the fuck even has a drawing room anymore let alone a bloody family tapestry.' Remus had raised an eyebrow at that, after all he had seen the number of rooms the Potter family house had, and he was pretty sure that at least one of them would qualify as a drawing room. 'That's the kind of bat-shit insane woman Walburga- Sirius' Mother- is. Sirius wanted to protect you from that, he didn't want your relationship tainted by his parents.'

Remus also knew he had to work on his own issues where his mental health was concerned. He'd been able to open up to Sirius to a certain extent about his anxiety and panic attacks, but there were some things he found incredibly difficult to talk about with anyone, even his therapist, and self-harm definitely fell under that umbrella. From his past experience, as supportive as some people claimed to be, there was always that flash of revulsion in their eyes upon learning that he deliberately cut himself. Unless you had been there yourself you couldn't possibly claim to understand it, the motivation and feeling behind it. Even Lily, his best friend who had been there for him through thick and thin since they were eleven, had cried her eyes out when she'd found out and had been slightly awkward around him for a few days afterwards.

Thinking of Lily made Remus smile. After he'd parted ways with James outside the Leaky Cauldron, Remus had headed home rather than heading to the library to hide away from Lily under the guise of studying as he usually would have done. He'd made himself a cup of tea and sat on the sofa mulling over everything he and James had discussed whilst he waited for Lily to come home. He had figured it was long past time that they talked, and he knew he had a lot of making up to do. When she had gotten back to the flat she'd yelled at him for half an hour straight until the next door neighbours began banging on the wall, and she had then reminded him that as a chemistry student she had access to chemicals that meant she could easily dispose of his dead corpse if he ever did anything like that ever again. And just like that they had fallen back into an easy friendship, and Remus once again kicked himself for neglecting his friends for so long and leaving them to pick up the pieces of his and Sirius' broken relationship.

All that was left now was for him to attempt to resolve things with Sirius. Remus squared his shoulders and took a deep breath as he reached for the buzzer to Sirius and James' apartment.

oooOOOooo

Sirius was sat at his desk in his bedroom working on one of the seminar essays Slughorn had set him when he heard the apartment buzzer go. Assuming it was Lily he listened with half an ear to see if James was going to answer, and when satisfied he had, Sirius turned his attention back to his essay. In the two weeks since he had had his meeting with his head of department Sirius had made good headway into his backlog of work and had already completed two essays and was now onto the third. It was amazing what you could do when you channelled heartbreak into productive means rather than looking for solace at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. Of course he had Lily to thank for that, she had given him the kick in the arse he needed and she refused to let him backslide.

The only thing that was hampering his productivity was James, who had suddenly turned into an overbearing mother hen. He was still tip-toeing around Sirius as if he expected his best friend to suddenly break down again. Sirius understood it but it still annoyed the hell out of him, he'd had to swallow down expletives several times when James had come to check on him, disguising it as asking if Sirius would like a cup of tea and a biscuit. Instead he had rolled his eyes and said 'yes thank you' or 'no thank you' in as neutral a voice as he could manage. However there were now five mugs with varying levels of tea left in them and it was only one p.m.

So when Sirius heard footsteps walking down the hallway which stopped at his bedroom door, he said in a terse voice 'Fuck off James,' without turning his head to look at his friend stood behind him. 'I don't want another sodding cup of tea and I'm not going to relapse again or whatever poncy word it was that Lily used. So buggar off and leave me in peace to get this essay done.'

'Oh...err, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you.'

It wasn't James come to mother hen him at all. Instead it was the person Sirius had least expected to talk to ever again and he felt the shock of it like a punch to the gut. He sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly, willing his pulse to settle. When he felt calmer and able to maintain a neutral expression he turned in his chair to face Remus.

Remus cleared his throat nervously. 'I, err... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come unannounced.'

Sirius raised a sceptical eyebrow. 'I doubt it was unannounced, I'm sure James knew you were coming over.' Remus flushed and ducked his head. _Bingo_. Sirius had known his meddling best friend was sure to have had a hand in this. 'You can come in, you know, no need to loiter in the doorway. Gives an unsavoury feeling to the surroundings does loitering.' His tone was casual but underneath his heart constricted in his chest and he took a few calming breaths as surreptitiously as was possible.

Remus looked up, cheeks still flush with colour, and unbidden a memory of a time Remus had looked like that underneath him flashed into Sirius' mind. Shaking his head to dislodge the image, Sirius gestured to the end of the bed and Remus hesitantly sat down. Rolling his eyes at what was typical Moony behaviour Sirius got up and shut his bedroom door, sticking his head out first to check James wasn't hanging around trying to eavesdrop. Sirius dropped back down into his desk chair affecting a relaxed demeanour that was completely at odds with how he felt internally. Half of him was screaming out to grab Remus and kiss him, to lie prostrate at his feet and beg forgiveness. The other half wanted to rage and chase Remus from the apartment. He wasn't ready for this, wasn't mentally prepared for whatever discussion was coming. Sirius cursed James for whatever part he had played in this as he eyed Remus who was sat gingerly on the end of his bed as if he expected at any moment for it to tip him off as he fiddled with the fraying sleeves of, what Sirius knew was, his favourite jumper. A jumper that Sirius had been known to borrow a time or two when he was cold. Or when he just wanted to be surrounded by Remus' scent.

'So I assume this isn't just a social call.'

Remus jumped as if he'd been shocked and looked up at Sirius with wide eyes. 'Er, I...I...No, well yes. It is. Sort of. I mean. Shit...' He trailed off and scrubbed a hand across his face.

Sighing Sirius took pity on his ex-boyfriend. 'James put you up to this didn't he?'

Remus' eyes met Sirius' then darted away, looking anywhere but at Sirius. 'He asked me to come over and talk. With you. He didn't make me, I wanted to. We talked and I realised what a huge mess I'd made of everything, and how much I'd hurt the people I cared for.' He looked up at Sirius again then, and Sirius sucked in a breath at the sorrow and remorse he saw in Remus' eyes. He'd spent the past two months swinging between rage and despair because he didn't think Remus had cared about him. He'd been so caught up in his own misery that he hadn't even cared to think that Remus too was suffering. Sirius huffed out a laugh. 'God we're a right pair aren't we?'

A look of confusion crossed Remus' face and Sirius felt something unfurl in his chest at the sight of it. God how he'd missed the other man, missed seeing his face every day, laughing at his dry humour, waking up and falling asleep besides him. Most of all he'd missed just being around him, being able to talk to him whenever he'd wanted. He'd missed the easy little intimate touches, a hand on his elbow, around his shoulder, on the small of his back; ankles hooked together under the table in the Leaky Cauldron or in the kitchen; Remus studying with his nose buried in a book and his feet on Sirius' lap.

Too late Sirius realized he had been staring as Remus' cheeks reddened, and he looked away clearing his throat. 'So I trust you've found me in a better state than what James had told you.'

Remus nodded. 'He, uh, painted a pretty awful picture. I wasn't sure how I'd find you to be honest, James keeps telling me what a state you're in but I think he forgets that I live with Lily. She told me what she did, her ego's gotten a bit over-inflated to be honest. I think we may have to make the doors in our flat bigger.' There was the ghost of a smirk on Remus' face as he said this and Sirius felt the sides of his own lips pull up.

'I'm not going to lie, everything James told you was true up until a fortnight ago when Lily dumped a bucket of cold water over me and made me wake up. Literally and figuratively.'

'I heard it was more like a bowl than a bucket,' Remus teased.

Sirius gasped in outraged horror and placed a hand over his heart dramatically. 'I assure you it was a bucket and it was freezing cold at that Moony.' The laughter fell from Remus' face at the sound of his nickname Sirius had given him and his eyes shuttered, looking away from Sirius. Sirius cursed himself for overstepping the mark and attempted to re-direct the conversation. 'She's a good person is Evans, Jamie's lucky to have her.'

A smile tugged at the edges of Remus' mouth and he looked at Sirius again. 'I don't know if either of them told you but I avoided them both for ages after...well after. When I came to my senses Lily gave me such a bollocking. She shouted at me for half an hour straight without even pausing for breath. At the end of it she gave me a hug and told me if I "ever pull that shit again," ' Remus made quotation marks with his fingers, 'she'd kill me and then dispose of my body using the various nefarious chemicals she has access to in the lab. It was quite scary actually.'

Sirius barked out a laugh. 'It's the red hair, it makes her anger all the more vibrant.'

Remus smiled but it didn't reach his eyes and his expression quickly sobered and he started fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper again. 'You're not shouting at me.' Remus looked up at Sirius from below his fringe of curls, trepidation in his eyes. 'Why?'

Sirius didn't answer straight away, instead studying Remus until he blushed again and looked away. 'I guess any anger I was still feeling kind of went away when I saw you.'

Remus shook his head. 'You should be angry at me, I pushed you away for no good reason. I just, I freaked out Sirius.'

Sirius wanted to go and sit next to Remus, put his arm around him and tell him to hush, that he didn't need to explain himself but he knew they needed to talk this out so instead he sat and listened as Remus explained how he felt as if everything had been piling on top of him and suffocating him. Sirius felt his heart getting heavier and heavier the more Remus talked and he felt like a total dick for not realising how much his boyfriend had been struggling. He had just assumed Remus was stressed over his exams, and had never stopped to consider that his unwillingness to talk about his past or his family could be affecting their relationship.

'Next time this happens just talk to me Remus and I'll give you space or whatever you need to help you through it.'

'Next time?'

 _Shit_. Sirius felt his stomach drop through the floor. He'd stupidly assumed that Remus had wanted to get back together and that was why he was here, talking it out with Sirius. He plastered a fake smirk on his face. 'Sorry Remus, got carried away there for a moment.'

Remus sighed. 'If you wanted to give it another go, that is give us another go, I wouldn't be against the idea,' he said carefully watching Sirius to see how he reacted.

Sirius felt his face light up in a smile and he was just getting up off his chair to envelope Remus in a hug when the other man held up a hand and started talking again. 'But, and this a bloody important but Sirius, I need you to be honest with me about your family.'

'I've never lied to you about them-' Sirius started hotly.

'I know you haven't Pads but you didn't tell me about them, which is a lie by omission. James said you wanted to protect me from them but I'm a big boy Pads, I can look after myself.'

Sirius rubbed a hand across his face in frustration. 'Eurgh fine, but it works both ways Moony. You have to be honest with me about how you're feeling.'

Remus nodded slowly. 'I get that. I promise I will do my best to talk to you about what's going on inside my head. There are some things that are just...too hard to talk about though you know? Even with my therapist, and they've heard it all. But for you I will work on it.'

'That's all I ask,' said Sirius. 'I'll try not to push you too much to talk about stuff but if I do it's only because I care about you and I want to help you. That's all.'

Remus smiled. 'I know love.'

 _Love_. Remus had called him love. Sirius' face split into a wide grin and he stood up and reached for Remus' hands, pulling him up to a standing position as well. 'So does this mean we're back together now?' he asked nuzzling Remus' face, brushing their noses together.

Remus hummed happily and wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist. 'I suppose so.' He looked up at Sirius, amber eyes shining with happiness. 'You'd better kiss me to make it official.'

Sirius slid one hand around the back of Remus' neck and the other into his tawny curls and brought Remus in for a kiss. When he felt Remus' lips open beneath his he felt his eyes burn with happy tears. However kissing Remus reminded him that he had to confess about Gideon, and he reluctantly pulled away and took a deep breath.

A wary expression crossed Remus' face and his eyes narrowed as he took a step back from Sirius and out of his embrace. 'What's the matter?'

'I need to tell you something.'

'If it's about Gideon Prewett then I already know.'

Sirius' mouth fell open in shock. 'I-you. What?'

Remus sat down on the end of his bed and immediately began fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper, shoulders hunched. 'That you slept with him. I know Sirius. But it's fine. We were broken up at the time.' His tone of voice was light but his body language betrayed his true feelings.

'Stop lying.'

Remus' head snapped up, eyes wide. 'What?'

'I said stop lying. You just promised me you would be more open with me about how you're feeling and you just lied to me. Tell me how you really feel!'

Anger flashed in Remus' eyes. 'Fine,' he bit out. 'I was- am- angry. Hurt. A little bit disgusted if I'm honest. Betrayed. It felt like you had cheated on me.'

Sirius nodded. 'I felt that way too the morning after, I had to go out and get wrecked to rid myself of the guilt.'

Remus stood up abruptly. 'Then why did you do it Sirius?' he half shouted.

'Because you rejected me!' Sirius threw his arms out wide and walked a few steps away from Remus before turning to face him again. Remus stared back unrelentingly at him, and Sirius swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and tried to ignore the tears that were burning in his eyes. 'I went out to a bar to drown my sorrows because all I could hear was my Mother's voice in my head telling me I was unlovable. He was there, paying me attention, flirting with me, buying me drinks and so I let him because I wanted to think it was possible that someone could still like me. That I wasn't completely unlovable,' Sirius finished bitterly.

'Pads,' said Remus hoarsely, as he stepped forward and reached out a hand to pull Sirius into his embrace. Sirius laid his head on Remus' shoulder and let the tears slide down his face onto Remus' jumper. 'I'm so sorry Moony, I knew I shouldn't have done it, I knew all he wanted was to get off. I needed to feel close to someone, it wasn't because I didn't love you or care about you. It was because I do love you and I felt as if a part of me had been ripped out. I'm so sorry.' Sirius sobbed as Remus made soothing noises and ran a hand up and down his back, the other hand buried in his hair. When his tears had finally stopped Sirius lifted his head from Remus' shoulder and looked into the amber eyes that had captivated him from the moment they had met. 'I am sorry Moony.'

'Hush, I know.' Remus kissed him on the nose. 'I forgive you Pads. Anyway it's my fault too. If I hadn't of freaked out and broken up with you, none of this would have happened.'

'Moony no...'

'Yes,' said Remus firmly. 'But what's done is done, we can't go back and change it, we can only move forward. So let's put it behind us and start afresh ok?'

Sirius huffed a sigh, but he nodded in agreement. It was so typical of Remus to want to shoulder some of the blame, even though what had happened with Gideon had been all down to Sirius. After-all no one had held a gun to his head and made him sleep with Gideon. It was then that a thought occurred to him. 'How did you find out about Gideon anyway?'

Remus grimaced. 'He came into work to boast to Marlene about his latest conquest and I unfortunately happened to be there.'

'That rat fucking bastard,' Sirius growled.

'I honestly don't think he knew I was your ex,' Remus shrugged. 'But he wasn't exactly respectful in what he was saying about you and Marls was having none of it, she kicked him out of the shop and now he's on the banned list too.'

'I knew there was a reason I loved that woman,' said Sirius.

Remus hummed in agreement. 'She is pretty awesome.'

'Not as awesome as you,' said Sirius as he leaned in to kiss Remus, heart filling with a happiness he hadn't thought possible to feel only an hour before.

ooOOOoo

When Remus and Sirius emerged from the bedroom they found James and Lily in the living room, looking at them expectedly. 'Well? Did you make up?' James asked, bouncing up and down excitedly on the sofa, reminding Remus of the day when he had first met Sirius and James had come bouncing in to Flourish and Blotts excitedly.

Remus smiled at Sirius, who smirked at James and then turned his head to capture Remus' lips with his own. As Remus responded to the kiss he heard James exclaim, 'oh thank God!' in the background and he reluctantly pulled away rolling his eyes at his friend's enthusiasm. Lily smiled happily at Remus and got up to pull him into a hug as Sirius started mock fighting with James, ribbing him about being a soppy twat.

'I'm so happy for you Rem,' Lily said into Remus' ear. He hugged her back, smiling. He knew it wasn't all going to be plain sailing with Sirius but they were back together and on the right track. The empty sensation that had filled Remus for the past couple of months had gone and he felt whole again.

'Well I figured I couldn't leave you to look after these two clowns on your own. Taking care of Sirius is a full time occupation on its own.'

'Hey!' Sirius shouted from where James had him in a headlock.

Lily just smirked. 'Glad to have you back on board Master Moony.'

'All aboard HMS Wolfstar!' shouted James, letting go of Sirius.

'I'm sorry, what?' Remus asked James incredulously.

'HMS Wolfstar,' James repeated.

'Repeating the same thing doesn't make it any easier to understand what you're going on about.'

'It's your ship name Moony. You know, cuz you're a wolf and Sirius is a star,' James said in a tone that made it very clear he thought Remus was being obtuse.

'Oh God,' groaned Sirius. 'You've been on bloody Tumblr again haven't you? You're not cool enough for Tumblr Prongs.'

'Fuck off am I not. I've got glasses and messy hair.' As if to prove his point James ruffled his hand through his hair, making it look even more like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards.

'Only because you don't brush it,' Sirius banded back

'Oh and I suppose you're Mr Cool with your long hair and your nipple piercings and your black leather jacket.'

'Cooler than you,' smirked Sirius.

'Says the man who cried on Skype with Mum and Dad the other week.'

'Hey! We said we weren't going to mention that.'

'What's this?' Remus asked. Sirius hadn't mentioned anything about James' parents.

James smiled smugly and spoke over Sirius as he simultaneously begged James to remain quiet and threatened to rip his balls off. 'He Skyped mum and dad to apologise for his behaviour. Mum absolutely tore him a new one, had him in tears.'

Remus looked at Sirius in disbelief. 'You cried because you got a telling off?'

The look on Sirius' face was murderous. 'No, I cried when Effie started crying about how much she loved me. Even Monty was welling up. It was a very emotional family moment.' His face brightened and he winked at Remus. 'Sometimes I think they love me even more than James but don't want to say anything for fear of hurting his feelings.'

James let out a strangled noise as he rugby tackled Sirius to the floor. Lily looked disdainfully at the two boys rolling around on the floor and swearing at each other, and rolled her eyes turning to Remus. 'You realise they come as a unit right? You don't just get one, you get both. Our days of having a quiet life are well and truly over.'

Remus smiled fondly at the two idiots who had both come to mean so much to him. 'Yeah but you and I both know we wouldn't have it any other way.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I accidentally had them tearfully get back together and forgive all past hurts. Oops. I also like to imagine that Sirius was listening to a Disney playlist whilst he worked on his essays (Disney songs got me through writing my Master's dissertation). I also realize that Remus and Sirius didn't really discuss Sirius' family but I imagine that was a conversation for another time. And to be honest this chapter is long enough as it is1


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